@kartoffel - Thanks for the tip. I’m going to get some of that build up gel as I’m loving these gel nails but they’re growing out now. This could be the answer to that problem, I’m thinking.
@norts Great pic!! You are right there; we all rock. Cancer has definitely prompted me to get fitter although a walk to the dentist and back yesterday isn’t exactly running 5k or doing 20,000 steps. However, not so long ago I would have driven so it’s a step in the right direction. To be honest, you all inspire me. The energy of this group is so damn good. It makes me focus on what can be achieved and the support is there for the bad times.
Talking of achieving, @pennyp I’m so glad your Delft trip went so swimmingly. It sounds awesome. I am plotting for my New York trip that I am planning for October of this year. I vowed it would be my gift to myself when I finished treatment as it’s somewhere I have wanted to go since I was a kid. Blame Fame and Saturday Night Fever! I’m saving up and what I haven’t saved will come out of the pension that I can access at 55. I have always been so careful with money but this journey has made me care less. Now I want to spend some of it on seeing the places I have always wanted to see. Iceland will be next on the list. Good on you.
@jeml I’m glad to hear you are climbing back out of the wobble. I knew you would. Congrats on your new boobs! I have been given the date for my soft implant and boob lift at the end of May and am positively excited about it so I get it. I’ve decided I will have the nipple tassel tattoo instead of a tattooed nipple, after all. Hang the expense! I’m going to reclaim my boob and have a laugh to boot.
@arty1 - I could join you on Only Fans as there is possibly a market for a woman with one nipple and one tattooed tassel with a pullet hairstyle, no? Possibly for some very warped individuals but I’m not judging!
I’m loving all these accounts of holidays and planned future dreams. Roll on New York @salbert!
I watched ‘Mrs Harris goes to Paris’ on channel 4 catch up last night … I don’t hanker after a Dior frock but I absolutely get the point of having dreams no matter what anyone else feels important.
Well after a morning of chaotic phone calls about my chemo tomorrow, one of which I took outside the hairdresser’s with my hair dripping, I drove to the Unit.
They cancelled tomorrow but rebooked me for Monday after consultations with my consultant and taking some extra bloods. Think I’ve sort of got a result. Now rebooking dog care, otherwise they’ll be coming with me!
@salbert you always make me laugh! Love the tassel tattoo idea. Good that you are planning some trips. None of us knows whats round the corner so its best not to put things off.
After having a good couple of weeks with no tummy problems, last night IBS symptoms back with a vengeance! Will this ever end? I’m hoping when i’ve finished Phesgo things will gradually improve.
Penny
Can I suggest for your New York trip, as someone who was also obsessed with New York from a very young age and finally got to go for my 30th birthday (I hated turning 30 so fled the country and went on my own), visit Radio City Music Hall, Empire State Building and Top of the Rock.
The former is beautifully art deco and took my breathe away (I didn’t even see a show), ESB is stunning and the views are epic and Top of the Rock is the best views in the city (the park AND Lower Manhattan), some people go to the Edge instead but from the photos I’ve seen it doesn’t compare.
You’ll feel like you’re in a movie (especially if you make a playlist to listen to when you walk around, I did and it was awesome I highly recommend it). Oh and bring proper walking shoes, it’s a walking city and your feet will thank you for it.
I always thought I’d go back there some day but with the stuff going on there at the moment I’m thinking of visiting Scotland or Ireland instead.
@arty1 I run every day. Problem is it’s my nose and since I lost my eyelashes last week, my eyes too! Also do three weekly cycles. Today was number 4. Was in the saddle for 4 hours .
I think there may be interest in an OnlyFans account. Could call myself Bittytitties if I’m not left with much post surgery! Tasslehassle for @salbert or TittyTatty, you can be Artyparty as that sounds fun. @naughty_boob has her name already, mind you if I stick with Mrs Jelly they will be expecting a great pair of wobblers and they will be in for a disappointment if I get implants!
@jeml your swimming breasts sound brilliant. Did make me chuckle. I’d be worried they would be quicker than me and I wouldn’t be able to keep up! mind you if they stay in your costume they might make you go faster! My breast stroke is appalling, crawl is what I do getting out of bed and used to do when I frequented pubs. The butterfly on occurs when I’m anxious which is thankfully less now I’m on treatment but will no doubt creep in nearer my surgery date. Now days if I am in a pool I just float on back and kick my legs.
