My OH has had to go to London to see family and he isn’t back until Tuesday. As I’m on my own, I pretty much had the weekend all mapped out because I’m on a course for some voluntary work I do all next week (I’m fitting this in before our next work project starts when OH gets back). I’m also on a distance learning course and was supposed to write my latest assignment on Wed/Thurs so it would be done before OH went off. I had planned to spend today working on a website I’m doing as work experience.
Unfortunately. my elderly aunt was taken to hospital by ambulance on Wednesday morning and my cousins live an hour away. Neither could be contacted so I had to spend all Weds morning at the hospital CCU, which meant I had to abandon doing my course assignment; it also knocked my husband’s schedule out as he had projects to finish, so I had to help yesterday. We had to go back to the hospital last night as one cousin is unable to drive with an eye problem and the other doesn’t drive in the dark. What bugs me is none of them as much as phoned me when I was really ill (not even my aunty - didn’t see her for a year and she lives in the same street!). They didn’t even visit my dear old dad when he was in care, yet if anything goes wrong with their mum I always step in as I’m close by. One cousin doesn’t work as she has a wealthy husband, the other’s wife only works weekends.
Even worse, OH went off to the airport at 4.30 am this morning. I went back to bed and our elderly cat peed all over my brand new bedroom cushions which were on the floor. Poor Susie knew she had done something wrong because she went into our office and hid under my desk (she’s 16 and has hyperthyroidism,I love her to bits).I got so wound up I sent OH a hissy text (don’t worry I’ve apologised) because HE dumped the cushions there. I’ve not slept well the last couple of nights because seeing my aunty all wired up with machines constantly binging brought back what I went through over 2 years ago when I was in isolation; it’s also made me worry about my annual check up in 2 weeks and I was feeling fine about this.
The weekend’s all to hell now, I’m not going to get down to everything I wanted to do and it’s made me feel a bit panicky. I’ve had to put all the (dry clean only) cushions and inners in the wash and I’m trying to tumble dry them at the moment (duck feather so it’s taking ages). I’m so angry I haven’t got my coursework off as I’m already behind due to the recent postal strike. I feel as if I’m never going to finish it. I think it’s about feeling everything has gone a bit beyond my control and I hate feeling like that.
Geez you are having a crap time of it. When I get wound up, I force myself to take ten minutes from whatever I have to do, and I do the following breathing excercise. I used to be very cynical about stuff like this, but I tried it once and I find it works every time to calm me down. And when I’m calmed down, I can think more clearly and start listening to the rational voice in my head rather than the nervous wreck. Worth a try?
Sit somewhere comfortable with your back supported and relaxed - like on the sofa, with your feet on the floor, legs uncrossed, eyes shut.
Breathe in until you feel your lungs are completely full up - count to five in your head as you do this.
Hold your breath for another 5 seconds.
Breath out slowly, until you feel your lungs are completely empty. Count to five in your head as you do this.
Wait a few seconds before breathing in again.
Repeat this cycle a few times, or as many as you like.
If you can’t manage counting to five, reduce it to 4 or 3.
Gradually you can build up.
This has a calming effect, something to do with the exchange of oxygen and c02 I think.
The counting helps to clear the mind of all the other various thoughts and voices swirling around in there.
We haven’t communicated before but having read your post I have to respond…oh my goodness, you poor thing. It sounds like everything has just piled up on top of everything else and it’s too much. Stop and breathe. Then slowly start to do the things that can be done - maybe email and get an extension on the assignment. Don’t worry about the website for today. What is manageable? Just do that.
As for the one-sided family efforts - you do what you do for your aunt, partly because the cousins are ineffective, but also because we care for our families. It makes my blood boil when things are so one-sided and people are taken for granted. When you’re in a better place maybe you can point out the inbalance (in a diplomatic way, of course!)
