Still very much in shock and in the dark. Have an appt with Consultant on Tuesday 2nd May and an MRI booked for Friday 5th May. I have 3 daughters none of whom live with me. The eldest 23 I have talked to over the phone as she lives 250 miles away. The other 2 age 21 and 15 live 120 miles away and are coming to visit for the weekend. I wanted to wait to tell them until I has seen the Consultant but as they will be here together I have decided to tell them. I just dont know what to say??? Help! x
Hi Trish - it’s a difficult one. My 3 children are the same age as yours (well the youngest is 18) and when I was diagnosed I told them all straight away but said it in a positive way like “they’ve found it and now let’s get rid of it”. I’ve had a positive attitude right through my journey (sometimes having the little dip now and then) and I only chose to keep things from them that they didn’t need to know (e.g. when my MRI showed another 6 small lumps - i didn’t discuss that with them as felt it would worry them more when actually I was having an mastectomy so 1 lump or 10 it was coming out). They are absolutely fine about it all - i’m back at work and continuing life as it was before cancer - the shadow of a BC diagnosis will always be there but I think we will just learn to live with it. Bit like having a heavy rucksack on your back and as the years go by it will become lighter and lighter until you know it’s there but can ignore it. The period you are at now is awful and the girls on here used to answer my concerns saying it gets easier and omg it does it really does.
Hi Trisha,
Sorry you find yourself here, but welcome anyway.
Not a lot more to add to what Alex has said, but just to endorse that there is no reason not to be positive & thankfully it can now be deallt with. The early days of diagnosis are such a shock.
Do come & chat or vent whenever you need to, we’ve all been there, either at your stage of diagnosis/treatment or out the other side.
ann x
Hello Trisha
When I was faced with telling my family about my diagnosis six weeks ago I agonised a bit over how to break the news, but in the end decided to opt for telling it straight, as simply and clearly as I could. I said that I’d had a recall after a dodgy mammogram, had a biopsy, that it is cancer but it’s been caught early and is being dealt with. I felt very strongly that naming the problem takes away from its mystique and power - like Harry Potter refusing to call Voldemort ‘You-Know-Who’ - and naming it seemed to help them to ask their own questions.
I was lucky in that the shock/numbness thing didn’t kick in until after I’d had those conversations. Now, recovering from the surgery and waiting for the Oncotype DX score to come back, I’ve fallen into a bit of a trough, but this forum helps a lot; its good to be in touch with people at so many different stages of the journey, and get some hope from those who’ve got through the battles and can now celebrate their return to normal healthy lives.
I’m wishing you well through this difficult first stage, and I hope you get the answers you need when you see the consultant next week.
Lin
Hi Trisha, everyone is different. I did not tell my sons until the path results were in. They both live hundreds of miles away and I felt there was nothing they could do, and this would be difficult for them.
I’m a bit of a let-it-all-out kind of person, so phoned all my friends one after another to tell them. The more I said it , the easier it got. I found the phone easier than face to face. I got quite tearful at sympathetic words , but could be factual on the phone. My son used the booklet from here to tell the grandchildren. I did have to face time my grand daughter as she was worried, but because I didn’t want to upset her I was fine.
You’ll find the right words when it’s time, and if you have a few tears that’s ok too. Good luck. X
Hi Trisha,
We told our sons, then aged 14 and 10, the day after I was diagnosed in February last year as it was the start of the half term which we thought would give them time away from school to manage their feelings about it. It also made it easier for me to go to appointments without lying about where I was going. They were both very upset, the oldest asked if I was going to die and if I was going to lose my hair whilst the youngest was very angry and said that we shouldn’t have told him, he didn’t want to know. I told them what I had been told, that the consultant said the prognosis was very good, it had been caught very early and was very treatable. I also showed the youngest pictures of famous women that he would recognise from TV (Kylie Minogue, Maggie Smith etc) so he could see they were still live and kicking! By the end of half term they were both fine as things pretty much continued as normal. I was pleased that we were honest from the beginning and do think that this helped them cope - if we didn’t seem frightened by it then they weren’t either. Your daughters are older and you know them best so I hope that you will be able to find the right time and way to tell them. For me it all happened over a year ago, I’ve had my first clear annual check, and life is pretty mch back to normal as it will be for you too at some point. Take care. Michelle xx
Hi just diagnosed 3 days ago still in shock, my kids are 26 nd 20 have decided not to tell them for another few weeks it’s killing me lying to them but my son is in the middle of university exams nd daughter 16 weeks pregnant I’m terrified he will fail his Exams with the stress and I want her to have her 20 week scan before I break the news I know how you are feeling cos I feel the same, it’s like a bad dream I can’t wake up from x
Hi Mishy,
Sorry you’re joining us, but welcome. The early days of diagnosis are a shock.
