31, scary times :(

Hi everyone, I’m so glad i found this forum…i was diagnosed in november with bc, had my op on the 11th and tomorrow i get my results from my node scan. I am really scared. I don’t have children and am now worried that i probably never will.

Jem good luck for your results, it is a scary time, but once you have a plan in place, you feel more in control.

you may still be able to have kids, but concentrate on you just now

take carem sending you a hug

Carol xxxx

hi, i ws diagnosed on 25th nov and had op on 1st dec. you must share your worries with your consultant and the BC nurse, also do you have a local mcmillan centre? they are a very useful sourse of information and help, they can offer you complimentary therapies that can help you get through this awful time, and of course all the lovely people on this forum

Hi jem31

It sounds like you’re having a pretty tough time at the moment. It may help to talk things through with one of the BCC trained members of staff on the helpline. Everyone working on the helpline either has experience of breast cancer, or is a breast care nurse. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open today until 5pm and tomorrow from 9am to 5pm.

I hope this is helpful.

Kind regards
Sam (BCC Facilitator)

Hiya Jem…I also had my op on the 11th Dec, lumpectomy and lymph nodes…have to wait until the 5th Jan to see consultant…
Good luck with your results…hugs Lynnx

Hi Jem31, Just to wish you good luck tomorrow when you get your results. Try to write down now any questions you want to ask the doctor because I find that I came away angry at myself for forgetting to ask her something. I hope the results are good ones. Let us know how you get on. Love Val X

thank you for your comments, it’s just what i needed - a bit of support from people who know what i’m going through. I was really positive and kept thinking how lucky i was to have found it so early, but i just seem to have given up the last couple of days. My partner isn’t being supportive and that has made it a lot harder for me, but i do have wonderful friends and family so i’m grateful for that.

hello, good luck with your results - Tally you too - will be thinking about you both over the coming days. I hope that results are positive and that you will both be kind to yourselves and not have too high expectations about how you deal with all of this - its not easy and the stress and upset can creep up when you aren’t expecting it.
sending love
monica xx


Firstly good luck with your results tomorrow.
Following on from everyone else, just take one step at a time, and we are all here to help support you.
Write down all your fears and questions before you go tomorrow it really does help.
As for your partner sometimes people deal with things in different ways, sometimes they block things out rather than deal, especially if they feel helpless. just hang in there.
My thoughts and best wishes are with you.
Luv Jo.

Talk to your oncologist/BCN/surgeon about your fertility worries. I was pregnant when diagnosed, but miscarried after surgery (not caused by the surgery), and was offered IVF - you can freeze unfertilized eggs if your partner won’t assist, but fertilised is better. Sadly for me, that didn’t work either, but it was worth a shot before chemo started. I have also been given injections of Zoladex, which can potentially ‘hibernate’ your ovaries and protect them throughout chemo. It is a bit experimental, but I have read good things about it and really want to try it.

Do you know that you’re definitely having chemo? Do you know yet what type? Talk to them about it, and ask what they can do to protect your fertility.

I was told by my oncologist that FEC-T (which I am on) isn’t the worst for causing infertility, so I have a chance of coming out the other side still with the chance to have children. I have none at the moment and I am 37 now.

Also, you are much, much less likely to go into a permanent menopause if you are below 40, so you have a very good chance of it just being temporary. I am sure mine will be temporary (I have faith and hope!!).

I’m so sorry your partner isn’t being supportive. That’s the pits. All I can encourage is that you try and talk to people about all those questions you must have, and try and share it with him. He might just be scared and not know what it all means and be thinking the worst.

Keeping everything crossed for your node results tomorrow. xxx

Hi everyone!

Mixed emotions today…great news, my node scan was clear and the surrounding tissue, so that was a huge relief :slight_smile: When i was diagnosed, i couldn’t really take it all in (i was on my own for starters because we were all so certain that it was nothing) so i asked them to just tell me what would happen up until the operation. I didn’t know i would have to have chemo and i’m devastated. I know that sounds so selfish or vain and i really am relieved that my results are all clear, i just had it in my head that i was only having radiotherapy.

I think i am seeing the oncologist a week on friday, then we’ll discuss what kind of chemo i will have. i can’t stop crying even as i’m writing this.

My partner won’t be on the scene, he’s made it more than clear that he won’t be around, he doesn’t even know what my results are. 5 years together, engaged and he darts as soon as things get tough. nice.