Ignore me if I’ve butted in too much, but I know the horrible out of control feeling and I’ve learned to rationalise it a bit…
You poor thing. In order to save your sanity, now is the time to prioritise. That which is most important gets done, and the other stuff just has to wait. If you weigh up the consequences of leaving each item, it will become obvious to you what you can get away with doing at a later date.
At the top of the list of what needs doing should be looking after YOURSELF!
I’ve decided just to reorganise what I was doing over the next few days and I’m just getting on with all the bits like hoovering and tidying up today - I will think about my course assignment tomorrow as I don’t think I could focus on it at the mo. I have also managed to salvage my new cushions, you know what it’s like, manufacturers put “dry clean only” on things to cover themselves, but sometimes things wash OK. The backs are natural linen and the fronts are different deep coloured satins, but thankfully they were colour fast. If not I would have bought new. The worst bit has been drying the duck filled pads as they have taken ages.
Poor old Susie, I’ve just fed and medicated her and she keeps looking at me as if to say “I’m sorry, but I was really desperate”. I seem to be handling all the old waifs and strays at the moment lol. I think she picked up on all the rushing around over the last couple of days and she would also have wondered why we were up at 4am this morning as she’s a very routine kind of puss (those of you with feline company will understand this).
I don’t really have to go out much over the next couple of days and the weather is foul, so I will just get my head down. My OH took me food shopping yesterday. I have also noted he has left a bottle of nice Sauvignon in the fridge, so maybe a glass of that will help later in the evening. I haven’t meditated for a while as I haven’t needed to, but believe me the CDs are coming out again as well. I think I will also be yoga-ing like crazy as well.
Anyway, thanks for listening as I’m rattling around this house on my own. I keep telling myself it could be worse, I could be one of those poor souls who is flooded somewhere with this awful weather.
Good to see you are taking the great advice from the other ladies. My own advice is; if meditation doesn’t work the glass(es) of wine will. Tomorrow is another day and I’m certain that you’ll get an extension on your assignment.
I completed a distance learning diploma earlier this year. (In fact I graduated the day before I was diagnosed.) While I was studying my mum was being treated for lung cancer and the tutors were very understanding about family emergencies. They know life sometimes gets in the way.
As for the relies, you do what your conscience tells you. You’ll get your just reward and so will they. Just make sure you get time for you and if that means doing the minimum so be it.
I do hope either the meditation,wine,yoga or other advice has made you feel a bit better. At least the cushion-washing went ok !
If all else fails, have a cuddle with that dear old Susie-puss ! I find that stroking my cat and listening to him purring is really relaxing in an almost hypnotic way…
I managed to get on a lot better yesterday. Had a re-read of my course unit and I know where I’m going with it, so I’m going to stay in today and get it typed up and emailed off. It was nice this morning, but it’s getting horrible by the minute.
I start a one week food hygiene course tomorrow which I’ll get a certificate for, it’s to do with a project I’m involved in at my voluntary job. It’ll be nice to meet some new people. I’ve also managed to pick up a freelance Project Assistant job for a new website that’s being done for an ad agency (OH is the developer, but no nepotism thankfully - my name was put forward by someone else who’s on the project). It starts first week in December and is my first foray into freelance work as I’ve been pottering along tinkering in the background of our business.
OH is back on Tuesday lunchtime and I get out of my course at 3, so he says he will meet me for coffee He’s looking forward to a nice home cooked dinner as he is at his sister’s and they live on McDonald’s and takeaways as she can’t cook - he is staying overnight with friends of ours in Cambridge tomorrow who are veggies so the food will be healthier!
Just when I thought it was safe the printer has decided it doesn’t want to work. I’ve done all but the last bit of my course assignment and I can’t proof read it. Oh well, looks like I won’t be sending it off until OH gets back. I’ve worked on it 1.30pm and have had enough now, will look at it with a fresh pair of eyes when I get back from my course tomorrow.
He’s looking forward to a nice home cooked dinner as he is at his sister’s and they live on McDonald’s and takeaways as she can’t cook - he is staying overnight with friends of ours in Cambridge tomorrow who are veggies so the food will be healthier!