Honestly, it does get better when everything’s confirmed & your treatment plan is in place. Treatment is very good now & has bc has some of the best outcomes out there.
Obviously, you feel you want to protect your children at the moment, but also do come on here & chat or vent as you need to, there’s loads of us here going through what you are now as well as those of us out the other side.
There is also the helpline above if you feel you want to talk things through.
ann x
Hi Mishy ,my son was in the middle of his exams(A levels ) when I was diagnosed 2 years ago and I kept my diagnosis quiet so as not too jeopardise this .It is very hard keeping such a secret, quite a strain but I’m glad I did . Personally I think it is a lot easier to talk to loved ones about diagnosis when you have more information about what happens next and when and also gives you a little bit of time to get your head around it yourself and therefore be able to be calm and positive when you talk to them.Like Ann says the first few weeks after diagnosis are really awful and you are in shock but it does get easier and once you start treatment you do feel better.The outcomes for the vast majority of ladies with breast cancer are really good so try to focus on this in your moments of panic .All the best .Jill.
Thanks everyone for your replies they have really helped I feel much better today, once I have spoken to my consultant on Wed I will know more! I was told but it never went in, hence my app this Wed coming! Think I’ll take a note book to jot things down! It’s good to hear that I’m not the only one who has had to keep this a secret I don’t feel as bad now xx hugs to u all x
Glad you are feeling better .Its very hard to take it all in at the first appointment all you hear is the word “cancer” then "wibble wibble "…
Just echoing what Jill & Helena said on telling family. I also waited until I’d seen the surgeon & got the treatment plan before telling my elderly parents & the rest of the family. It was then much easier to be factual & positive about it.
ann x
Yeah I know I’m doing the right thing by not telling the kids yet, I will have had my op by that time and all the facts about what will be happening xx but thanks again for your advice everyone x
Have two pens and paper thankyou for your reply x
Have two pens and paper thankyou for your reply x
Good luck for tomorrow x it’s a roller-coaster of emotions I’m feeling you all are probably the same I feel in limbo till I know exactly what I’m facing too x on diagnosis day last Wed I couldn’t take it in properly but after reading some of the other ladies experiences I know I will probably feel a lot better just out of interest did any of you have a radioactive seed implant as I know Im definitely having that this Friday prior to surgery x
I don’t know? apparently it’s something they have recently trialled here in Newcastle for people who have larger breast it has to stay in for ten days before they can do surgery I think it is a marker of some kind but because I went I to a total melt down last week I can’t even remember what they said just know I’m getting it put in this Fri! I think this is why they wanted me to go back for a chat in clinic if this Wed to explain in detail xx
Thanks yeah I’m taking my mam with me along with a pen and paper with some pre written questions, I’m just grateful that I found it and between my gp and the breast clinic they have had me assessed and diagnosis in such a short time.
Annie
Yeah got to agree the BC nurse’s are lovely my consultant is too hope everything went well for you they did say I needed the seed I have large breasts with a lot of scarring from a previous reduction in 2007 but they have grown back! Just want to say thanks to of you today I’ve been a bit down, feel better now! Good luck Trisha for tomorrow hope a goes well x hugs to you a x
Michele aka mishy