hello everyone 
good to see, that this topic is still going strong !
it is such a delicate subject, as each woman has her own individual circumstances, journey and head set but one thing is for sure- it is tough on evry single person, in their own personal way…
smome of you may still remember me… i have not been on the side for a few month … it is good to be back and say hello
on the 10th of june i had to let both of my boobs go. through our daughter ,who was diagbosed with breast cancer and BRCA1 , i found out ( all our family took the genetic test. our son and my husband thankfully got cleared). that i was the carrier, so i had inherited the faulty gene from my dad. for me there was NO question. i wanted them to go- totally- absolutely-completely !! figuring this and let this change set in was no problem. my problem is thanatopobia. having to face the op to remove my remaining follopian tube and overy and then a full boob op, drove me insane. it was horrendous. the worst was, that i couldnt even relax after the ovary op, as i still had to face up to my boob op. but i did it. i do live in DK and i was fortunate enough, to had amazing doctors, nurses, people in the theatre- i couldnt have been more taken care of and looked after- and for that i always will be hugely grateful…
so i went for a total removal. flat. no re construction. because of my fear of death/ dying i wanted to op to be as quick as any possible and as straight forward as possible too (of course every op has its risks aso and it couldnt be any further from straight forward but i needed to feed my brain something, wher my mind wouldnt go entire shut down on me)
from previous ops i dod know, that im always healing fast and well, scars turn out always good- so there were now worries, nor concerns for me. here in DK they dont put wound water tubes in. i had- and still have- to go to the hospital, to bring the liquid in my breast area down to 50ml. when that limit is reached the body has to get on with the remaining liquid itself. but im not entire there yet. if anyone is reading this, who may also has to have the woundwater removed, i personally can say, that there is nothing to worry about alt all (other women may have other experiances) it is not painful, nor does it hurt.
regarding the scars /scarring. before i went home in the early afternoon on the same day, i was checked over. again i was very fortunate, there was not even any supping, or bleeding. here in DK they only tape the scar up and that needs to stay on for 3 month- regular changing the tape is obviously needed but i could do that myself at home. the tape is no plaster, it purely helps to create a good scar. even if all went super well and looked well in the hospital on the day of the op, when i stood in fron of the mirror the next morning i thought, ok, this is a slight full blowen car crash… i had rather big breast and now there was this long scars on each side, meeting in the middle of my chest. it didnt freak me out but i thought, i hope that somehow it will change how it looks. and it HAS the interesting thing is, i just did read on a note here on the forum, that a woman who also had her breast removed started of all flat and great but that the scarring had changed. and i can definitely rely to that. i obviously still have a tiny bit wound water build up, so every time i had a sucker session my no more boob area looks always a bit inflated but the day after it has looked rather fabulous, nice and flat but the last two times i went for my sucker session i have noticed some change. the breast area seems to be tight and the inner scaring ( not sure if this is normal and commen procidure but my stitching has been all inside) is far more solid to the feel/touch- which i would have thought it would have been more the other way round… as in after the op far more sensual to the tough… is difficult to explain, as it is on the inside but when irun over the scars and massage them, i can SEE the inner scars , because they are so tracable now. where beforhand it was much more smooth and just flat… BUT… im sure theres more heeling to do- patient and time will help but it definitely will be interesting if things go more flat again, or if the kinda ripple and bumpy skin will be my new me ?!
i would like to put one more thing out here…
i was very fortunate, that i knew from the start, that i would be ok to have to let go of my boobs. the only thing i did find very upsetting was, they were good boobs, i did like them and they were the connection to both our children by me breastfeeding them. so they did bring good to our children. they werent ill, they didnt make me ill but i decided to make me safer, i had to let them go. and i am absolutely fine with that. i like myself as much looking in the mirror now, than as before. in a strange way i feel freer now, not so hindered by my boobs. less restricted.
BUT im fully aware, that so so many women on here seriously struggle and sometimes even worse and it becomes a depression… i even did talk to my nurse at the hospital about it… it actually did upset me… how can i feel so positive about all this, when most women have to suffer so much when they loose one or both of their breasts…
i just would like to say to everyone who is struggeling, please dont be defined by your breast or breasts you have lost, or about to loose !! you are always the same woman… all you women on here are so dam incredible strong… you face so so many difficult things… so many incredible tough challanges- meantally and physically alike… so please try to be strong also to lern to love your beautiful bodies again … theses empty spaces are battle scars… they show how damn strong you are and that you are a survivour… please try to not be challanged and put down by your NEW selves… please try to learn to love those scars… to embrace them… to let them heal, like to heal yourselve and to let them become part of your new bodies and may even to be able to celebrate this new body - with time !!!
i wish you all, all the best… be kind to yourselves… stay strong and never give up to FIGHT… you ARE incredible !
tan
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