just 1 year ago I was worried that I had breast cancer then the next day I found out that I did. Can’t believe the journey I have been through this year. 4 ops. chemo and rads and the man I loved so much walked out on me as well.
Have met so many brave ladies through this forum, you know who you are girls !!, but struggling to live day to day.
Will it ever get any easier.
i know I should be brave and positive but right now can’t do it.
just need some advice about how to get through the negative feelings.
Hi Kay, Oh honey, you have done so well, Don’t knock yourself up now!
I know you have had it really hard especially with the pratt of OH, but you have done it!
Here you are 1 year on… You survived the year… This is how I’m going to get through my anniversary of this crap on the 17th December… CELEBRATE, I am going all out on Christmas this year, well as much as finances will allow me because to be honest I don’t know how I bloody survived the last year, and your certainly the same.
You need to try on focus on celebrating as I said, celebrate life itself, I don’t have any money, god someday s we barely survive but we do, it’s fight, not flight, honey… and you have fought tooth and nail to get this far, so get rid of the negatives think of the positives,they are there… Your family for one …Maybe start planning Christmas…
you have been a massive support and I so wish I could see some positive times ahead but right now all I see is a funeral and a wonderful 11 year old daughter crying her eyes out for her mum.
Very strange just posted and caught a glimpse that some one else had too now not showing up at all. Will check again as I saved my post the web site has been playing tricks tonight.Jackie
Hi Karen
Not been through what you have but a yr ago on 6/11 had routine mammo and life changed. So much. Now had all treatment chemo, surgeries, rads, more surgery for poss complications etc. Just getting more strength and energy back gradually. Can only take one more day at a time sometimes get a knock back (HR being discriminatory and putting me on ½ pay erroneously) for a start. I think the anniversary is just so awful and cannot but bring back unhappy memories, but I really really believe that there are better days for us.
So what I am saying is we have survived and we are gonna celebrate that. Hun you have been so brave and yes you can do this after all you have been through yeh some dark days but eh there will be a rainbow for us (((Hugs))) coming your way Jackie
Karen OMG don’t go there your lovely Mary needs you and you must believe that you will be there. Listen hun one of my dearest friends was DX at 28 refused chemo and rads ( I did not know her then)had Mx and later prophylactic Mx had recon both sides. Then had a baby.Baby was 21 in Feb. Yes there are good news stories out there we sometimes see just the worst case scenarios.Are you eating and sleeping well? Perhaps not and this added to all the pressures of being a single parent and the attendant financial probs this adds (and a recently departed OH)can only be grim for you.More (((Hug))) Jackie
K i wish i had the words of support for you but i dont as i feel exactly the same, near;ly a year since my dx and had lumpectomy, mx, chemo and rads and all finished now but i have a divorce to face! all i can say is that at least you have your daughter so even though you dont have your OH you have her, i dont have any children and know that now with the chemo and my age i wont ever will and thats terrivle but you do and you have to be positive for her x
Oh Karen, I wish I could be there with you… I have been in that dark corner you are in… To be honest only a few days ago… This cancer takes so much of our life, don’t give up, you can’t go on thinking the worst as it might as well take it all… And I know you have more fight in you than that.
Your right, one day we are all going to die to be honest I think eventually the Cancer will get me, But it hasn’t got me Yet, Ive got the cancer…It hasn’t got Me… Do you understand where i’m coming from… Hey we could walk out tomorrow and get flattened by a bus !!! Sorry hun, but true. None of us know what life has planned thank god. Even the ladies on here with the secondaries can go on to live many, many more years and do so…
Please, please, honey, go and take a look at what a beautiful Daughter you have and start thinking FIGHT, I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE IN TO THIS BAS@@@D… I remember when you found the strength to say no more with your Ex… We were all proud of you then… You can do this… We are all going through Hell honey you just have got to Keep Walking !!! There is another side and believe it or not your getting there…
If you want to PM me you know you can, i’m here always Love Teresa xxx
Dear Billa, Please you too listen to what i have said to Karen, We can do this… Same goes if you want to PM me please do…
Also have either of you seeked support from BCC Counseling, I believe it to be very good, maybe a phone call to them, be honest and tell them how you are both feeling…
When the pain ended and the last tears fell,
And I got out of my living and bitter hell,
I found a strength as strong as steel,
This strength I found is surely real.
I found a strength to hold onto,
To help me out,
To make it through,
This strength I found deep inside,
From this strength I will not hide.
I will carry it with me night and day,
This strength sure does have a way,
Of cheering me and making me glad,
I found the strength I one time didn’t have.
So now when sadness comes about,
When my mind is filled with doubt,
On whether I can get through a troubling thing,
What is it that I will bring?