I’m not a swimmer. We had swimming lessons in junior school. We lined up for a verruca check before getting in then once in the pool, if we didn’t duck our head under the water a foot would push you under. Secondary school we had to have communal showers with a teacher looking on. So upsetting when at 15 you didn’t need a bra. The things they did 40+ years ago. I’m traumatised!
I am afraid I’m wired from the steroids hence my rambling! I fear they are going to steal me from my sleep. Returned from hospital and found myself raving to Triphop in the kitchen with the dog looking on. Never realised they’re was such a genre of music though I’ve been enjoying it for years. Going to seek out a Triphop night when I’m through this. Beats Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire which I sang every time I find myself sat in the smallest room of the house experiencing s**tplop. There’s no dancing when I’ve got that but there certainly is some movement. Sadly not solid ones! Bet @salbert could bust some moves. Now that’s an apt phrase for this group. I’m on fire this morning and better still it’s not my arse. I think I’m going to give that a celebratory slap as I don’t have a bench in my bedroom!
@pennyp wow, over 20000 steps! Fab. I always chuckle when I’m out with my husband. We walk the same distance and he does around 15% more steps than me. My body is composed of nearly 50% leg so my stride is longer than his my arms reach my knees - I’m mesmerised by Bruce Springsteen as I don’t think his hands will reach the bottom of his pockets. I’m digressing, so despite us (not Bruce and I) covering the same distance he still maintains he’s walked further than me
I’m now going to listen to a programme on R4 about how work is encroaching on our personal lives - more than 9 million people not in work or not actively looking for work. Asks if work is contributing to the problem as we are having to work harder. Had a pang of guilt as I’m off work due to ‘it’ which has meant my poor colleague is trying to manage her workload as well as mine… I’m hoping it’s not so riveting that I want to listen to it all.
Thank you for your New York enthusiasm. You do have to have dreams and not put them off, it’s true. There are always reasons not to and I refuse to look back and say ‘Oh well, at least I saved money’. @sez You absolutely can suggest an itinerary for me as I want to see as much as possible. I’ve just started a page which I’ve entitled New York Itinerary Suggestions which is super-exciting. I almost wish I wasn’t taking my husband and son now, so that I could strut around with my playlist feeling like I was in a movie. That SO appeals to me. Thank you.
@carrie5 Well done for being dogged about getting your appointments sorted. Keep it up!!
@pennyp I am still running off to the loo repeatedly after breakfast every day too. We have moved into a new office which is great in that the loos are seconds from my desk, not so great when you have to wait until a colleague has left the kitchen to bolt to them. I am the only female in an office of men so it’s not like I can explain and get sympathetic responses. I have tentatively mentioned IBS which received a deathly silence and a sudden frenzied tapping of keyboards. I finish Phesgo on 10th April so I will let you know if things start to return to normal. When do you finish?
@shannon27 - Wonderful news! This is all heading in the right direction. I have my reconstruction a couple of weeks after you. Come June we will be strutting about with our chests stuck out feeling jubilant that it’s all behind us.
@mrsjelly Your steroid-induced ramblings are highly entertaining, hilarious in fact, so thank you for that. I’ve never even heard of Triphop but it sounds great. Perfect for steroids in fact. I must give it a go. Talking of busting moves and New York (there’s a neat little segue if ever there was one!), I was recalling on Sunday when listening to Frank Sinatra at our Mothering Sunday tea how I once disgraced myself at a wedding when the evening came to an end and they played New York, New York. As is usually the case, those on the dance floor took it in turns to go into the centre to show off their moves. Whatever possessed me, I still don’t know to this day. However, I decided it would be impressive to place a lemon between my butt cheeks and dance around the circle doing a jumping shimmy just as it got to “These vagabond shoes…” I then did the splits and pulled my hamstring to the point where I had to be assisted off the floor. What is worse is that this was my first wedding as a guest of the parents of the groom with my new partner at the time. They were his friends, not mine. As I hobbled from the reception, complete strangers sang ‘Blue Moon’ to me. I was utterly mortified the following day and vowed that my days of flashing must come to an end. However, I may have to change my mind if our Only Fans plans take off. It has taken 9 years for me to be able to talk about this event without having a visceral cringing response that has me screaming aloud. It seems that just as I have got over it, the horror has transferred itself to my 15 year old son who, when I reenacted the dance, placed his hands over his ears and shouted “PLEASE STOP!” I take his point.
