So I (40,F) noticed a dent under my right breast, saw the GP who referred me because my grandmother and sister died of breast cancer. I’ve just come back from seeing the specialist and she could feel three lumps, two on the right and one on the left. She’s putting me in for a mammogram and making it urgent as otherwise it can be a 10 week wait.
I’m now having a panic attack.
I don’t want to do this. I’ve seen this. I’ve seen what this does. My sister died in the next room in this very house, my mum watched. I don’t want her to have to watch another child die from the same freaking thing!
First of all, I’m so sorry you find yourself here, but you certainly have come to the right place for reassurance and advice from people who’ve been though it. I’m sorry too for your loss. It must have been very hard for you.
There is sometimes a familial link in breast cancer but I come from a huge family on both sides and there was no familial link established, despite my mum having breast cancer twice over 20 years (full recovery both times), losing three aunts to breast cancer and having at least two cousins having had it. So my first piece of advice is not to jump to conclusions. You are not your sister and you may be one of the 60-90% of women referred who find their lumps are benign.
Obviously you know what to expect as you saw your sister going through it. But don’t ‘expect’ until the breast consultant utters that dreaded word cancer or results show you have it. There are plenty of other explanations. Use this waiting time to focus on your emotions, reducing your anxiety levels because nothing can prepare you for the tsunami of emotions that come in this situation. Go running, bake, practise your mindfulness…do what makes you feel good. Not to take your mind of it (well nigh impossible) but to manage the negative feelings. I regularly use YouTube videos by Progressive Hypnosis. I defy anyone not to drift off to Cure Anxiety!
This may sound harsh but you are not responsible for your mum’s emotions. You assume she will have to go through the same again with you but most people recover from breast cancer. If it’s caught early there is an over 90% success rate! I can understand your feelings. Much as I miss my mum, I have frequently thought thank god she’s not here, so I’m being a bit hypocritical maybe but, if your mum is like mine, she’d want to know and want to support you through it.
If it is breast cancer, you will find there are different kinds, sometimes within the same breast. I had two lumps, one ductal, one lobular, one hormone-responsive, one not, and loads of differences within that. But I’m still here. Almost everyone using these forums is going through treatment or has finished it. Breast cancer doesn’t necessarily mean suffering and death. Keep that in mind while you wait for your mammogram and its results. (And do stay off Google; we’ve almost all found it multiplies the stress factor by dozens. If there’s something you need to know, the breast care nurses at the number above are brilliant. Give them a ring for some reassurance). I wish you all the best for a good outcome.
@IerynEtra - I would also like to welcome you to the forum and send you a big hug. I’m very sorry to read your story, and would like to echo Jaybro’s very wise, sensible words and advice.
We are all here for you so please feel free to chat anytime while you are waiting for your mammogram. The waiting time can be very hard and it’s a time when our minds can run away with us. Try to take one day at a time and also remember the very wise advice from a book I have that “fears are not facts”. Sending strength as you wait and hope it turns out to be benign. Evie xx