Well, true to my decision, I contacted the Cancer Research helpline today, to see whet they might suggest re my situation. A female nurse, who sounded quite distant, answered. She went through the bits about macro and microcalcifications, blah, blah. How they are very common etc, and it’s most likely to be benign (as if I don’t already know that!). So a six months wait “seemed a reasonably measured response” and would not have been done without good thought (which I think is true, it did go to the multidisciplinary meeting). She also pointed out that if they do an open biopsy you end up with scar tissue which can mask future possible problems. I hadn’t thought of that, and can also see that point. Yet I felt dismissed, which I think was as much about the rather cold and distant manner as anything else. And the crunch came when she said “It’s more of a case of you managing your anxiety”. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!!! I had already said it had been 10+ weeks, and in that time I have got on with my life - which I did point out to her.In fact I think I am mananging my anxiety very well! I continue to get on with my life! I decided to disentangle from that conversation as fast as possible. Couldn’t stand it! I could carry on but it would be a rant, so I won’t.
oh God Aquinnah - that is awful, can’t really think of anything helpful to say or suggest, but please do keep posting here for moral support. It does sound as though you are getting on with your life and not just sitting around limply waiting, but the nurse really could have been more empathetic…xxchipperxx
Good morning Aquinnah, Sorry uou have had such an unpleasant phonecall. One nurse said something unpleasant on the phone to me too and advised me " it is not a good idea to look up things on the web about it"…what does she think I do with the info?..Sometimes I think they are so busy but I also think they haven’t a clue really about what they say and how upsetting their comments can be. PLEASE rant away. We all need a rant and it is good to hear that we are not alone in the ranting!! Hugs Val (Scottishlass)
I must say this wasn’t one of the Breastcancercare nurses. I rang her the other day and she was delightful!
But as a trained counsellor myself I do wonder about the training. It also so happens that much of the further training I am doing has to do with empathy and attunement. Well, I got a good example of how not to attune. When I go back to my training I may well use it as en example. Feels like a bit of synchronisity going on - as I am writing about it as well re something else as it happens.
But part of my more understadning self also says: Well it was Cancerresearch and they talk to diagnosed cancer patients (not an excuse, but a reason), she may have been arguing with her husband etc, etc. Or she may just be badly trained and unsuitable.
I am not in a ranty mood any more just now, but perhaps above will do.
Hi again, Yes Aquinnah, I too have spoken to 3 different breasr Care Nurses over the past week and they have been absolutely wonderful. I have had a few things to sort out and they have been patient, kind and understanding. I would give them 5stars ***** They have listened to my questions, got back quickly with answers, and remained reassuring, and told me my questions were relevant and “NO” I wasn’t wasting their time… But the nurses on the ward itself are different. Some are fantastic but some haven’t got a “scooby”. I don’t mind if they don’t know something. Sometimes I know more than they do!. Recently one nurse told me I had to re-start to my chemo treatment even although I explained I couldn’t yet and why. Because I have been experiencing cancer for a LONG time I see huge changes in the care we get now compared to then and not all for the best. Also there are huge numbers of young women patients these days. The staff sometimes run round like headless chickens as they have so many people to look after. When the ward is less busy the atmosphere is definatly much more calm. The confidentiality is also poor. You can be sitting next to someone and hear about all their side effects and problems, and they can hear mine too, poor souls! I cope with this going on because I have been going to the hospital for 20 years. Do I get a gold badge now??? Love Val (Scottishlass)
Hello Val (Scottishlass - I try to read your email with a scottish accent),
Listening to people like you makes me feel that my concerns do pale. And it is so good to get things into proportion!
I am so sorry to hear you have suffered ill health and all the treatments for so long. And yet you still have the energy to support others! Thank you again for that!
And I am glad to hear you are looking after yourself - by asking for help when needed and by knowing what is right for you.
Hi Aquinnah, Thanks for that. Just hope you have the correct Scottish accent then! There are numerous different accents. I have an Edinburgh one! So what kind of accent do you have so I can practise yours? Where do you live?. What an unusual name you have too, much love Val XX
I sort of know the Edinburgh one - but I would never speak my version of it - or indeed any version of any Scottish accent - within anyone’s hearing! I would thoroughly disgrace myself, of that I am sure!!
Yes, I have an accent too, though not everyone can hear it, and very few place it correctly. I am indeed Swedish, or at least in parts. But I have lived here a long time so it has been levelled out a lot. Just a bit of something to make people who are interested in accents a bit curious, trying to work out what it is. Mostly guessing South African.
My real name isn’t Aquinnah, it is my internet name. It is a native American name and means something like stones in water. I loved the image of that! As I work in professions where confidentiality matters and as I am concerned for those reasons of my privacy, I stick to that name when on the ‘open market’.
I love your name and it’s meaning. It reminds me of a saying I heard recently - making reference to cancer troubles … it goes something like this … The brook would have no music, if it weren’t for the stones.