Oh well… best do some work. One more thing before I go…@mrsjelly are you sure your arms reach your knees!!! That has made me laugh so hard I have just had to leave my desk on the pretence of needing a glass of water.
Oh gosh @salbert that just made me spit coffee all over. I had my father daughter dance at my wedding to New York, New York because I couldn’t think of anything good and we’re from New York so… Your story tops mine though.
I’m having a bit of a downer today as it’s 2 years since I found my lump. As soon as I woke up this morning the tears came. I even got cross with the dog for no good reason. Added to the fact that last week I pointed out somebody’s language/ words could be deemed judgemental on another thread to have two users have a go at me and say I over stepped my role as a CC. It made me think twice about my role. I was just trying to say we are all individual and we need to be careful with our words so as not to upset others.
@naughty_boob - anniversaries are hard arent they ? Im dreading the anniversary of my diagnosis … let the tears flow … its cathartic and healing xx
With regard to your post on THAT thread - I had no issue with anything you said , don’t question your role ever … sadly there will always be people who will take issue with you occasionally, no matter what you say or do xx
@mrsjelly I love your steroid ramblings. I designed a board game whilst on chemo. Wrote my ideas in a book, they become less and less coherent as the steroids kicked in ending up with a series of small squiggly shapes. The board game does now exist in prototype form (sounds very posh, it’s mainly made of cardboard!!!) and has been played by my family. No idea what to do with it now.
@@naughty_boob I’m sorry to hear you doubting your role. The joy of this group for me is that we all have different opinions and ways of expressing ourselves. Whether I agree or disagree, it is always valuable to hear others’ thoughts and ideas and I have never felt any judgement.
So with lots of treatment behind me and 3 Phesgos to go (assuming my heart doesn’t deteriorate further), I am having a wobble. I convinced myself that my hideous night sweats were more sinister than tamoxifen side effects which has been a most unhelpful train of thought. I’ve also had a few episodes of dissociation where I pretty much shut off from life when various triggers come up. My most dramatic one was in a recent job interview where I had a very detailed flashback to my first chemo session and then have no recollection of the next 3 hours (apparently I completed the interview badly then went home) until I was sitting at home on the sofa. I have been reassured by the lovely NHS counsellors that all responses are normal (not the right word but hopefully you know what I mean) and they are going to help me through it. First time I’ve really shared that I’m not quite managing right now but this is a safe space.
Gosh I’ve never written so much. I will have to go now as my 17yo and 15yo can be heard discussing how much chicken, bacon and eggs to cook for their pre bedtime snack. If I don’t intervene we’ll have nothing left for this week’s dinners.
So sorry you’re feeling so wobbly. Its a horrible feeling when you are in it. I’ve got some weird physical things going on and i just dont know if its menopause or the Kadcyla. So i was wondering if your sweats and anxiety are a hormonal thing too? Ive had to switch to decaf tea and coffee or I’ll flush. Our local cancer care group has advertised an hours zoom course by a cancer menopause specialist at the end of April. Its Dani Binnington, founder of Menopause and Cancer. I’ll report back. I did laugh at you having to go and save the dinners. Half of me admires them eating real food instead of fast food but if they had to work to buy it and plan and shop for said food they wouldn’t be so cavalier in their snack attacks. My 17 yr old is the same, you never know when to expect the aftermath of an eleborate snack prep left across many counters! Can’t complain because she cooks dinner regularly and always checks where my digestion is at before, bless her.
So can we have a competition for weirdest side effect? For the 2nd time of being rundown, I’ve got an infection in my belly button! The embarrassment of having to explain in a curtained cubicle to a 16 yr old doctor that it was itchy and weepy for him to stick his gloved finger in and sniff to check if was smelly! Back on poking the cream in with a cotton bud. So random that even there can get out of sorts through treatment. Sigh…
@pennyp - I’m sorry you are wobbly but I know what you mean , I have two Herceptin left (they are stopping me at 9 ) and I’m starting to feel panicky … it’s crazy that during chemo I felt chilled and didn’t care about much bad just getting through … it was a blessing in disguise for my overactive imagination …
the sensation you describe is a normal (but admittedly alarming feeling ) to trauma , n a way it’s a form of panic attack , but the brain deals with it by “removing you “ from the saturation so that everything can feel like a dream and not real …
Did you do the moving forward course ?
