6 weeks after treatment my boyfriend walked out

6 weeks after treatment my boyfriend walked out

6 weeks after treatment my boyfriend walked out I feel like I’ve been deserted!

My boyfriend didn’t cope very well when I was going through treatment. During the lumpectomy and lymph node removal he was there everyday but by the time is came to the chemo he started to get bored of looking after me and starting going away with his mates more. Which made me feel like I was coping on my own, unloved and generally miserable.

The relationship was rocky before I was diagnosed but I felt that if we got through the cancer treatment we could get through anything. So I thought!

last night he called it a day, just 6 weeks after my treatment had finished! I don’t feel ready to let go and I don’t feel confident enough to move forward with my life! I had to force myself to come to work today after one hours sleep. My hair is coming slowly in but I don’t look or feel myself. I put weight on with the chemo and have such a low self esteem.

Has anyone gone through something similar? I’m really struggling.

Karen xxx

don’t go to work if you feel like shit, but go and do something nice instead, for the soul. If he walked out he wasn’t the right one for you Well that’s my theory. It can be very difficult for partners and friends to cope. It’s certainly helped me weed out a few of my old friends

Mole

Heck what a thing to have to deal with! I can relate to the whole low esteem thing, I think it comes with the territory! This must be like salt in the wound to you, have you got any good friends you can turn to?

Even though my first impression is to think that he is not worth thinking about, it can be so difficult for family , partners and friends to deal with. I know one of my sisters went through a harder time than I did, at least we know that all we can do is grit our teeth and get on with it, but they are looking on and knowing that there is not a lot they can do except be there for support. This in some ways can be harder for some people. I know for a fact that I would rather go through what I have done than watch one of my sisters do it

You must make sure that you have someone to talk to, if you have no close friends or family then do mention it to your breast care nurse as she can put you in touch with people who can help. I certainly used other people to offload on to as I could’nt put anyone close to me under any more pressure than they were already

I do hope you get over this…and with help you will! So please get your friends around you, or if that is not possible, speak to someone at the hospital, there are people out there who will help you. Honestly, I speak from experience, I am quite a private person and never dreamed that I could open up to a starnger, but I did, and it helped!

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. Hi Karen,
Just to tell you it’s not the end or the world.When I was dx I was living on my own and coping very well I think. I had this friend who lived acorss the water in Ireland we were good friends and hadspoke everyday on the phone never expected anything more. The one day guess what? He decided he was coming to visit me in London.
He came the week -end of my first chemo, said how he always thought we should be together … etc The day before my 3rd chemo he told me he was building a house for a friend . I asked if it was a girlfriend and was told " well not really the relationship is over"
I asked him why he came back ? … he said it was me he wanted to be with and wanted desperately to look after me… ( so sweet !)
He was fantastic he talked to the Dr, nurses , got everything that I could possibly want…But he never ended his relationshsip…
led me to believe he had… and in the end I had to have councelling
to get back on track … It was all very very painful.

You can do this, you don’t need people who are not going to treat you right, you don’t need anyone hanging around just because you are ill.
If he is not prepared to take you away and make sure you are enjoying yourself during this terrible time… then I say let him go
give him a hand … pack his bags. You can do tonns better than that.

I’m on my own now, and consider I have had a lucky escape.
I have not been this happy for so long. I too put on loads of weight but have lost it all by doing gentle exercise and eating good healthy food I was 10 stone now down to 8.25 which was my weight before dx. We all have it in us - be good to yourself and give yourself a chance

A good idea is to talk to someone, someone who will listen and just let you get it all out of you system, and I mean all ,every suspicion and bad feeling you had about the relationship. it is a wonderful feeling just to let go of all that emotion and don’t feel bad about it. you will find it is the best thing for you. You have the strength to do it and you really can be happy.

I have very little support but hell no support is better by far that having the wrong person living in your home and constantly upsetting you. I know how you feel every week end he goes away without you, not even thinking that maybe you need or even that you would like to go away with him .
Yes I know it can be hard for the family and friends, but if a relationship is not working then the most damaging thing is for one party to feel trapped by someone’s illness. This was my situation and I became a prisoner in my own home.

Lots of hugs
Kieran

That’s an awful tale I can’t believe how mean some men are - you’re doing really well to be coping.

I was dumped this week too. Probably a good thing in the long run but it doesn’t make it any easier to keep on getting better.
I feel very foolish. At my age you’d think I’d have learned not to be fooled.

But at least I’m not alone. Youamy be feeling unhappy but you’ve given me some reassurance - all of you.

xx

Karen:

You have dealt with having breast cancer, having debilitating treatments that have brought you to the edge and back whilst managing a boyfriend who was gradually dis-engaging?

Girl, you need a medal!!

In the last few months just look at what you have had to summons the strength to deal with: diagnosis, the dreaded unknown, surgery, infusions of highly toxic drugs into your veins, hospital visits, your immune system disappearing in front of your eyes, hair loss, managing other people’s reactions, keeping the boyfriend happy, nausea and vomiting (I assume), working.

