I am 33 and have just been diagnosed with breast cancer. I am due to have a wide local excision on Friday and then have been told that I will need to have chemo after because of my age. My mother also had breast cancer in her early thirties so they think it is genetic and want me to consider a double masectomy.
To top it all off I am supposed to be getting married in eight weeks time and don’t know whether to cancel it as I cant face having no hair on the big day. I have been planning this for a year and have waited three years to do it as my husband to be had testicular cancer three years ago (he was only 30). What shall I do?
Lyndsey
Hi Lyndsey
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care forums where I am sure you will receive valuable support, information and advice from the many informed users of this site.
Breast Cancer Care have written a ‘Resources Pack’ for anyone newly diagnosed with breast cancer which you may find helpful to read, it is filled with information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. You can order a free copy from the following link or you can ask for a copy to be sent to you via the helpline.
breastcancercare.org.uk//content.php?page_id=7514
There is information in the pack about our other support services, including our helpline, tel no 0808 800 6000 which you may find useful to use at some point if you need to talk anything through or just need someone to lend an understanding ear. Alternatively if you prefer you can use email: <script type=“text/javascript”>eval(unescape(‘%64%6f%63%75%6d%65%6e%74%2e%77%72%69%74%65%28%27%3c%61%20%68%72%65%66%3d%22%6d%61%69%6c%74%6f%3a%69%6e%66%6f%40%62%72%65%61%73%74%63%61%6e%63%65%72%63%61%72%65%2e%6f%72%67%2e%75%6b%22%3e%69%6e%66%6f%40%62%72%65%61%73%74%63%61%6e%63%65%72%63%61%72%65%2e%6f%72%67%2e%75%6b%3c%2f%61%3e%27%29%3b’))</script>
Kind regards,
Jo, Facilitator
Hi Lyndsey. So very sorry to read that you have been diagnosed with breast cancer, especially at a time when you should be able to just be feeling really excited about getting married. What a terrible blow for you, and your head must be all over the place at the moment. As for “what should you do”, hopefully over the coming days and weeks that will become a bit clearer to you as you get more information. Timing wise, it might just work for you still to get married in eight weeks, especially as all your arrangements are made. It sounds as though your operation is still nearly a week away (and that in fact it is not yet certain whether you will have a WLE or mastectomy), and I would imagine that it would be about four - six weeks after that before the chemo starts anyway. Hopefully you can speak to your oncologist/surgeon/breast care nurse about this, but I wouldn’t have thought that it would make any difference if it were delayed a week or two so that you could enjoy your wedding. Perhaps you could just have a night or two away afterwards, and have a lovely honeymoon planned to look forward to after the chemo finishes if time is tight. Poor you, so much to think about, I’m sure you’ll be discussing this with your fiance/family and friends, and hope that you can make a decision you are comfortable with. Thinking of you - please let us know what you decide and how you get on. Good luck Sarah x
Hiya
I sorry to hear about your predicament After your op it will take sometime before your results are through then they have to arrange chemo so could be some weeks and if its due to start before your wedding maybe they might be able to delay it till the week after Iam sure one week is not going to make that much of a difference. As for double mas you can have recon at same time.
Joanne
Hi Lyndsey
Sorry that you have had to join us here - hopefully you will get a lot of support to get you through this. Im not sure that anyone can answer the ‘what should I do’ question - only you can make the ultimate decision. But I have to agree with Sarah - timing wise you should still be able to have the wedding prior to chemo I would imagine. Perhaps if anything the homeymoon, if you already have it booked, will have to be delayed but again as Sarah says that can be a plan for the future - a welcome ‘something to look forward to’ after the chemo.
Your head must be spinning at the moment with loads of stuff going on - it can be difficult to handle a dx of breast cancer at any time, let alone 8 weeks away from your wedding! My daughter is currently 4 weeks away from her wedding - I was hoping to have hair for that but (7 weeks after chemo) it isnt showing any signs of returning :-(.
Please keep us posted and let us know how you get on .
Best wishes
Margaret x
Hi Lyndsey
So sorry to hear that you have been dx with bc - and sorry to hear of your husband-to-be’s testicular cancer. You’ve not had a hell of a lot of luck recently have you.
As Seabird says the timing may be ok for you to still go ahead with the wedding but perhaps not a honeymoon. Another lady on here was dx the day before her wedding last year and is away on her honeymoon today.
