Hi I’m 38 and four weeks ago had a lumpetomy. I also had all my lympth nodes removed. Two weeks ago I was given the news that I have a mastceptomy, a CT scan and start chemo!
All about surreal and too much to take on board, i’m a single mum with two boys 12 & 9, I have a lovely partner, although we don’t live together he has been fantastically supportive along with lots of fab friends, so why do I feel so isolated.
It’s 4.40 am and I’m exhausted I just can’t sleep. I’ve tried to be so positive and carry on as normal but I have my pre op tomorrow, appointment with the oncologist on Wednesday to find out my treatment plan, CT scan wednesday and then my mastceptomy on Thursday week. All I can see at the moment is a whole load of hopsital appointments and it’s consuming so much of my life.
The thing that gets to me more than anything that about from being really really tired, I feel really really well and that makes me angry because I’m going to become unwell with the treatment.
Somehow I can cope with the onset of chemo, but the thought of a having my boob taken off is beyond my comprehension. I’m a 36e and I can’t imagine how I’m going to feel when i’m flat chested on one side. It makes me cry, how will my partner see me, everyone it’s such a horrid feeling.
i’ve shyed away from these forums up til now because I get upset reading the one’s where people haven’t survived. I can’t bear it for my boys not to survive adn I’m determined to survive, but just now tonight at 4.40am I feel so terrifed adn alone.
So to go into melancoly but would love to hear from others in similar positions
Hi Bo,
So sorry that no-one was around for you.This is a great place for support. There are lots of girls in your position.I had a mastectomy last year but I was able to have a immediate reconstruction.If they cannot offer you an immediate reconstruction,you will be able to have a delayed one so if that is what you want ,being lopsided may only be temporary.
I still feel its all surreal and not realy happening to me.
You feel isolated because no matter how supportive family and friends are they cannot really imagine how you feel.Thats why this site is so brill.We all understand.
Just take one scan/appt at a time,small steps and you will get there.
Love n hugs
Dot
xxx
Hi Bo, Sorry you are so troubled about having a mastectomy. I was 39 when I was dianosed and had 2 girls aged 7 and 14. I too felt frightened scared and dreaded the thought of loosing my breast and had chemo to reduce my tumour before the operation was done. I just want to say that what you are feeling is normal. It is scary. But I am still here after 20 years and my girls are now grown and are 27 and 34. I never thought I would still be here after all this time. It has been a difficult road at times but try to take one day at a time. Please keep in touch as there is lots of moral support for you here on this forum. I had reconstruction at the same time as my mastectomy and am pleased with the result. You need to speak to your hospital doctor after all the tesys are completed to see what is best for you as evryone is different. Is there a Breast Care Nurse at the hospital you go to? Sometimes I have had a chat with them if I don’t understand something or if you have any questions that you have regarding your diagnosis. Let us know how you are doing. LOve Val (Scottishlass)
It’s not easy losing a breast (I’m 34 years old), I had a WLE in June 09 followed by a right breast MX a month later, the thought filled me with dread with having 1 breast however I know at the end of my treatment I will be given a reconstruction and essentially a new pair of boobs (I’ll have my left one lifted and may even go up a cup size). Also what comforts me is knowing once the breast was removed they also removed the cancer and hopefully with the Chemo & Radiotherapy treatments it will prevent this awful disease from reacurring.
Try to stay positive, there is plenty of support for you, be strong and take every day as it comes.
I know this whole thing must be awful for you, and I won’t presume to suggest I know what it is like for you. However, one of the things you said in your post is “how will my partner see me”, and I wanted to give you some hope on that. Obviously I don’t know your partner, but I can tell you how I felt/feel as a partner myself.
My wife had a mastectomy and ANC on July 14th (her birthday!). I hate that this has happened to her, and of course I would rather she still had both breasts (which were also fairly big and beautiful), but she is still the same woman that I love. I also think she is still as sexy as she ever was, despite the loss.
It has been important for me that she let me be involved and trusted me to see everything at the same time she did. I think I would have been quite upset if she had tried to hide her wound from me.
Obviously all partners are different, but I hope this small contribution helps.
I had to have emergency mastectomy and full node clearance nearly 4 years ago age 37.
I can understand your feelings as I too dreaded the op and the scars afterwards. I also knew my kids were scared, my daughter was 8 and son 6, when they were ready and it was at different times in showing an interest in asking about it I did show them and they both commented they had imagined a big hole so were quite relieved, my husband says the right things and we have remained close and active but I personally feel its not the same. (its probably more me than him)
I had a neat scar so the medical staff kept telling me,yes the tumour was gone, so had all my nodes, I just found it a constant reminder that I didn’t want especially with the side effects of chemo etc…I wasn’t repulsed by it and the prosthesis hid it well, I just didn’t take to it, you will read a variety of posts on these forums where woman say they accept it and wont consider recon, others who show their scars off and I am in no doubt there will be the usual topless posing in national papers for pink month, that was never for me (personally hated it especially when I was one boobed, thought it got people staring ang talking again) I never felt the need to share my scars not even my recon which is nearly 2 years and really pleased with result, again told I have good surgery, its given me back my shape and femininity and a cleavage.
