I had all these same fears - 42 with a 9 year old. No node involvement for me and a re-excision a month after first lumpectomy because they didn’t quite get the margins. The surgery wasnt too bad at all. Of course, I only had primary lymph node taken. Plan was supposed to be 1 surgery and 5 days radiotherapy. 4 months down the line Im waiting for my chemo date - oncology score done on the removed lump said high risk of recurrence.
The changing plans will get you in the brain! The waiting kills. Making a decision then back and forth doubting while you wait to start…horrendous.
There are a lot of different people who make their decision and no one is wrong- mine is the ‘thank god treatment is free on NHS, Ill take it all and no I did all i could to rid my body of nasty stuff’. It has led to tears and fears for sure though. I could just say no and hope for the best. But I decided to write 2025 off, give in to all the appointments and just go for it all.
My daughter has coped better than me. She is excited about wigs. Thinks me going bald could be hilarious (thanks kid!), we chose some chemo hats together from Temu! The consultant advised cold capping which i wasnt going to bother with but ill give it a shot! I proceeded with such caution trying to explain it but she’s been fine. Ive been reassured that theres so much care and extra adaptable medications that it will be awful but only for a few days each round. We’ve laughed about stick on eyebrows if needed, theres microblading but I dont think i want the fuss. I was trying to hide tears on a low day and she held my hands and told me its okay to cry, and that ive always told her that so I should do the same. Kids are incredible.
All in all, let it settle for a bit. If id written this only a couple of weeks ago id have sounded scared and unsure but deciding and time going by, as it does, settles the mind eventually.
I hope you can enjoy the sunshine. Cry if you need. Walk if you need. Sleep if you need. Then keep on keeping on xxx