I’ve not being through rejection since my dagnosis but I have been ditched a number of times beforehand. I used to be very overweight and then slimmed down in 2000 to a size 10 which I have sort of maintained (im a 12 now). I know what its like to experience huge changes in body shape and also the reaction of people before and after weight loss. I am now going to have the same thing with the chemo business.

This will get better for you but you may need to take some small steps to make it get better:

Focus on the good: Your treatment has finished and you’ve got through it. Eat well, be as active as you can and allow your body to start to heal and recover.
Remember the things you liked to do before you lost ‘yourself’
Put yourself at the top of your priority list. Don’t dwell on the boyfriend, it’s upsetting. This sounds harsh but if he aint dwelling on you, he doesn’t deserve a second thought!
Try not to contact the aforementioned boyfriend.
Try not to see the boyfriend through rose tinted spectacles
Get in touch with your frivoluous side and do things that make you happy.
Give work a miss if you aren’t sleeping
Start filling some of that spare time that was time with him (when he wasn’t out with his mates).

Im not sure if that helps but I hope it does a bit!

kathryn

In The Same Boat ! Hi Karen , so sorry to hear your story , just when you think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel -it all falls apart ! I’m going through exactly the same , your description of how caring he was at the beginning is just like my husband . We have been together 18 years and have 2 children , When diagnosed he appeared devestated , cried more than me , then as you described with every chemo he got more and more distant - asking for a drink when having my worst days with chemo - you would have thought I had asked for the world! - he made me feel like a burden . Friends were supportive and said how difficult it must be for him to watch and not be able to help!! - looking back I realise he was thinking of when he could leave without looking a complete b*******. He broke the news via my birthday card - hadn’t got the guts to face me !!! So be reassured you are not alone , and completely know how you are feeling , Like you I put weight on with chemo , lost my hair and my confidence is at rock bottom , how they can be such pigs is beyond me , I thought I knew him after been together so long - how wrong I was !! . I finished my treatment 2 weeks ago and now have all this to deal with !! Life can not get much worse - luckily I have support from my friends and family , I hope youi have someone to talk to - please try and speak to someone , I hope this makes you feel less alone - take care - things can only get better Jilly +++

Snap The same thing happened to me but my boyfriend did not wait six weeks, he waited one week before my treatment was finished to say it.

I really thought I was alone and could not believe someone else was going through what I am going through right now.

We had been together two years before I was diagnosed and although he did not attend appointments etc., he was there at the end the phone when I called and supported me.

At my age, I find it hard to believe I have to start all over again.

You can Do it I’m sorry to hear what you are going through and would like to add my words of comfort. My husband of 24 years walked out on me during my radiotherapy so I have some idea of what you are going through. I have 3 teenage children and they were absolutely fabulous throughout it all and I had a lot of support from friends and family but its still really really tough and I know that its the moments when you’re scared and it all seems overwhelming that are the hardest to cope with. My advice is focus on the positives - you have come to the end of your treatment and you have a lot to look forward to. You will get tired and thats when its tough emotionally, but hang on in there. A year down the line (almost to the day), I finally feel as if I am in control of my life. I have a good job, a good social life, and touch wood am healthy. In some ways its the best thing that could have happened as I was forced to totally re-assess my life and my values.

Big hugs
Jackiexxx

same for me Finished my treatment in March.

Partner of 4 years was horrible and we had bad times before my diagnosis. I had our daughter 6 months prior to being diagnosed and I thought we’d get through it all and come out the other side stronger. How wrong could I have been.

He even made me feel cr*p last week by saying he found it offensive that I was sweaty (due to my hot flushes brought on by chemo and/or tamoxifen).

I wonder if I will ever meet anyone that is special to me and I to them. I thought this was it - he even proposed and bought me a ring but I stopped wearing it after one month.

We have had the house on the market but it’s just not selling. I cook him his dinner but he leaves it and makes himself something else. He then sits upstairs all evening so he doesn’t have to be in the same room as me.

I don’t know how much more I can take.

My husband left me Poor you Karen,men really dont know how to cope with illness.I had my first cancer & mastectomy 10 yrs ago,its returned.My husband the first time waited till Id had my chemo then said he needed someone else.it was a friend of my eldest daughter!!!To me Im sure it was because id lost my figure in more ways than one.My hair had gone,weight went up and I had the one boob.I was devastated as wed been married for 20 years.I had a semi breakdown then found a new understanding husband (I had divorced) My new husband has found it hard and a major shock when cancer came back…but hes fine now as Im on my last week of Rads.He accepts that Ive one breast…my ex husband made his new wife have breast enlargement thats how important Boobs were to him! Anyway they are now divorced & hes found another young dolly bird to live with.I really know how you feel Karen ,but they arent the right partner if they abandon us are they.Go and pamper yourself,have “ME” time.Time does heal.Best wishes Debzz x