I was wondering, did they say DCIS by any chance? The reason I ask, is there has been a lot of “press” lately about x in 4 women are needlessly treated for breast cancer, when it would go away naturally. And if this scrutiny has made medical teams wary of jumping into surgery and treatment.
I know very few cancer survivors who didn’t worry, before, after and during treatments. It’s Big, it’s Huge and it’s your life and health and well-being. You’re normal. It’s a shame that people in the business don’t “get it”.
Whatever choices you make, I hope everything will turn out okay.
No, they didn’t mention anything and I wasn’t clued up enough to ask. (Much more clued up now)But there were certainly mixed messages! On the one hand, it takes years to become palpable (so ‘it’ is a something then you think?), on the other hand leave it six months (it probably isn’t anything - or is is so slow growing anyway). Yes, it must have been said it could be a nothing, though nothing totally explicitly and I have no clear memory of that, but not clearly stated it was a something either. I did ask the doctor what it could be if it wasn’t cancer or DCIS, and all she said the options cover a whole A4 page. A feed back I will give at the end of all this is that there needs to be far more info!!! If you have a lump I suppose you begin to familiarise yourself as to what’s what and perhaps try to sort a few questions out, even if you get it wrong, but if you go there from mammography you start from nothing as it were. A good thing, but also then very uninformed. So you don’t think of any questions, like I didn;t.
Hi Aquinnah, Accents, I love them. In fact I have told many friends that it is not the looks of a man that really attracts me it his accent. I just love voices. When I met my husband he had an accent that was partly New Zealand, partly English with a smattering of Scots. Must have done it for me coz we have been married happily for nearly 40 years! Take David Beckham ( please take him coz I don’t want him!) looks quite presentable…until he opens his mouth…then that weak voice. Does anyone agree or that is just me? Now your choice of name Aquinnah…Stones and water…wow that is spooky…my favourite book of ALL time is called “Stones From the River” By Ursula Hegi…sometimes pathes are just meant to be crossed. Have a great weekend. The weather forecast looks good, love Val XX
As for David Beckham, I do think I will let Posh keep him! He has never done it for me either - but then not many - if any - young, hairless men with wash board stomach have! I am not sure if accents is necessarily my thing, in your kind of way, but the person has to be interesting to talk to and have a glint in the eye. So one of those ‘modern’ calendars with topless young men is just wasted on me.
me too - don’t get David Beckham (and a voice is important !) or the likes of Brad Pitt etc - I like someone with a bit more to them -my absolutely favourite man is Christopher Eccleston !
Sorry to interrupt this thread but have only just noticed it and my comments refer back to original subject… but just wanted to to say I’m glad you called the NHS, and it sounds that what you were told at your original meeting re 6 months seems to be the usual advice, which is all you wanted to know I think. As for managing your anxiety I certainly didn’t get the impression it was taking over your life!!! off to sweden and the likes, good for you! Some people can be so insensitve and condescending!!! Anyway, it always good to try and put your mind at rest and you seem to have done that… now where we, oh yes Christopher Eccelston… actually if we’re talking about gorgeous men with accents how about David Tennant???
Yes, I am more of a David Tennant person than a Christopher Eccleston. I will come back to said interesting??? topic in soon, but must now go to check dinner isn’t turning into carbon.
Thanks for you kind comments! I have been glad to hear from one person on here, can’t off hand remember the name, that she was also told it takes 8 years from microcalcification to lump. Where did you see that bit about 6 months? I am sure I have seen similar things, though not on any cancer related sufferer support site, more in articles about microcalcifications, I think.
With hind sight I really wish that the clinic had been a bit more informative; it wouldn’t have stopped the worrying, which is about the knowing what it is, but it might have felt more reassuring to have it properly explained. Even the word microcalcification wasn’t used. I worked that out myself afterwards, by remembering what it looked like. Anyway, in due course I will feed that back to the clinic. Already in the summer I noticed that Breakthrough the other breast cancer site has a long guideline as to what happens next, but it neither mentions that you can be referred from mammograms nor that they can have problems doing the full assessment there and then. I think that needs highlighting! If it is in print it makes it feel so much more normal…though you still of course have the naggy worry about not knowing.
As for me, it feels like I have had a convulsion of anxiety this last week - possibly an accumulation from the several weeks away when there was no-one ever to mention it to and I sat in the evenings trying to find ‘answers’. These are the quiet moments, like end of days etc. I cannot thank all of you fellow women who have been so kind and supportive the last few days! And also made me laugh at times! With that my worry, though not gone nor likely to be until it is all resolved, has reduced down several notches. It is also good to hear from you who have such day to day anxiety’ coping with the fall-out from diagnosis of cancer, and painful things to deal with! It doesn’t half help getting my own worries into proportion - and I may very well be lucky and not have your worries in the end.
So thank you all for your generosity of spirit! I won’t forget any time soon!!! And I will remain on here.
Now back to other matters: I didn’t say last night: yes, David Tennant rather than Christopher Eccleston for me, but his stary eyes do rather concern me…he can look a mite manic!