A whirlwind of shock, sadness, anxiety and anger

Having pulled a chest muscle at the gym, my gp and physio diagnosed a pec tear. I needed an ultrasound, and the location meant that I needed to attend the breast clinic. 90 minutes later following a mammogram and biopsies, I was told I had breast cancer. And needed to return in a week for the grade. I don’t remember driving home. I was on my own. No one questioned that it would be anything other than a muscle tear.

Last 7 days have been horrendous, thinking the worse, crying, not sleeping, trying to be strong for my young children. On Monday I was told that I had two types back to back lobular and ductual invasive grade 2 size 4.5 cm. Two days later I am in with oncologist giving chemo plan, tonnes of leaflets, wig info etc etc etc…and start on 13th. I feel like I am going to explode.  It’s all so fast, I feel like I can’t cope. If another person texts me to ask if I’m ok I am going to explode. Am I awful, does it get better? I feel like screaming, crying and punching a wall all at once.



What a horrendous shock for you, no wonder you’re feeling this way. I don’t want to give any platitudes, I don’t find they help me, but crying and screaming into a pillow meant I could scream without alarming my family. The shock is horrendous and I’m still not really over it after three/four months but once treatment begins you at least feel something is being done. I hope this helps a little. You’re not alone, this forum is great…


Sending you love,



Oh fluffymittens I really feel for you. The whirlwind of the beginning of this journey was almost too much for me to bear too. My mother openly tells me now I was awful and a nightmare!! But I tell her that it was allowed and only to be expected. You can have your life turned upside down like that and carry on as normal. It will take a good while for you to process all the information they have given you, but once you get on the road of active treatment you probably will feel better just knowing you are heading the right way. How old are your children? I have 4 ranging from 3 months to 5. It’s the hardest part, worrying about them and trying to carry on as normal as possible for them. Do whatever you need to get through this stage, and once the initial shock settles it will get better xx

That should have said you can’t have your life turned upside down and carry on as normal. Sorry, my phone deciding what it thought I meant and getting it wrong as usual!!x

Oh fluffy mittens, I feel for you I really do that is a double whammy! I think everyone who had been diagnosed in whatever circumstances  will relate to how you are feeling now.  Even though you probably cant comprehend it at the momemt it does get better/more managable. I have just completed 5 out of 6 chemo  (it was supposed to be a small area and simple op/ radio only). Although it seems quick to start I personally found this better as it gave me a purpose , routine and the fear of starting treatment was worse than the reality. It wouldn’t be high on my wish list  of things to do but it has been doable, I don’t know how old your children are mine are 10 but there are many on the forum with younger  children who can offer advice/support. Do ask/vent /cyber scream thars what the forum is for and it’s a very supportive place.   Good luck xxx

Hi FluffyMitten26,

Oh my - you have been on a very fast rollercoaster and it does not seem to be stopping that quickly.

I can so understand your anger, frustration and fear.

It is a most horrible place to be in - and it often seems that no one around you can really understand, help and support you in the way you need right now.

This forum is a great place to vent your feelings - venting them will help - but it does take time to get to terms spmething like this. It will get better, but it may take time. Firstly coming to terms with the diagnosis, which may make one feel so powerless and helpful - everything you knew, were used to. had planned - all up in a puff of smoke and no way of stopping it. Whe your treatment plan is in place you may start to regain control and you may feel more positive again that the future you had looked forward to - is still there - just slightly delayed.

There are a number of forums which could be of help to you - your may just wish to explore them at the moment - just to help you a little with comprehending, what your journey may be and how others are dealing with this.

Here are a number of these links -



and this is the monthly starters thread for July chemo, where you find many who also have young families - forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Chemotherapy-monthly-threads/July-2016-starters/m-p/1029247#U1029247

You may also find it helpful to call the helpline on this forum, they are so helpful, understanding and may be able to asmwer many questions you have - 0808 800 6000

I hope this helps you a little bit - let us know how you feel - we shall be watching out for you, so we can support you as much as possible at this challenging time.

Huge Hug

Sue xxx 


Dear fluffymittens

your feelings are yours to own and express however suits you. No wonder you’re feeling so enraged and shocked when all this came without warning. But it sounds like you’re fit which won’t be unhelpful. Get all the support you need from wherever you need to take it. People are here to support you. I was diagnosed Friday. Why does it always seem to come like a whirlwind to so many of us? Who knows but there will be forums here specially geared to supporting you through this particular diagnosis and the helpline for questions.


take care. Lots of people to give virtual hugs, be there for rants, screams and anger. And for whatever other emotions you have.

Hi FluffyMittens26

How are you?

Has your chemo date for the 13th been confirmed yet?

Is there anything we are able to help you with to prepare at this stage or answer any questions, based on our experiences, which may support you?

Sorry for the many questions - you may absolutely not feel able to communicate at the moment.

Just to let you know we are here to support you and help, as much as we posibly can.     




Huge Hug

Sue xxx






just wanted to echo what everyone else has been saying - although it wasn’t quite the same circumstances (quick call back after first mammogram, no previous symptoms in my case) I do know that those first few days / weeks feel surreal and at times overwhelming and like nothing will ever be ‘normal’ again. But, as others have said, it does settle, life does start to resume a little normality alongside the round of tests and appointments, and a treatment plan does make things seem more managable. Hang on in there, have a cry or a shout or whatever if you need to, and try to bear with the well-meaning if annoying comments from friends - people just don’t know what to say at first but I’ve found that gets better as well. xx

Hi everyone.  Thankyou for all your messages.  To be honest, I turned off my internet on my phone, as when the anxiety was bad, google led me to some dark places which I wish I had not read. It has been a very fast process, the anxiety is still there but more about my family and being there for my children.  I have a lot of support thankfully.  I cannot fault the NHS within 16 days of diagnosis I had my first Chemo (two days ago).  All going ok so far, apart from a sore throat and a fuzzy head (and night sweats), although I keep thinking maybe tomorrow will be the bad day to expect because it sounds like everyone will have them.  So I am being realistic that it might get worse.  The only thing that appears to be horrible is the white blood cell jabs I have to self administer.  The bone pains are bad but they are gone the next morning.  I suppose being in my 30’s and not having surgery yet, holds me in good stead for dealing with this part of the process.  I must admit you are all a lovely bunch of ladies on this forum, keep up the good work, I will certainly return and check up on everything.  Apologies if the above is all jumbled.  Its the fuzzy head!  Hugs to all xxx