I would advise that you speak with the hospital about the timings of stuff - I’ve not had chemo as I was WLE then rads, but I have read about ladies who’ve postponed chemo for a couple of weeks so that it fitted in better with their plans. I’m sure your BCN will be able to help you with this.
Good luck in making the decision about what surgery you have, it must be very difficult to have to make this decision.
Let us know how you are getting on.
Love Lilac
Hi Lynds
I am so sorry that you have had to join us, I was diangosed in the June, had surgery in the July and started chemo in the September, this was 2 years ago and I asked them to delay my chemo by a couple of weeks as I was going to see Robbie Williams for the first time, they did it and I am so pleased so I think you may be okay to go ahead with the wedding. I truely hope this is what happens for you, have the surgery, enjoy your special day and then start the chemo. I wish you all the very best for your special day but in the meantime, let us know who things go.
Take care and lots of love and support to you.
Claire xx
Hello Lyndsey,
My heart goes out to you. There is so much to be thinking of - the wedding, the operation, the treatment, the future… you have spent so long with the worry of your fiance and then the excitement of the wedding plans - your adrenalin must be sky high!
What should you do? Well, do you feel like going into battle again, all sabres ringing? Then do it. beat the cancer, have the wedding, enjoy the day. Your fiance will have his view too - he’s been through this and he understands. Seize the Day. Life’s too short for things to get in the way.
Chemo is the ‘mopping up’ process as they so nicely put it. It will mop up as well with a bigger gap as a smaller one. It will wait.
At 7 weeks post surgery now, I’d certainly be able to get married today with no pain, wearing my prosthesis proudly and I wouldn’t be too tired - same 2 weeks ago. Less than a month may have been harder without a rest in the middle though! I did manage a big Christening at 2 weeks post surgery where I dressed up, stood in church for an hour then attended a long garden party until 4pm… sat down!! i even did the egg & spoon race… Just to give you an idea of what is possible!
Keep posting, we are here to support you
Td xxx
Dear Linds,
My advice, for what it’s worth.
Get married on the date planned and do lots of celebrating. Ask all your guests to come back in a year’s time (when you have hair) for another celebration. Wear the wedding dress on both occasions.
Don’t worry too much about appearances. A wedding day is not meant to be the best day of your life but the start of the best days of your life. With this in mind it seems such a shame to delay.
Best wishes,
Sue
Hi everyone
Thank you so much for all your kind words and good ideas. It is so nice to have so many lovely people to share support with, it has really cheered me up. In one way you don’t want anyone else to be going through this horrible process but at the same time it is good to talk to other people who understand. I am now inclined to take a leaf out of your books and get on and do the things that I want to do, and not let this BC ruin my plans, you all are a real inspiration! I will keep you posted.
On another note, I have been copied into a letter from the hospital to my GP today and it says that my cancer is triple negative, should I be worried about that, does anyone know?
XX
If you type Triple Negative after clicking on Search[at the top of the page]you will find a lot of info and several threads.Lots of us are trip neg it just means that your cancer is not driven by hormones and it is not suitable for treatment with herceptin.This type of cancer can be more aggressive than some but tends to respond well to chemo.Good Luck and enjoy that wedding.Love Valxx
Hi there … sorry to hear your news … I would go ahead as planned and enjoy your day and then concentrate on beating this b"“”"dy disease like all of us on here are
attempting to do …we arehere for support when it gets tough …i couldnt have got through it without this site xxxxxx
maz xx
Hi Lyndsey.
I’m also 33, also triple neg and did have a bilateral mastectomy as I actually had 2 lots of breast cancer, one in each breast. My fianceé and I were going to get married this year but did decide to postpone it because of the chemo but that’s because I’ll be towards the end of the chemo when we had planned to do it and figured what’s the rush as we’ve been together for 14 years already. We’re also not going for a big event (well we weren’t, I think some others in my family now have other plans gulp). I think in your shoes I’d go for it.
I found recovery from the surgery not too bad at all and was well on the mend after a month. I’m personally not so worried about the triple neg element either, as my surgeon said in my case it was a very fast growing tumour which is bad, but that meant I found it early (because it was fast growing) and the chances of it having spread are lower, which was borne out by my lymphs being clear so woopee. It does mean you’re likely to do chemo but that’s not as bad as I thought either.
Did you have any plans honeymoon wise though?
