A little anxious

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Ok - I know its probably nothing to worry about … but last monday I found a lump … its woody/bumpy in texture, uneven, doesnt move … I also noticed that my blood vessels to my left breast are larger and more noticable … I’m 44 and have been on HRT since a hysterectomy(TAH/BSO) 19 years ago, divorced (although I have a boyfriend but he lives up north … and I live down south, my weekends are normally spent travelling up and down the M1) …

 

I visited the Drs the next day and as soon as they felt it she said that needs to be biopsied … she didnt even complete the examination after feeling the lump - so that put me on edge straight away … I was told it was about 2cms … I can’t believe I have never felt this before and I keep on thinking did I and just not think about it - I never have done thorough breast examinations - an occasional grop in the shower, but thats about it …

 

My family history isn’t brill … my Dads sister had an agressive breast tumor and died 3 years after diagnosis mid 50s … my Dads mum died of ovarian Ca late 50s … my Mums mum died of breast ca a few years ago - there are no other females in our family apart from my mum & sister and they are fine …

 

I have my appointment on the 14th at the breast clinic - but after moving away from my home town 7 months ago, due to my job but I feel like my whole life has been put temporarily on hold. I can’t plan anything … I told my family as I needed support - initially they wrote me off BUT I keep on telling them I need a diagnosis first and they are now agreeing - BUT waiting for that diagnosis and assessment is literally taking up all of my headspace … I can’t focus on anything at all !!

 

I’m also a clinical research scientist working in Oncology so my knowledge is probably not doing me any good either … my very close friend who is a Doctor examined me … because I wanted reassurance that it was probably nothing - just a cyst … her face said it all - for that I am eternally thankful - we discussed all the options but she did say it was a tumor and what ever the outcome it needs to be taken out … 

 

I’ve come on here feeling a fraud … as I don’t have a diagnosis and it probably is nothing to worry about but I am scared of having my worst fears confirmed …

 

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Hi Chez,

I know just how anxious and worried you are feeling, I’m recently diagnosed in the past couple of months and my head is still all over the place, it’s worse when you don’t know and things do feel a little calmer once you get a definite diagnosis but each day I never really know how I’m going to feel and you really do feel in limbo, I will be getting my final results and treatment plan this Thursday as I had a lumoectomy 10 days ago, surreal is the only way I can describe it all and it seems like a never ending waitiing game, you do move through each day though and somehow get on with things, will ne thinking of you and you will find plenty of support from all the lovely ladies on here, love jo xx

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Hi Chez, absolutely no point telling you not to worry, but from the ages and generations of your relatives, I take it they all had their cancers quite some time ago. You will know better than any of us how much treatment has improved over the years so if that does turn out to be what’s ahead of you, the outlook might be very positive.
Definitely do not feel a fraud - we,ve all been there and no-one is going to understand better what you are going through than the ladies on here.
I’ve said many times that I wish I’d had a crystal ball back in November when I was first diagnosed so I could have known just how manageable each stage of treatment was actually going to be.
Hugs,
Kitt
Xx