Laisydaisy, you are definitely not a selfish old bag! I don’t know how feasible it it is logistically, but you have to distance yourself from this needy person and let other people prop her up. If you can’t get away physically, then you have to tune out. Maybe you can say that you need to concentrate on your work as you are only there part-time at the moment.
Jackwagstaff, well done on finishing your rads! I hope you have some brighter weather and time to relax a bit now. Keep your chin up with the onc and persevere with your questions. I’m having a similar struggle with mine and I’m in a fighting mood now, having gone through the low point when he made light of my symptoms. Now that you’ve got through the acute treatment phase, you still need to manage the next five years and you will need help in tweaking drugs and other remedies. I am determined not to be fobbed off and you need to have the same attitude - when you get some energy back after rads
Lilacblushes
I think I know where you’re coming from. Towards the end of my rads I actually thought I’m going to miss this illness ! It’s not that I think it’s going to sneak up & get me when I’m not looking, it’s just that it has been almost my whole life for so long. My calendar has been full of appointments & nothing’s been controlled by me, it’s all been go here, be there, take your clothes off for ages. I wasn’t sure what I would do when my life was mine again.
Sorry to hear you didn’t get the answers you were seeking from your meds team. If you would like to give the helpline here a ring they’ll be only too happy to talk to you and support you through this. Lines open Mon-Fri 9-5 Sat 9-2, 0808 800 6000, calls are free.
A couple of points: (sorry if I get names wrong but because the previous contributions disappear the minute you decide to post, I forget (Tamox brain) who said what…? Who am I?) Can one have parenthesis inside parenthesis? Um… Lazydaisy… I am retired but regularly meet up with a friend who has MS. She is a saint who staggers around on a walking stick and occasionally collapses with a severe cough. I HATE mentioning my problems when she is around because mine are a ‘maybe’ whilst hers are a ‘definite’; her disease will progress over time, disable her, and eventually kill her, whilst mine may not. I met up with her this morning and she regaled a group of us with tales of her holiday abroad… how long the journey was… and I’m smiling and congratulating her and wishing I could sit still in any kind of chair for longer than 30 minutes because of my severe back pain. I therefore understand this ‘competitive’ thing and how much or little one should mention one’s illness. I know it isn’t a competition… but perhaps your colleague didn’t have the support… the outlet such as the one this site offers?
I had the same thing happen yesterday. I was having a sandwich with a friend who I have known for years, at one point she was talking about having to have cortisone injections for an ankle problem that she has and I’m nodding and saying all the right things but inside I’m thinking how trivial her illness is I know its painful and debilitating for her but it won’t kill her.
And then I feel rotten for even thinking like that as she’s a lovely friend and she cares about people and is always helping others but all I could think was stop talking about your illness, but on the other hand I also didn’t want to talk about BC as that doesn’t help either her or me.
I have also met other cancer sufferers who when you tell them what you have had and the treatment always have to have had it worse than you have, so what are we in now a cancer competition?? My growth is larger than yours, my chemo was harder, my rad treatment went on longer…me I would rather not have had to compete in this awful competition in the first place!
Sounds very like the old childbirth competition to me - whose labour was longest, who has more stitches etc. - that’s always gone on. I wonder if we all secretly want to be the centre of attention, however much we don’t want to think so…
oh yes what sense you all speak - I don’t think she does have the suppport either at home or from a site such as this which has been a blessing. To be honest I’m eginning to retreat abit from all contact with her but also shot myself in the foot by offering to give her a lift to a training day.
Competion Oh yes that took me by suprise - one of the many once you have cancer ( note small ‘c’ - refuse to give it anymore importance than that). Still staggard by the 'didn’t take time off with chemo / rads or other treatment ’ lucky old them, then theres the how many ops , how big the scar , how many nodes infected …oh it goes on and on - yes it’s just like childbirth. God I’m such a winger today - abit shaky after work. Have a great Easter and thank you all for your support
Oh lazydaisy don’t even get me started on the ‘I worked through chemo and rad treatment’ bit because if I start on that then I won’t stop.
I don’t consider that I have been weak and pathetic because I haven’t attempted to work through this, I was told by my Mac nurse to take the time off as trying to struggle to work through all this wouldn’t do me or my employers any favours…so I didn’t!
