4 days to Op.

Well, it’s Monday, 2 letters arrived at wk/end: pre-assessment appt. on Weds 2hrs, then NM sentinal node localisation & imagining on Thursday, allow few hrs, followed by removal of pesky cancer & couple of lymph nodes on Friday afternoon. I feel this isn’t happening to me, but maybe it’s the wine! I’m sure that Radiographer was wrong and it’s only a cyst! Yea, I know, unlikely at this stage after biopsies.
I know I’m really fortunate compared to other ladies (and chaps!). My pesky cancer is fairly small and at early stages, although it won’t be if I keep on guzzling wine with a few dreaded fags creeping in (after I worked so hard at stopping!).
Still, reading everyone’s posts, maybe I don’t have to dread the radioactive jab. I’m worried though that I’ll die under the anaesthetic and leave 2 rescue dogs and a spoilt Tibbie to go gawd knows where. Am phoning calm friends begging them to take my pooches! Mad, huh?!
I really appreciate being able to offload, as to my anxious friends I am behaving as if this wk is nothing to worry about.
Sorry about this but I’m frightened.
S.

Hi Sheila

I want you to know that we have all felt the fear that you talk of. Some of us, like you, did not feel able or want to share this with nearest and dearest, hence the great thing about these forum threads. It is very natural to be afraid, for all sorts of reasons and feeling fortunate does not really fit with the equation. you have to allow yourself to admit to your fear, confront the anger and scream and shout all you want on here. there is always someone to listen and let you know that they too had the same or similar feelings. Your way of dealing with it is right for you and talking about your pets needs with friends is absolutely fine. You will be fine, you will get through it, but don’t be hard on yourself. I was terrified at the outset of my treatment. I have since had surgery, chemo, rads, etc. and I am, in some way, out the other side. I am now working hard to recognise the ‘new me’ and the ‘different future’. You will do that to, in your own way. Thinking of you. Take care, J.

Hi Sheila Mc

As well as the support you receive from the other users you may find it helpful to talk things through with one of our trained members of staff on the BCC helpline. Here you can share your feelings and concerns with someone who will offer you a listening ear as well as emotional support and practical information. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open weekdays 9 to 5pm and Saturday 9 to 2pm.

Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator

“But I’m frightened”
That shows you are normal, Sheila.
Not everyone does, I guess, but most of us do.
Very often about different things.
I didn’t have the NM jab thing as was going for axillary clearance, but I too was petrified of the anaesthetic as have major lung problems, and my respiratory doctors had said “shortest anaethetic possible”
I anticipated waking up in ITU or at least High Dependency, and woke up in Recovery feeling absolutely fine, and so relieved to be shot of the b****y lump, got checked over and was back in the ordinary ward feeling OK in no time.
Also did the total denial bit!
It is very difficult knowing how to pitch it to friends, one doesn’t want to come across as a complete whimpering wreck, but sometimes being too cool means you don’t get the support you need-except on here!
The pre op stuff is nicely routine.
And I feel better when I get to hospital and they start all the routine checking you in stuff, and you realise this is what they all do every day. It helps a bit.
And the other people in the ward usually help as well.
Thinking of you
Lavender
xx

Apologies if this come through twice, everything seems to be sticking

Hi Sheila,

I’m not that much far in front of you! So my been there got the T-shirt is still warm! There is no pre-described way of feeling, so don’t beat yourself up. Your feelings are your feelings and no-one can belittle them!

I had a WLE & sentinal node biopsy on 27th July with the radioactive injection but didn’t have the wire. Each of us have different experiences but I had no problem with the injection, general anaesthetic and infact home by 2pm that day! However, I wasn’t so lucky with having a grade 3 tumour & not enough clear margin taken away - so I’ve got another op on Weds. At the time when I was told, I took it well. When hubby & I left we cracked up a little at starting again but with the help of the ladies on here … I’ve got myself back together and just think well it’s another 2 weeks off work!

