2nd time around and waiting is stressing me out

Hi, I had lumpectomy and rad 16 years ago, then tamoxifen and arimidex. All clear since then, so got on with living and never really dwelt on it again. I don’t think of myself as a “Cancer Survivor”, it was just a past episode in my life.

Recently found lump and indent on same breast, but in diff place. Saw Cons last week who said highly suspicious, did mammo, ultrasound and biopsy(without ultrasound). Said he would be very surprised if it wasn’t cancer and would need mastectomy. I was in bits, as you can imagine, never thought it would happen again. Can’t face thought of disfiguration. Very scared as the surgery etc would be much worse this time.

Had a horrible week, very up and down, on up days, thought it was unreal and I would wake up from this nightmare. 

Saw Cons yesterday for results, expecting worst, and was firstly elated to hear him say “It’s good news , tissues were clear” - but then brought back down to earth and told still suspicious, so further biopsy done under ultrasound. Now have to wait anything up to 3 weeks for results.

Don’t know what to think! Yesterday was more like “not bad news” rather than good news. I know we need to be positive and use what we can, and my lovely OH is being v supportive.  I’m worried about being overly optimistic in case the bubble bursts big-style when I get next lot of results, making the horror and fear worse.

Any tips and ideas on how I can manage this please? Thanks for listening xx

Hi Coco.

God the waiting is unreal isn’t it. I’m really sorry your  wait might be up to 3 weeks. 

I find myself analysing the words of the consultant over and over which isn’t helpful I know. All we can do is aim for a place half way between positivity and pessimism I think. I find it completely unhelpful to be told

“don’t worry it’ll all be fine” in a cheery voice yet conversely I need no help to look over the edge into the pit of doom at the other end of the spectrum. My job is helping as 30 eight year olds help the days fly by but I have had to ban myself googling in the evenings as it really doesn’t help. 

Whatever happens, one step at a time is best. You know that from having a cancer diagnosis before as do I.

Good vibes to you,

Gardnergirl.

Ah Coco I know how you feel with the good news/bad news scenario. At my triple assessment was told in the presence of the breast care nurse that it was deeply concerning and highly suspicious but couldn’t confirm a BC diagnosis without the biopsy result (ultrasound guided) so I immediately prepared for the worst. Results came back as a normal biopsy but as the mammogram and ultrasound were highly suspicious had to have a repeat. In the same sentence was told “good news, the biopsy shows healthy tissue but we don’t believe it so want to do it again!!” i was sitting with a black and blue boob and a high then low roller coaster. My next biopsy result was 15 days wait for results appointment and I think I floated in my own world until then. The lovely ladies on here kept me grounded and offered so much support.
As garden girl says, I feel you’ve been here before and made it through but I can imagine your frustration at finding yourself doing it all again. Could still be healthy tissue tho so keep hold of that. After a lumpectomy, mine was benign and just about healed up so doesn’t always confirm your worst initial fears. Big hugs and hopefully your results come through quickly
Love Kay xx