I would certainly talk to your breast care nurse about your plans as she’ll be able to help get things fitted around you if possible and they’re ever so friendly and helpful as you travel this road for a little while.
So in short, welcome to club and sorry you had to join us.
Angie
Hi Angie
Sounds like we are going through a similar experience and that you have coped with it very well. It must be nice to have a wedding to look forward to after your treatment. You will have to keep me updated on your plans, I am experienced in everything ‘weddings’ now after a year of planning, so can help with any advice or tips that you may need!!
We were due to go on honeymoon to Italy (one week in sorrento and one week in Calabria) and were very much looking forward to it as we have never been to Italy but the wedding is far more important and we can do the honeymoon at any time. Where do you think that you might like to go on yours?
Lyndsey
X
hi Lyndsey
That sounds like a good plan to do the honeymoon later. Something to look forward to after the treatment (other than the rest of your life of course 
We decided that we’d buy and do up a campervan so we can escape every 3 weeks during my chemo. We’ve done this and had our first journey a week ago and are going again week after next. You tend to pick up towards the end of each round of chemo so a lot of us make the most of it and do something fun. So OH and I decided that we’d do some little explorations now and probably take off around europe for a month or something like that… you know we haven’t discussed a honeymoon as such yet, I think we’d better.
Anyway you’ll get through this. I was dx’d as they say back in Jan and actually have my 6 month check up on Friday, it’s gone so fast, treatment will actually be finished end of oct so 4 months to go which means over half way already and I can honestly say despite the breast cancer I wouldn’t wipe this year from memory because I’ve got engaged, and done so many things, some of which, in fact quite a few, I wouldn’t have done without the diagnosis so take your time and pack in some things that you’ll remember fondly to punctuate the treatment with little blasts of happiness (sorry Hippy in me surfacing there).
Honeymoon… hmmm.
Hi Angie
Um, a camper van sounds like a really good idea I remember my husband to be mentioning that he would love one of those. Could be a good way of getting away and forgeting about stuff. I may pinch that idea! Have you been signed off of work whilst having the chemo, only I was expecting to carry on around it, is this a bit too hopeful?
Anyway, hope your six month check up goes ok. I will be busy in surgery with them getting this bloody thing out of me!
Lyndsey
X
Hi Lyndsey
Welcome to you but sorry to hear your news.
I had a bilateral done early May as my sister had cancer at 29 and on my dx, was told I was at high risk of further tumours… When I asked the surgeon if a bilateral was a possibility, she did not say ‘no’ and sought advice from the family history clinic I had been attending for several years.
I do not regret the decision at all and have (hopefully) seriously reduced the risk of recurrence. For what it’s worth, it was an instinctive decision for me which made it easier.
In my experience, listen to your instinct, it’s usually right.
One thought occurs to me regarding your wedding, have you got insurance for it and would that help you make a decision on it?
Do let us know how you get on with everything.
Dawnflower
xxxxx
We’re both self employed, in fact together and it’s the 10th anniversar of the business setting up next week woo hoo. Yes I have managed to work.
actually had bilateral mastectomy on a Thursday, Home on Sat (that was a long boring 2 days, take much entertainment and something to cover eyes and plug ears, hospital wards are no place to rest!). Jumped on computer and back to programming on the Monday. I haven’t been able to do half as much as I would usually though. It’s just too tiring and that included the recovery from surgery. You need to allow time to do the excercises and rest rebuilds the body so you do need it
Hence the campervan because we can just get away on the good weekend every 3 weeks.
They’ll explain this to you but essentially if you’re on a 3 week chemo cycle you have
week 1 where the drugs are in your system and side effects are strongest.
week 2: your immune system is weak for a few days and it’s wise to stay away from infections and nasty bacteria, basically be on guard.
week 3: on your way back up before next dose.
so we legit every 3rd weekend 
last time Kirkudbright, next time we’re thinking Wasdale (Britian’s favourite view though, could be busy 
Best of luck with the surgery. I was warned to see how I felt with just the paracetemol and stay off the morphine unless I felt pain because it can make you feel grogy. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that they get it all for you. I remember the day they told me they had it and the lymphs were clear. I actually skipped out of the hospital… literally
Hey you can borrow my wee caravan means you can go anywhere
Joanne
Business Idea.
Chemo Campervans: Nationwide rental of campervans for chemo patients to escape in on their good weeks.
actually why restrict it to chemo patients anyone dealing with a life threatening disease IMO.