Really interested to hear if anyone else felt like they hit a brick wall a year on?
Diagnosed last October and had lump removed, chemo, radiotherapy and still having herceptin. All went well and have had few “wobbles” but as I hit the anniversary I feel terrible, worrying about every ache and pain. I know this will happen from time to time but could do with knowing that this is quite normal and that I can stop beating myself up about it!!
Emma xx
Hello there,
Im only 6mths on from mine, but i have read about your feelings and heard about the fear and aphrehension afterwards. One of the NHS breast care leaflets talks about it. Odd really as you would think all over; thank god for that, and just about be the happiest person on the planet but by all accounts its not true.There will be more people on here that will know what you mean chin up
McGill
Hi, I am 18 months on from diagnosis and have really found it tough going. I went back to work last November and now realise that it was not such as good idea. I have now come to a point where the job haas got me so stressed and tired that I am off sick with depresssion. I think the fear of recurrence is always there and when i am stressed or tired that fear is worse. I think this fear is totally natural when you have been through bc and I am hoping I can learn to live with it as time progresses without it dominating my life as it is at the moment.
rachy xx
Hello Emma
I was dx last oct ( 10th) and had my surgery on the 27th Oct. Had surgery, chemo, rads and pushed for a reduction on the non cancer breast in Aug. This is a very strange time, I lost the old me ( who i loved and was enjoying life) somewhere before last christmas not sure where. There are days when i don’t cope, but everyone around thinks you should be ‘better’ maybe the fat blob with short hair and a body that feels like it doesn’t belong to her is getting better, but the Old me isn’t even around anymore. Yes i have lots of things to look forward to , but the damn c is sitting in the corner, and no matter ho many times i kick it hard with my big boots on it slithers back just letting me know it might not go away forever.
oopss went on a bit then… :0
rhian xx
Thankyou to all you ladies for being so honest, I thought I was alone with this situation. I was diagnosed last August, coped apparently quite well and went back to work full time in April. Two weeks ago I had a complete crisis at work and could no longer cope. I am having counselling, my G.P has signed me off for 8 weeks and given me anti-depressants. Apart from anything else I don’t understand why I feel like this- I have lost confidence and self belief. I have done my job for 27 years without any previous problems. I do wonder if the pain in my joints and not sleeping have contributed. My mammogram is also due but I have little faith in that either as none of my tumours showed up on the previous ones. My husband seems to think I will just be able to get over this and go back to work when I’ve calmed down. I am mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted which seems crazy as I so want to put it all behind me.
Hopefully the happy pills will work some magic! Good luck to those of you who feel the same way- let’s hope it is just a phase.
love Goldwing Girl
HI i am 5 years on and feeling OK at present but i find this time of year very difficult as this is when my orginal breast cancer was found. This would have been my 5 year clear point if i had not had secondary so it is a sweet biitter momnet in time. On one hand i am really glad i am here but on the other i am wondering for how much longer. I think everyone feels different. The issue with work was very interesting because i am having the same problem…Still going but reduced my hours.I think lack of sleep really is a real issue for loads of people. I must admit to start with it nearly drove me mad. The max i sleep on a good night is 4 hours but general i wake up ever 2 hours throughout the night. I think my body has now got use to it. It would be interesting to know how many other people this effects???
Hi Emma,
I was diagnosed a year ago today, 6pm to be precise.
Funny but took myself shopping yesterday and found myself sobbing in the car ten mins from home.
I was very surprised as I didn’t think it would affect me so but it has and I’ve been very tearful all day although I don’t think everyone else remembers it the ‘anniversay’ or how sad I feel.
Hopefully another year will make the difference to us all
x
hi gingery, just think how far you have come in the last year, well done and if I was you I would have a wee glass of wine tonight
take care
love n hugs
Carol xoxoxo
Hi Ladies,
Thought I would also join in. I was diagnosed on 17th September 08, had 3 ops, chemo, rads now on Herceptin and Tamoxifen. It was interesting to read this thread because throughout I have been upbeat and jolly but a couple of weeks ago I felt tears welling up while in M&S and had to go into the changing rooms to recover! So glad I’m not alone then, we all put on a brave face but sometimes you just need to let it all out.
We have all come a long way - and hopefully will be going a lot further.
I agree with Carol a celebratory wee glass of wine is in order.
Love to you all
Sue xx
Hi Ladies
Am now two years on. Yes the first anniversary was tough and the readjustment to the new me has been quite a long journey. At 15 months when I was wondering whether this was normal a friend who works with cancer charities said be kind to yourself and patient your body may need a couple of years to fully recover. You also need to regain confidence that your body won’t let you down again
As encouragement I can say, recognise what you’ve been through, find someone to talk to who understands ( I have two friends who have shared my woes), accept any help (complementary therapies, treats, adjustments at work) and take heart.This anniversary I went back to the area I walked in whilst coming to terms with the diagnosis. The weather was the same (a brilliant autumn day) and I was really able to enjoy it.
If you look through the site you will find this a common theme and there is work on how to support survivors.
Take care all of you.
Crispy
Hi Ladies,
I too am a year on from diagnosis and had first annual mammogram yesterday. I got home and cried the rest of the day. I had bi lateral surgery last October,went in with one lump and came out with two, the second one not picked up on mammogram so I too don’t have a lot of faith in them.
I am triple negative so feel have no ‘safety’ banket and I have found once chemo and rads finished, hair returned,almost everyone thinks you are better. The stress of waiting for results is awful, I am waiting for genetic results too.