@naughty_boob Sending one of my biggest hugs possible your way. I’m sorry that the anniversary has brought up some emotion but not surprising. Please don’t ever think you should quit your role as Community Champion because you are excellent at it. You were one of the first people who came to my aid and we messaged almost daily to begin with. You didn’t have to do that but you did. You helped me through the very darkest days and you have a gift for sifting through a post and pointing people in the right direction. For every person who objects to something you say, I will find you 100 who benefit from something you say. I think you are pretty awesome, my friend.
@norts I love that you designed a whole board game on steroids! Surely there must be somewhere that you can submit new board game ideas? Sorry to hear that you’ve been having a wobble of late and I’m glad you’ve told us. That’s why we are all here, primarily. My feeling on it is that it’s trauma and therefore some kind of PTSD. I’m really glad you have spoken to the NHS counsellors about it because I think it needs processing. I was offered 12 sessions of counselling from BUPA and took the lot. Much as I love you all, it is the club that we never asked to join and it happens so suddenly. One minute life is just fine and you think a slow driver in front is something to get in a stress about, the next minute you are finding out you have breast cancer and then you REALLY have something to stress about. Life is turned upside down and then we come to the end of treatment and we expect ourselves to just carry on as before, except that nothing is quite as it was before. I’m so glad that the counsellors have said they will help you through it. I was given various methods to employ if panic takes hold so I used them at the time and wrote them all down for future use. Thank you for sharing this with us. It helps other people to know that it is normal.
@jayveebee That cancer menopause course sounds really interesting. That would be great if you could report back. I like the weirdest side effect competition! I am still suffering from scabby nostrils but I think an infected belly button pips them!
I have end of term Musical Theatre karaoke tonight and then I have the pub quiz that my husband entered us for so that we can publicly discover how bright we are in comparison to all our friends and neighbours!!
It’s a good day today, I just had round 9 of Kadcyla so we’re down to being able to count the number of treatments left on one hand!
Also I just booked a holiday in Cornwall in a couple of weeks. I am so looking forward to having a week off and just enjoy time with the husband and pup. My brain needs a break. I first looked at booking this trip in May 2020 and we’re finally getting there 5 years later!
@kartoffel congratulations on number 9! I’m having number 10 tomorrow and then it will be down to single figures well done on booking a holiday- well deserved by now xx
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I almost wish I wasn’t taking my husband and son now, so that I could strut around with my playlist feeling like I was in a movie. That SO appeals to me. Thank you.
I’ve never even heard of Triphop but it sounds great. Perfect for steroids in fact. I must give it a go. Talking of busting moves and New York (there’s a neat little segue if ever there was one!), I was recalling on Sunday when listening to Frank Sinatra at our Mothering Sunday tea how I once disgraced myself at a wedding when the evening came to an end and they played New York, New York. As is usually the case, those on the dance floor took it in turns to go into the centre to show off their moves. Whatever possessed me, I still don’t know to this day. However, I decided it would be impressive to place a lemon between my butt cheeks and dance around the circle doing a jumping shimmy just as it got to “These vagabond shoes…” I then did the splits and pulled my hamstring to the point where I had to be assisted off the floor. What is worse is that this was my first wedding as a guest of the parents of the groom with my new partner at the time. They were his friends, not mine. As I hobbled from the reception, complete strangers sang ‘Blue Moon’ to me. I was utterly mortified the following day and vowed that my days of flashing must come to an end. However, I may have to change my mind if our Only Fans plans take off. It has taken 9 years for me to be able to talk about this event without having a visceral cringing response that has me screaming aloud. It seems that just as I have got over it, the horror has transferred itself to my 15 year old son who, when I reenacted the dance, placed his hands over his ears and shouted “PLEASE STOP!” I take his point.
Your story tops mine though.
I first looked at booking this trip in May 2020 and we’re finally getting there 5 years later!
well done on booking a holiday- well deserved by now xx