i was diagnosed wih breast cancer last yr , had chemo, radiotherapy which i finished march this yr and single masectomy and node clearence. now on zolodex which i have been taking since november last year, and tamoxifen.
I thought i was fine and being strong going back to the gym ,back to work and moving on but lately im struggling a bit. I gained 3 stone when i started chemo and no matter what i do i cant shift it, my hair is growing back but is so curly , when i look in the mirror its not me i see anymore and im becoming quite sad. im also finding the hot flushes unbearable , i havnt had a decent night sleep since i started chemo last year as wake up atleast 3 times a night soaking!.
everytime i go out with the girls and get a little tipsy i feel guilty , ive started to smoke again which makes me feel even more guilty i just feel so angry with myself i know i shouldnt do it and its bloody stupid i had cancer for gawd sake and im smoking . ive even thought about stopping my medication as i just had enough i wanna pretend that it didnt happen!
Hi nikkic,
haven’t had chemo but had steroid injections for something else and gained 1 and 1/2 stone no matter what I did the weight just would not shift, just before my diagnosis the weight began to drop off and I lost exactly the 1 and 1/2 stone I had put on. I think it just takes time but it will eventually disappear, (I wasn’t dieting) I was very worried when it said you can put on weight with tamoxifen cause I didn’t want it all to start again!! The weight will come off. Hope this helps a bit, someone will be along with more help soon. Take care of yourself x x
I haven’t even started treatment yet (2 weeks post surgery) so what do I know?! - but I just wanted to say - poor you, sounds like you are feeling really bad about yourself and I really feel for you.
You’ve been through a really life changing, traumatic experience. I imagine that what you are experiencing isn’t uncommon for women post treatment when you are left picking up the pieces of your life with so much loss and change to adapt to- so don’t apologise for being on a downer - its allowed!
I stopped smoking the day after I was diagnosed and when I got the results of my surgery yesterday, suddenly felt so desperate for a cigarette, which felt a bit crazy! I told my friends (both non smokers) and they looked appalled. Just thinking about it makes me want one!! Of course, I have immediaetly put on weight since giving up the fags and already feel anxious about more weight gain during treament. All this stuff with our bodies which is so out of our control!
I have been referred for some sessions with a psychologist by my BCN to help me wrap my head around the diagnosis. Perhaps there is a similar service for women at the other end of the process - is this something you would consider? It might help to have some space for you to talk through how bad you are feeling which might help in coming to terms with all the terrible stuff you’ve had to cope with in the past year. I have found counselling/therapy really helpful previously - very supportive - it might just help.
Anyhow, wanted to reach out and say hi, hope it feels better sometime soon and try be gentle on yourself.
Hi Nikki,
you have really been through a lot over these past months, so it is small wonder you are physcially and emotionally drained. I read somewhere on this website that the average wieght gain during breast cancer treatement is something like 2 - 2.5 stones, so I am sure you are far from alone in putting some on. It will come off again, just may take quite a while.
Your doctor or BCN ought to be able to help with the hot sluhses and nightsweats, so you could ask them.
Try to be gentle with yourself, and not expect too much too soon.
im so glad that i havny been judged and no gasps of omg your smoking as a lot of people do.
The weight gain is the hrdest thing to come to terms with as before i got diagnosed i was at the gym 4 to 5 times a week was a size 8 and now a 14 to 16 grrr. im back at the gym but i jus dosnt wanna seem to shift and i feel im fighting a losing battle with my meds ect.
i feel bit pathetic as at least im here and should be gratefull for that , but im a young women and it does hurt rightly or wrongly.
im going to see my nurse tues for my zoldex injection so will ask for some advice on the whole sweats thing!
i havnt had any follow since march is that normal ?
i do think i need a bit of counselling jacquid but don’t know where to go
i hope all goes well with your treatment jacquid if you dont mind me asking what was you diagnosis?
I am sorry to read that you are having a difficult time right now, our helpliners are here to offer you further support and information so please feel free to call on 0808 800 6000, the lines are open 9-2 today and 9-5 weekdays. Our team will be able to talk to you about other BCC services which you may be interested in, you can read more here:
Hi Nikki
Loads of hugs coming your way, Just a thought on the smoking side have you tried the electronic cigs you actually take in and blow out like a normal ciggie only its vapour not smoke and it has a bit of nicotine in it but no harmful chemicals. I was a heavy smoker and gave up the begining of July, went on patches and done well until I was due to start chemo and was so scared I really wanted a ciggie, my daughter let me try hers and I found it really good you can get them online pm me if you want the address, its worth a try and you can smoke these in a public building lol!!!
Hi Nikki
what ever you do, dont stop taking your tablets. Is there someone at your Oncology centre who you could talk to and off load and have a good weep at the same time? At my centre the BC nurses run a clinic, and you can go and see them about anything at all.
I too put on weight and tried on and off to lose it, but didnt and kept blaming the pills I’m on. Back in June I was at a very low point and joined Weight Watchers Online. Its been slow, about a lb a week, but I’ve lost a stone and feel so much better.
My hair grew back like an afro perm and grey, I hated it, so since then have kept my hair really short and I’ve been amazed at how many people have complimented me on the style and say it really suits me. I still feel bereft about losing my hair a year on, but its not coming back as it was, so have to get on with life with my new hair (saves me a fortune in colour, highlights etc).
Dont cut yourself up about the fags and booze, if they help you get through this bad time, so be it. I’ve never smoked, but do like a drink, and am not giving it up for anything. Some days the thought of a couple of glasses of wine is what keeps me going.
I wish you well and hope you get through this bad time soon. xxxx
My BCN arranged for me to see a counsellor/psychologist who was part of the oncology team - perhaps you could see if such a service is availabe at your hospital - if not maybe Breast Cancer Care or Macmillan might be able to help?
Hope its helped a bit, letting people know how bad you have been feeling without being judged.
I was able to get counselling with a psychologist via my oncologist. I went for 6 sessions and found it really helped me to review the way I was looking at things; also how to deal with things from the past that were dredged up during my treatment on account of the way I was feeling. It was great just to sit there and talk to somebody who didn’t know me from Adam at the first session and after the third I was sleeping a lot better.
I can also empathise with the weight thing - I’ve been dieting and going to the gym for a year now and nothing is happening, even gained weight on WW ProPoints and gave up on it after week 10 as I was getting nowhere on it. 6 weeks ago I added some gym classes to my usual routine, still nothing.I’m not on any medication so I have an appointment to ask my doc if I can get a thyroid test done - I have a lot on niggly things going on that I’ve been putting down to being post meno and have now found out that it could be thryroid. Getting a test done was suggested by another lady on here,there is always somebody on BCC who can help.