I do think there is very little support once treatment has finished and this website is a godsend being able to communicate with people and knowing you are not the only one feeling as you do.
Hugs to all
Brenda x
Hi all i will be coming up to a year next month.Rhian i could have written that myself you so told it exactly how i feel. Yes i think everyone assumes Im just fat and lazy. In fact a work mate[i use the term mate very loosley]asked was i fat due to my treatment or just because i have sat in my a##se for the past nine months. They all seem to have forgotten the old me the one I like yourself have lost.Like Brenda I am also triple negative and havn’t got a security blanket and I am terrified. Sleep ha! I also am awake most of the night wondering, worrying, planning or just panicing.Sorry to be so negative but I am. I like most of us hide it and my family and friends think I am coping really well. Again sorry for the miserable post but I just needed a moan. take care kittyx
I am 3 years on and find the first 2 weeks in October difficult as I was diagnosed on Oct 5th 2006 and the previous October my dad died on the 16th after a struggle with dementia. It was a real release when dad died as he didn’t know anyone any more and he was very old (88). I really thought that was it, no more worries about parents and I could get on with my life again as we had moved back to Scotland from London in 2004 to start afresh; I had been in London for 20 years, so this was a big one way ticket for us. Then I got hit with this of course and I remember at the time thinking how cruel life was. However, I also felt I would get through this and eventually come out at the other side, although it was harder than I imagined.
Dad’s anniversary is Friday, once I get that out of the way I will feel a lot better. I am just waiting for my mammo and clinic appointments to come at any time now, so that will be the next thing. I just try to take each day as it comes and I try to keep busy with work and other things which helps me to stay focused and positive. I do sometimes wake up in the night with scary thoughts, but I have taught myself to bat them away and can usually get back to sleep ok.
Kitty , don’t apologise, thats what this place is for some where to turn to when all around you don’t seem to be singing from the same hymn sheet so to speak, I admire you going back to work I have decided to not return for at least another 6 months, i just can’t face it.
Brenda I read an article posted on a web site where an Onc says patients have to accept that once they are post treatment , they have to get on with their lives as all that is medically possible has been done to fight the cancer and they need to find a new normal…NEW NORMAL what is that suppose to be,
Everyone else its sooo good to hear everyones experience it is so important not to feel alone and not coping. I too felt i was coping and being Pos… ( i can’t use that word i hate it i have decided it needs to be replaced with something ridiculous because its such a ridiculous word ,so now i use Fandabidosey in irony because that is far from how i feel when people say the P word to me )
Thanks for starting this thread 
rhian xx
Thanks for your comments Rhian. I have not gone back to work.I am expected to attend meetings with my manager every month or so to assess my 'situation’so see my collegues then.May go back in a few weeks though see how/where my head is.My year is up at beginning of november not looking forward to mammogram as my breast is still painfull after lumpectomy. Radiotherapy aslo caused me problems and have limited movement of shoulder and arm. On the bright side I’ve booked a long weekend in Barcelona with a good friend prior to appointment.I plan to be the ‘old Kitty’ in Barcelona a few drinks and a bloody good laugh. take care all kittyx
Thanks ladies, in a weird way all this helps!! At least I don’t feel like I’m completely off my rocker now!!!
Rhian, know exactly where you’re coming from about the hair and body. Even though all my friends love the short hair…I still hate it and think I look like a bloke…luckily my wonderful boyfriend doesn’t think that!!!
Gingery & Sue496 you guys probably been similar to me…blithely going along quite happily and then boom!!! I think that’s what has caught me so off guard is that I haven’t really been on a downer for some time now so it definately caught me out!!
Thanks for all your comments ladies, it’s good to have the support
Emma xxx
Kitty,I have just read your post and I know exactly what you mean.My first anniversary of dx is 24th December.I had surgery,lymph node biopsies,started Tamoxifen and had radiotherapy all by the end of March 2009.All in all,I had 11 weeks off work.I have put on over a stone in weight,feel tired all the time and live with the uncertainty of this thing reoccuring.Everyone has forgotten the dx and treatment and just think I,m over IT.Sorry for going on,but this is my first public rant. Love to all, Ann
Ann Rant away this place is great for that xxx
Hi all on this thread. I was dx one year ago on Friday and am awaiting my first of 5 annual mammograms. Want to say that these comments are all the stuff I’m feeling. I was DX 3 months after I moved in with my partner. Felt it was a cruel blow to a new relationship. It has been very difficult what with coming to terms with the cancer and trying to maintain a new relationship. My sex life is non existent as I have no desire at all to be physical.I’m also going through the menopause too so that adds into the difficulties. I’m 54 and feel I just can’t be bothered to make any effort with my partner, I feel I need all my energy for myself, to cope with all the stuff that breast cancer throws at us.
I am hoping it will get better as time goes by, but I hate it when friends and family don’t talk about the cancer and presume I just get on back into life as if nothing has happened.
I’m sick of it all and am thinking of leaving my partner because of the stress of it all.
Rant over!!!
Leadie
Leadie , i know how you feel re new relationship, i had only known my partner for 6 month pre my dx, and he has been great but its so much for a new relationship to cope with, i have no sex drive and would rather a cuppa with my woolly socks on, the menopausal symptoms are much more extensive than i had ever imagined,( is this because we a thrust into it because of treatment) and i find sex so painful even with all the lotions and potions, and thats not even including all the BC stuff. I feel like a stroppy kid at times i just want to be on my own, or have a cuddle that doesn’t lead to anything apart from another cuddle. I then feel bl**dy guilty because i should be grateful he still wants to have sex oh lordy i could scream
Rhian xx