hi, i just need to know im normal i guess, im usually strong and positive but today i just want to give up. had a WLE last august, chemo and about to start radio on mon, had to organise who was going to take me to hosp on mon, and im just sick of having to do all my own organising and carrying on as normal, my husband doesnt work at the moment, and does hardly anything to help, he sometimes cooks but i tidy up after him, and my 3 boys constantly, they say i have too high standards for them.
If i snap my husband expects an immediate apology and i end up wondering who was sat next to me in the consultations when they explained about mood swings, how the chemo would effect me, and the tamoxifen etc etc, anyway i have just gone beserk cos he has just tried to touch my breast and he really doesnt realise how much i hate it, i snapped and said does he realise just how many “strangers” has had a “feel” in the past year and hes gone of sulking!
Im sorry to whinge, guess i just needed to let it all go,
Anna
Anna, I am so sorry to hear of your family problems. Short of getting away from them all (not practical probably) maybe you need to try and have a family conference to tell them how you feel and what they should or should not be expecting. Failing that maybe the BC nurse could speak to them? Nothing worse than a sulking man but don’t go after him and apologise, the more you do that the more he will expect it. Do your own bit of sulking!
I hope things improve for you. They will physically I know. (For what it’s worth, I found radiotherapy a doddle after the hated chemo.)
Take care,
Sue
Hi Anna
I am going to join you on the whingeing because I am so very pissed off with my family at the moment.
I have come to the conclusion that I could cope with this shit if someone took my family away. I am sick to death also of my husband’s non-caring attitude. I have just started rads and to be honest, I was terrified. I don’t really know why cos it doesnt hurt - think its just one more pain in bum thing to endure. Anyway, husband comes with me and instead of offering any support whatsoever, sits down in the waiting room with his book and starts to read. I started to speak to him and he looked rreally pissed off that I had the cheek to interupt him. I am sick also of cleaning up after my two extremely lazy and thoughtless sons. I get the “you are just too fussy, it doesnt need doing” Yes it does, because the house is minging and its just another thing that gets right on my nerves. I am not particularly house proud, but I draw the line at crusty sock and horrible underpants strewn everywhere, fag ends all over my garden and constantly cleaning away glasses, plates, cups etc etc. One had the cheek to say I was “milking this cancer thing to make us feel sorry for you”. I wonder sometimes who I am struggling to get better for. They obviously would like me around otherwise they would have to pay a servant. If my husband tried to grope my breast, I would give him a kick where it hurts. Although I am getting used to it now, I still hate the fact that I have to keep exposing myself to every tom, dick and harry and letting anyone medical poke about. I put up with that cos I have too.
ps, I meant to add, that now that I have done the rads thing a couple of times, its not a problem. It was just fear of the unknown.
Good luck on Monday
Cathy
xxx
Hi
I thought it was only me that had these problems!!! I had a right screaming do at my hubby and 16 year old daughter. They seem to be oblivious to my emotions at the moment ( I am very up and down!!! I must say). I too start RADs next week and I think you are right fear of the unknown is dreadful.
It just seems as long as tea is ready and social lives are taken care of thats all that matters!!!
Any way just wanted to join in the rant!!!
Feel better now
Kay xx
god your 16 year old girl and my 16 year old boy sound suited to each other!!! maybe we should get them to chat on msn or the latest craze, they could chat for hours about how selfish we mothers are getting BC at this stage in their lives, how thoughtless we are!!!
thanks for that annamarie!!! Thats made me giggle its not just mine then!!! I love her really but she does make me feel mean at times. She really cant understand why she cant have a lift home most fri and sat nights from socialising with friends at 12.00am!!! Hubby works weekends so he not really up for it either but he tougher than me. She is my last one at home 3 boys have flown the nest. Dont know what I would have done if I had to arrange their social calendar as well!!!
Hi everyone
I thought you might find useful, the breast cancer care booklet ‘in it toether’ It is aimed at the partners of those who have been diagnosed with breast cancer. If you would like to have a look on line before you decide if it might help just use the following link.
breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/inittogether_web_0.pdf
I hope you find it helpful.
Kind regards
Sam
Bcc Facilitator
My own 16.year old boy has had an irritating cough almost since I had surgery 6 weeks ago - a doc said it was influenza and it would go away, & then I got it and it went away and he kept on coughing. A couple of days ago I got really fed up and took him into the hosp for x-rays etc & he has bronchitis and something else, name eludes me. I reckon it’s his way of coping. He’s been a comfort in between being a normal teenager. It can’t be easy having to deal with tough mum suddenly becoming a sick ‘loser’. I’m sure they do the best they can.
Give up on the house if keeping it up to previous standards is creating tension. So there are weird black marks on the kitchen floor from juice sploshes unwiped; the lavatories are developing interesting maps; there are dust balls under the dining table and evidence of everyone’s hobbies everywhere (be thankful that probably none of your sons play ice hockey - let me tell you, the contents of the sports bag smell like death). It’s harder on our ‘roomies’ than we can guess.
My grief is that my very decent husband may never want to touch my scarred body again. He’s doing his best in the sympathy/shopping/cheer department - I’m impressed because his mum died of this - but I’ve turned into a fragile antique doll or a potentially explosive bucket of pus in terms of sexual attraction - the biggest downside of this whole experience. Poor both of us. I’d be grateful if he touched a breast - or anything else, for that matter.
Y’gotta laugh.
Hi emelle
My two boys 16 & 19, both play roller hockey, I so understand the smell, if they don’t clear the kitchen floor (a regular occurrence) then they find it in the garden lol.
Seriously though just leave em to it, go watch tv on your own, because men don’t bother. Mine says nothing just tidies up, cos I ain’t gonna do what I don’t want anymore.
It has taken since 2001 to come to this conclusion, and I just don’t care, its my life too
Ann
Hi Ann - I’m right with you. The worst thing about all this - and I’ve given it a lot of thought - is that ‘the inevitable’ may be closer than anticipated. That’s all. Quite simple. Discomfort and shiny skull don’t much rate in terms of the kind of horror that humans have put each other through for millennia. So I’m going to enjoy myself, meanwhile, and hopefully leave memories of a humorous mum/OH if it comes down to that - tho’ of course I hope “that” is going to be much later than sooner.
I’m more than the sum of my body parts - or so I like to believe. And that ‘more’ is all I anticipate in terms of afterlife - family memories, funny stories, ways of thought & doing things - I don’t, unfortunately, have any kind of conventional faith in heavens and such. I’d like that ‘afterlife’ to be of someone unconditionally loving. And mostly cheery. I don’t mind practising for a very long time.
So I’m having the kind of silly fun that goes with relinquishing responsibility. If boys want clean clothes, boys must put clothes through washing machine. If boys think kitchen is a dump, boys must do dishwasher and clean stove top. Mama does the stuff mama fancies. Tonight I’m making a chicken-mushroom pie with fresh spinach & almond salad. Mama likes that, but will ignore the mess it leaves.
Have a lovely spring weekend, all. M-L
It’s not just “my life too”. It’s all the life I’ll have.
Wouldn’t it be great to have somewhere women could go to be nurtured whilst enduring all this treatment? And get away from insensitive husbands and kids. God I’m glad I never had any (kids that is!)
Best to all.
Sue
I,m reading this and my Kids 11 and 7 are fighting upstairs over the Nintendo, Hurrah for school in 8 days.
Love Andrea xx
Hey Emelle,
You and your Husband need a night in a hotel, nice meal a couple of bottles of wine.
Forget the housework and Kids and Bc for a while. Might just do the trick
Love Andrea xx