I’ve had a letter through today from the hospital, for my 1st mammogram since Diagnosis, I finished all active treatment at the end of Sept and have been on Tamoxifen since.
I thought when they said yearly mammograms that I had a year since treatment but obviously not, it must be since my last one which was end of Jan 2011.
I burst into tears when I got this letter through! Not like me at all. I feel really scared all of a sudden. I have NED and no node involvement, but it was 45mm and grade 3 so v aggressive.
When do they tell you if they’ve seen anything or not? On the day?
I’ve no idea how it works when theres no obvious lump. I’m waiting for my BCN to call me back.
I managed pretty well through all treatments, considering, but seem to be having a delayed reaction emotionally to it and have been more scared since.
I saw Restoration Man on TV last night, featuring a lady 2 years younger than me who had a recurrence of cervical cancer and got a terminal diganosis, she died before their house was completed. To see her 2 months before she died, hobbling with leg pain, reminded me of when I had Tax legs and seeing her looking fine apart from hobbling also scared the hell out of me. I burst into tears at that last night… OH came rushing over to hug me, I blurted that I don’t want it back, I don’t want to die young, I don’t want to leave him on his own etc. Big if brief outpouring of emotion.
Can anyone relate to this? I’m positive that theres many of you that do… no such things as a unique experience with this!
Oh El I just want to send you some love and hugs, I can relate to how you are feeling, especially watching the program last night it must be playing on your mind.
Its like when you are Dx’ed with BC, everywhere you turn you are reminded, nearly every program I watch, even when I just flick over to something for 5 minutes the word cancer is mentioned and it really annoys me its like we cant escape it.
I have read many times on here how 1st Mammograms after treatment throw women into turmoil because we are always fearing its return and its just another step we have to take…im far away from my first recall but can respect the worry it must give you.
Just want you to know im sending you sisterly and loving vibes xxx
This link (sorry I don’t know how to do it properly) is about the very problem of dealing with stuff after your treatment is over. I think it is very helpful and very true!
El K, apart from the obvious answer, what a lovely hubby you have for giving you that much-needed hug, and letting you let it all out - fabulous!
Back on topic, it’s normally from diagnosis not from end of treatment. Just as well for some, as I’m still having 3-weekly Herceptin so if it were from end of treatment I wouldn’t have one until July 2013 and I was diagnosed Dec 2010!
I don’t know whether you’ll get your results on the day or later. I’ve just had my first and got them 5 days later, but I’ve had several cysts drained in the meantime so I’ve had ultrasounds so wasn’t in too much of a state about the mammo as I’d already had the reassurance (and of course the prior worry!) from the ultrasounds and stabbings.
Look at this as the CONFIRMATION of your NED status, rather than anything else - that is the much, much, much more likely scenario. And do read the Peter Harvey thing. He completely “gets” the post-treatment period and that article really spoke to me.
Thanks CM - Yes, confirmation of NED is a good one. I hate having knowledge sometimes because that’s what makes things scary, but having no knowledge also makes things scary, can’t win!
Still doesn’t mean there aren’t some errant micro cells lurking in my system ready to grow into a tumour though, a mammogram won’t show that if there are any. I hate this lack of guarantee medically. It just leaves that element of doubt.
I’m feeling a bit (understatement of the year) low so probably having an attack of the grim fairies playing in my mind.
the Peter Harvey article I’ve read before and it is really good,last time it made me cry.
I’m going to read it again right now and see if that also helps.
Hi ElKat
I understand completely how you feel although I’m not a year clear yet only six months I’m already worrying about it.
I saw that restoration thing last night and your right it is upsetting but I also found Pat’s death on eastenders upsetting. I have crying episodes where I say I don’t want it back i’m too young to die (28)
What you’re feeling is completely normal I ended up back at clinic after my BCN could feel a mass under my nipple when I went in to see her on Wednesday she organised an ultrasound and I laid there on the bed crying like a baby whilst the did the scan panicking every time the radiographer zoomed in. turned out to be a Hematoma!
Thank you for whoever it was that posted the link to the Peter Harvey thing it certainly seems like a good article.
keep smiling everything will be ok I’m sure.
pM me if you fancy it I think I’ve spoke to you before and your in Halifax? I’m hudds
Xx
I can totally relate to what you’re saying, in fact I looked on this website to see if anyone was going through the same fears as me! I saw my onc today who wants me to have a blood test and CT scan in 3 weeks’ time. I had a lumpectomy in June (all 4 lymphs removed were clear) followed by 6 lots of chemo and then 5 weeks of radio. All my scans were clear before my op. I’ve surprised myself at how I’ve spent all day with nothing else on my mind. I haven’t shed a tear up until now and people say how brave I am but it’s not being brave it’s how I feel. Now, all of a sudden, I’m scared! It’s going to be a very long 3 weeks. Could the scans have missed something? I’ve been feeling so well since the chemo finished, although suffering a little with aches due to Letrazole.
CM - Yes, confirmation of NED is a good one. I hate having knowledge sometimes because that’s what makes things scary, but having no knowledge also makes things scary, can’t win!
No original.