So, 14 years on from diagnosis, surgery, chemo, rads, herceptin, tamoxifen and anastrozole and getting on with life and having weathered the earlier wobbly moments, I have been floored by the news about Olivia Newton- John. I know there is another strand on the sight about the media but that is not it for me. I have never bought the “all clear at five years” message and have lived with the knowledge that it can, albeit unlikely, resurface but knowledge in the abstract is one thing, seeing it in a real person is another. I’m wide awake and it’s the wee small hours. I guess I wasn’t expecting to be ambushed by this and I’m not sure why it has hit so hard. I’m so far on from diagnosis and treatment everybody around me has pretty much forgotten I went through it and so this is a safe space to gulp with words. I know from experience this to will settle and I will have learnt something new about me. Thanks for the space to go aaarrrhg!
Hi Ali-been
It’s strange isn’t it? People, mainly women, are dying all year round from breast cancer. People like me, given a Stage 4 triple negative diagnosis, just live on treatment and know that what lies ahead is unpredictable (hang the stats). People like you are happily going ahead with life, with a tiny seed of knowledge that you’ve been there and there are no guarantees. Then a celebrity dies and wham! All that security seems to vanish for so many people. We focus on her death, not the amazing fact that she lived with breast cancer for decades. If the media thought about it, they might have reported her death in a very different way. But no, the old tropes linger.
You are right - you have that tiny seed of knowledge that we are not immortal, that it could get us in the end - but it probably won’t for most people. And one celebrity death doesn’t make a jot of difference, if we are honest. I truly hope you can quickly revert to how it was for you. Personally, I felt a bit sad as I would for any cancer-related death, but I didn’t identify with it, even though we had similar diagnoses in the end. Am I callous? I think I’m pragmatic. Just like I’m not living in terror of what must lie ahead, I can’t think about it. I’m just getting on with my own life because I know her death, Tom Parker’s death, Sarah Harding’s death - none of them actually affects the cells in my body, only my consciousness where I can let it mess with my head or not.
I hope I don’t sound callous or harsh for not sharing your reaction but really, you made me think. Were it not for Grease, she might just, maybe, be another statistic - but what an amazing statistic - we can live that long with a condition most people still regard as a death sentence! Please keep living a happy life. Let that seed of knowledge lie dormant and don’t worry about what happens to others, even those who touched our lives at some stage. Be ready for other big blows. ONJ isn’t the only one. I’m dreading the day when Françoise Hardy dies - she too has lived with it for decades and my husband is an avid fan (there was once a slight physical resemblance between her and me). For me, it will just be another moment of sadness. For my husband, it will be confirmation that he’s going to lose me. That breaks my heart.
I wish you a long and healthy life, like my mum, who had bc twice but died of old age. Breast cancer treatment turns your life upside down but, once you’ve found your feet again, it doesn’t have to haunt you.
Very best wishes.
Jan x