First- Your experience isn’t uncommon. I’m glad you came to a place like this for help
We have a lot in common I was Stage 3b HER2+++ 10cm initial tumor. 6 months of chemo, double mastectomy w 5 nodes removed. PCR
I’m approaching my 1 year anniversary. For me, the period AFTER being cured was the real hurdle. During active treatment, I was too busy to think about much other than being on time to all of those appointments When treatment ended, I had severe mood swings- mostly from anxiety or sadness to anger/rage. The first 4 months were the worst, but I’m leveling out.
Everything you are feeling is normal, but that doesn’t mean you should suffer in silence. Call your surgeon- tell them you’re feeling a lot of anxiety and would like to follow up in 6 mos with an appointment.
You can fix your social media feed- it just mirrors your actions (web searches and scrolling pauses). If you’re looking up cancer recurrence on the web, you’ll see mostly cancer recurrence in the feed. If you hover 5 seconds longer on cancer than you do on your neighbor’s post, you’ll see 10x more cancer. Just “rewire” it with different information- search for monkeys every day for a week and you’ll see cute macaques in dresses.
You’ll always worry about your cancer coming back, but the intensity of your fear will decrease with time. For these early months, be kind to yourself and ask for what you need.