Hi Jem…

So sorry you’ve had to join us! I know exactly how your feeling…I remember it so well. I didnt havea as good news as you as I had node involvement but I think our treatment is more or less the same! I remember being distraught about having to have chemo…but I think at our age (Im 33) they give you everything…and to be fair looking back now although I didnt want it at the time…Im glad Im having everything to make sure I have the best chance of this not coming back ! The chemo wasnt the best but it flew by and Ive now finished with it. The hair loss was the hardest thing for me to deal with…but I have and its growing back now…please pm me if you need to ask anything or wanna chat xx

As for your partner…I dont know what to say! People deal with things in different ways and maybe hes scared but your the most important one at the moment…that sucks that hes ducked out when the going has got tough! What an awful awful time for you…thank god you said your family and friends have been more supportive!

Thinking of you…use this forum…the girls on here are fab and I couldnt have got through it without them! Noone really knows how your feeling unless they’ve gone through it themselves.

Take care love Sal xx


Glad to see the nodes and tissue were clear. I was in exactly the same position. Apparently my consultant did say that chemo was a possiblity but I was in too much shock to hear that. I also assumed I would only be having Radiotherapy, so the news of chemo was upsetting. I also cried quite a bit (when no-one was around), however I have now had my 2nd FEC today, so I am a 1/3rd of the way through and it is going pretty fast. I can’t say the experience is brilliant but if it keeps me round for longer it’s all worth it.

My oncologist was great and spent a long time explaining what would happen. He also wrote it down for me so I could remember better. Take someone with you to support you and to help you remember what they say. It is so easy to not take everything in.

Good luck for next week and let us know how you get on.


Hi Jem, glad to hear your news, that must be such a relief it hasn’t spread…hugs

I was also alone when I got diagnosed, just wasn’t expecting the news, should have know really when 2 people walked in the door and asked if I was on my own…

roll on next week, this waiting only makes me think bad thoughts…

Hi Jem,

I’m so glad to hear your results were clear.
I was diagnosed in Oct this year and they caught my BC early, so mine also hadn’t spread to the lymph nodes or surrounding tissue, but as it was hormone sensitive and I’m under 40 they suggested chemo, which I took aswell as the radiotherapy to make sure this has the best chance of never ever comimg back.
I’ve had 3 sessions so far,it was scary at 1st, but it’s not too bad but the hair loss is bad but I love my wig.
I would suggest you take a friend with you for your discussion on the chemo. After alot of thought I decided to take a friend rather than my husband, as I wanted someone not so emotionally attached to listen with me, and they were able to take more in than I ever could have, and we could discuss it all rationally afterward.
I’m so glad you’ve got great friends/family who can support you, and now you’ve also got all of us.
I’m sorry about your partner, men!! Sometimes as I said before people deal with things differently, and his way is to bury his head, his loss.
If you ever need to chat just message me, anytime.
Take care of you, and I wish you luck with your chemo.
Love and big hugs to you, Jo, xoxoxo

Hi Jem

Sounds like we are in a similar boat. I’m 32 and was diagnosed in October which is also when I had my lumpectomy and node clearance. My nodes were clear the same as you and I also had good clearance on the lump. It is a relief to hear that you have no more operations to face.

I know that chemo is scary to hear about but I’m not actually finding it that bad. I was expecting it to be painful and make me really really sick but it hasn’t so far (I had my 3rd EC yesterday (would be FEC but I’m 29 weeks pregnant so they decided to leave out the ‘F’). It is uncomfortable for me when they insert the canula (sp?) - notice uncomfortable rather than painful! - but after that it isn’t painful at all. I am usually fine for the first 24-48 hours and then get tired…especially with the added complication of pregnancy. I have also suffered badly with diarrhea and heartburn but this could be added to because I have a sensitive tummy in general and am pregnant. Either way I tell the Oncologist what’s happening and he sorts me out with added drugs!! :slight_smile: The third week I am usually back to my ‘normal’ self (although without as much energy as I used to have).

Sorry to hear about your partner. As others have said perhaps he is just needing time to come to terms with things but at the same time I can appreciate that this is making things even harder for you. Perhaps explain things to your breast care nurse and she can give you a booklet for him to read with offers of additional help etc. In the meantime make the most of your family and friends - I’m glad you have them around to support you.

Thinking of you