Sorry, if I’ve rambled a bit all I wanted to say was … It’s ok to be scared, to rant & rave, to worry about your darling pets … you’ll get through it and we are all with you!

Axx

its surreal isnt it? how can it possibly be me that is going through this? Will I wake up tomorrow and its all a dream (or night mare)

ok the pre-assesment is a doddle, unless like me you have a needle problem cos they will want a blood sample. Its quite bizzare being told you have to sanitise yourself before you come in for the op, but then its re-assuring that they are so concerned about infection that you are not going to catch anything.

I tell you the SNB thing is anothere doddle, even for me with the needle problem. A bit of a wasp sting and then it was interesting watching the die on screen working its way up to the sential nodes.

as to the op–gosh I never evan considered the fact i might die on the table. But the recovery was realy quick, slower than some others cos anesthetic knocks me for a six, but i did not need pain killers and have full movement and strength back now.

and i am realy lucky. The got all the bad bits out first time, so i did not need a second op. And they recon they can control it with just radiation and hormone pills. had my first rads today, and everyone was so kind and respecful and did everything they could to make it a good experiance. I felt as if i was in star ship enterprise and any moment would hear “beam me up scotty” but it was all very quick and easy to do.

No matter what anybody says the next 4 days are not going to be good. It is natural to be scared sensless, to go over the worse scenario, to examine every little what if. Some people who have not been here will tell you to be possative and that it will be alright. Well it probably will be alright, but if you want to be negative, be totally negative and accept that is what you need to be feeling.

do come on here and rant again, its what makes this site so good, everybody understands what those first stages were like.

Can’t add anything useful other than my support for you, the others have said all the good stuff.

Come onto the forums and freak out if you need to, nobody will look at you funny, and we’ll all know exactly where you’re coming from.

Friday will come and go, and your tumour will be gone, and Saturday you’ll be sipping your tea in bed (I bloomin’ well hope someone brings you a cuppa in bed on Saturday!) wondering what you’d made all the fuss about, but meantime you just make as much fuss as you like because it IS scary.

I was scared silly about the GA as well, after a bad experience about 2 5 years ago. But I was really reassured by the thoroughness of all the pre-op checks. And I was fine. had a lovely sleepy evening after, but not at all unplesant. And soooo relieved afterwards.

Hi Sheila I remember all too well being where you are right now do what you need to do just to get through, & YOU WILL it will get better once the surgery is over & you have your follow up appointment/ treatment plan in place you will feel a sense of control back, right now its just like you have no control & it is sooo frightening all the uncertainty, whats ifs, … try not to think ahead take one day at a time & before you know it things will be looking alot better

HUGS
Mekala xx

Thanks for your lovely message, Mekala. On 3rd glas of wine, hope that’s ok! Have had 2 days of tests, which surprised me, just thought of op. not that all the stuff before would make me uptight. I’m trying to behave so-called normally as friends are taking it v.badly.
2 pooches in kennels for 2 nights 1 old sedate pooch with a friend, it’s very quiet here - maybe another glass of wine or would medics refuse to operate in the am?!
This website and all the smashing people have been a marvellous support, I can say anything without ‘You’ll be fine’!.
Hugs back.
Sheila x

They can refuse to operate, yes.
It’s not worth the risk.

Good luck tomorrow, dont give yourself a hangover though, not a good way to start the day, especially as you are not allowed to eat or drink before the op.

If you were in a private hospital they would be giving you wine with your evening meal so a few glasses cannot be all that bad especially if it make you more relaxed.

Just think this time tomorrow it will be over.

love

OAL

After Fec-T and one postponement, i’n not chancing it.
My bcn said no, and that’s good enough for me. ttfn.

Hi Sheila

Thinking of you for tomorrow. Just remember we will be here when you get back to the forum! And that will be before you know it. Now, no more wine, you’re making me jealous! I entered a pact with hubby to not drink on ‘school nights’ as we call them, after I returned to work in May! Roll on Friday for ‘my wee wine’! Take care, J.