Mandeville, I agree with you. A couple of times I wondered if I was a complete wuss, having heard vague comments about working through the chemo etc, but both the nurses at hospital & at my G.P practise told me people are not expected to work through this treatment, & specifically ‘employers don’t expect people to work’!
Still not convinced that applied to my employer though.
It is just so good to read everything you all write , it helps so much when things get on top . I have to say I´m usually pretty positive and belive I should be as I know I could be so much worse , I feel thankful to basically have got away with it so lightly compared with so many other people , and having watched both my mother and father die with cancer I do know how bad it can be .
I will telephone next week for some advice . Having felt so down last week after my visit to the onc , now like Elsk I feel more like fighting. I have found all my life that anger works much better for me than upset ,worry . If I ever think “poor me ,” well thats me finished !
I have a marvolous group of very dear friends who are my support , one of whom is now 5 1/2 years after a mastectomy and complete node clearance . Anyone of them would listen to me or drive me anywhere if I needed . Having someone to talk too is so important . I love my husband of 40 years very dearly , and my two sons , but it´s not like having a really close girlfriend , and that poor lady may well not have that and need someone to talk to.
I don´t work , but I do volunteer work every week for a local spanish charity and have done for 7 years . Last week , one of the organisers telephoned me to say another lady had been diagnosed with breast cancer and was ´nt coping very well would I contact her and try to help her . I met her and we talked , she said she felt so much better just to talk to someone who understood what she was going through , unfortunately she has no internet .
To be on your own going through this must be absolute hell ,the tiredness alone can make you weepy and unable to even think straight let alone work . How do you do it ?!
Just re-read al the contributions on this site - do hope you are all feeling soooooo much better . Went on a site recently where the girls had no tireness at all - lucky old them I wanted to direct them to us lot but to be honest couldn’t be bothered.
Just wanted to tell you that at 5 weeks post rads I am finally starting to feel more like my old self. I actually have some energy and have walked a lot more and even managed a day at the races today which a few weeks ago would have been unthinkable - didn’t win a lot but the sun shone and it felt good to be alive. I do find that after a busy day I do have to take time out afterwards as it takes me more time to recover than it used to but I’m sure that will improve as the weeks pass.
I am going back to work on a phased return at the start of May something else I didn’t ever think was going to happen a few months ago. I have also ordered my wedding dress which before I couldn’t even think of doing as I didn’t know what the future held for me.
So to all of you who still have a long way to go on this awful journey of ours, please hang on in there as things do get better…eventually!
Wow, Phillipa, things sound so very positive for you right now and I’m really glad to hear it!
hope things keep nicely on this upward trajectory - its the least you deserve, honey
love, monica xx
Brilliant news that we are beginning to see the bright lights at the end of a very dark tunnel.it’s been quite a journey and never one I’d have willingly taken other than a trade off to protect my daughters. Onward and upward girls.
Thank you girls for your lovely comments, yes can’t quite believe that I can feel so much better after being so poorly and fed up, if I had been told even 3 weeks ago that I would be feeling like this I wouldn’t have believed it as I was so low and depressed. I have to admit to still being on the anti depressants but its a very low dose, my gp thinks that I should stay on them until I am back at work and coping okay.
So yes onwards and upwards, I just need to get my appointment with oncologist over and done with next week, then I’m assuming nothing else until 12 months have passed. I also have a ‘Look good feel better’ workshop to look forward to next week organised through my local hospital
I just hope that everyone on here can also feel better soon and start to feel well enough to enjoy the summer that hopefully is just around the corner.
Congratulations Phillipa , so glad you feel better . Keep taking the anti -depressants if they work , why not ? We are only humane , not "super women ".
Look forward to buying your wedding dress , and look forward to the day now you have more energy .
Good to hear you’re feeling so much stronger after your radiotherapy treatment, Phillipa.
It does take time though, doesn’t it?
Glad the anti-depressants have helped too. They are a support and don’t have to be dreaded!
I am due to see oncologist this week to start my rads planning…
Not sure how I should be feeling but after waiting 11 weeks since mx I’ll just be glad to start and have the opportunity to ask questions of a profesional in the know…
I think EAGER is the word I was looking for…
Hoping you and all the women on this thread continue to go from strength to strength!