I will bring out my strength,
I will stand tall,
I will not stumble,
Will not fall,
My strength will keep my head held high,
And to weakness I say good-bye.
Dear Karen,
I recognise your pain at a similar time to you when the first mammogram was approaching and I was trying so hard to look forward and I was supporting other women on here and then I realised it was all such a sham!!!
I just couldn’t cope at all and realised that I had to post an honest report of how I was feeling, knowing all that brave spirit had just disappeared into the ether…
The thread was called ‘Please can I share here as no one else is noticing!’ That was back in July and I accepted all the support that came my way. I had lost my way and I’d lost my pride!
I think you’ve come through a harrowing journey, on your own and you have children to mother. The strain at times must be immeasureable.
You’re tired of pretending to be strong, you’re not well physically at present and the love you have for your youngest daughter is breaking your heart.
This is going to take time to get through…
Can you give yourself that time?
You don’t have to be jolly for anyone.
You need to let these feelings flow and I know it won’t be comfortable for you but this pain needs time and deep rest.
I know I was too busy getting ‘over’ the fallout to move forward for quite a while…
Take your time and don’t feel frightened that you feel like this.
You are certainly not alone.
Take a look at my thread. It may echo some of your fears but I am not a Mum. Being there for your daughter Mary is truly breaking your heart.
Take one step at a time and maybe see a Dr about your physical worries. When you feel physically more rested you may well be more calm and recognise that you are a wonderful Mum who is going to be there for her daughter. It’s lonely though, isn’t it?
I hope you can sleep tonight and rest your racing mind.
Let’s hope daybreak will bring you more peaceful thoughts.
Goodnight Karen,
with love and tight hugs from Wendy xx
Dear Billia,
I don’t know your circumstances as I’ve followed K’s story over the past year but my heart goes out to you.
To go through all you have and now be facing a divorce must take all your last drop of energy.
It must be so difficult for you too.
Surviving this awful journey on your own is just so dreadfully hard.
I did too!
I just hope you have support for fighting your divorce.
You will have our support here to help you cope with the aftermath of this crap called CANCER.
Please accept another tight hug and loads of support from me,Wendy xx
Sleep well tonight.
Bless you Theresa.
I know you’re another brave lady who has ‘fought’ long and hard to survive this disease. You always sound so strong but I’m guessing you too feel so weakened by this situation at times…
You’re always there to support others so maybe tonight I can support you a little and wish you a peaceful night too.
You deserve a tight hug too.
Thinking of you out there in Spain tonight.
Love from Wendy xx
Wendy, Thanks so much… It’s appreciated, this is what I said to Karen, bless her, We of all people know what she’s going through because we all go through it…
I can’t remember how many times i have gone up on my terrace just to crumple in the corner and cry… It is so bloody scary but we all keep doing it because we have to…
Tears are good… Thanks once again Wendy… Love Teresa xxx
You’re so right. We don’t have a choice we just have to keep taking whatever each day brings…
It is not ‘bravery’ at all we just have no choice!
Friends and family don’t seem to understand that this journey is not a ‘brave’ one it is the biggest rollercoaster ever and we can’t get off…
Hi Karen,
My thoughts are with you, and Billia, Teresa and Wendy have said it all. One day at a time, and things will get better. I do hope you slept well last night. As you know, I am only 8 months down the line and having a blip myself, so I am not posting much at the moment, but it does not mean my thoughts are not with you and everyone else I have met on this site.
Special hugs to you
Maria
Did manage some sleep but think it was the red wine that helped.
I am feeling very low and lonely today. I know I should be looking forward and celebrating the fact that I am still here but find myself looking back to what I had a year ago that I have lost and just keep crying. I know I am still in love with the ex and that is so difficult. I blame the cancer for him leaving but perhaps that was just a trigger and he would have left anyway. He e-mailed me a few days ago to ask how I am and that is part of what has made me so down.
I am very scared as the health problems just keep continuing and yesterday found out that a friend who was diagnosed with cancer in March passed away last weekend.
Am hoping that once today is over I can start to move on.
I am seeing a counsellor and strangely enough saw her yesterday and she said how much better I seem and did I still need to see her. Told her that I was Ok as long as I didn’t talk about me and then burst out crying. I had just spent the last hour talking about Mary !! She replied that next week she will not let me talk about anyone but me, so that should be a tearful session !!!
Maria - I know you are finding it hard as well and sending my love and hugs to you especially as you have been such a fantastic support.
Billia - sending you hugs and if you want to pm me please do so. We can have a private rant !!!
Teresa - brilliant as ever and I know you are still going through it so hugs for you too.
Wendy - thank you, you always find such lovely supportive words of wisdom.
Jackie - thank you, hope your work problems are sorted soon.