Hi Bo
Just had my diagnosis and having mastectomy on 5th October. I am scarred also-i cant picture myself actually having the operation ! I have 3 children and a husband unsure just how it will affect everyone!! keep your chin up good luck!!! J
Hi Bo
I had my mastectomy last Monday, i am 38 years old with two young children.
I am going to have reconstruction soon,once the wound has healed.
I made myself look at my body pretty much immediately, to get my head round the fact that it has been removed, BUT that is a good thing, because it means that the nasty cancer has gone with it and i will get a new breast eventually!
Hello Bo, Naz, Debsy and everyone,
I just wanted to wish you well, guys. 12 years ago, at 38 I also had mastectomy and axillary clearance. My children were 9 and 11 at the time and as debsy says, once they are aware what it actually entails they do find that reassuring. I waited 2 years to have reconstruction (TRAM flap)because there were very long waiting lists for the op, but had a fantastic result which I have always been happy with. Like Debsy (again)I just didn’t get on with the prosthesis etc, but of course everyone is so different and we all have different priorities.
At the time I was praying for 10 years to bring up my children, and I have been privileged to have that.
This is such a difficult time, I hope you will all be kind to yourself
take good care
monica
Hi, sorry if i am asking a dumb question but i was wondering why you didnt have reconstruction done at the same time as mastectomy? I was hoping to get recon done at the same time. I am half way through chemo, 5th cycle a week tomorrow, (really scared about it as its docetaxel). Im not sure i can cope with it if they say for whatever reason they cant reconstruct at the same time. There always seems something new to worry about with this cancer thing. When i was on EC i got through it thinking well only 4 cycles then change to another one, only to find thats yucky too, I liked it better when i didnt feel such a wimp, the before cancer days.
anna
Hope everything has gone ok for you (or as ok as I can imagine this takes).
I go in tomorrow for mx, the op itself doesnt scare me but all the other feelings of how I am going to cope with viewing myself have totaly struck a chord. This is 3rd op and last until next year for recon hopefully. Don’t know generally about how early recon works just told would need to go through chemo, then rads before they would do it!
Jansman
Thanks for your posting, I do try to share with my OH but sometimes for me its been easier keeping it in, so will try to be more open with him, after all I’m, the one with BC but we are both suffering because of it
Hi Anna
so sorry - didn’t mean to spook you - loads of people have immediate recon. I opted to wait because at the time my hosp didn’t offer immediate recon and I would have had to go elsewhere, but I wanted my surgeon to do the mx as I really trusted him and had a good rapport. (didn’t realise how long I would have to wait!) things have changed so much in the years since - I’m assuming your hosp do immed recon, I think most do now. My friend had a TRAM flap 5 years after me and spent half as much time as me in hosp, only because of developments in treatment and practise - it has all really come such a long way.
I hope it goes well for you and am sure it will
take care
Monica x
Hi I had reconstruction done at the same time as my mastectomy and had an implant inserted at the same time. It was the LD flap operation. I had this op done 20 years ago so things probably would have changed since then but I was able to look at my scar/new boob immediately and was very happy with the result. If there are any questions you want to ask…fire away. LOve Val (Scottishlass)
they are planning to do mastectomy around january time, my chemo finishes in december. I havent spoken to the surgeon yet, shes new and i think she is the only one at my hospital that does immediate recons. I will know more when i meet with her i guess. I was hoping for the DIEP, is that right?? i dont like the sound of moving muscles about as i want to be able to do all the things i did before, running, cycling, martial arts. I think the martial arts is the one i really need my muscles in the right place for, i need to continue to beat the men at sit ups and press ups. Not sure how realistic i am being though. I had read somewhere because of the micro surgery only plastic surgeons are doing DEIPs so i will see what they say when i meet with the surgeon. Hey at least this will be one bit of treatment that they knock me out for, although i know i am going to find it all just as scarey as the chemo is.
I never realised just how easily scared i was till now.
take care
Hi Anna, I hope things turn out OK and you come out of all this with a recon you are happy with. In terms of being easily scared, all I would say is, we have real things to be scared of don’t we? but we manage to get through it. I always used to say to my kids that its braver to deal with things taht are scary than things that aren’t, and I still think it takes real courage to deal with it. It’s something I’m quite proud of about myself now and I honestly think we all should be.
wishing everyone well
Monica xx
Hi Monica, That was beautifully put. You put into words something I have thought about but never actually said. It is something to be proud about to have gone through all this. I hope you are making the most of your week off. Have you been able to go up the road for your wee walk and listen to your ipod this week? I hope your appointment goes well next week when you get your line in. I am hoping to meet up with LULU and all on Monday. We will meet up too when we are both up and running again! Have a lovely weekend. Much love Monica, from Val XX