After cancer

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Saw oncolgist friday he probed and proded said all well and i was healing well, so thats a reassurance. so feel more relaxed till i suppose Feb when the mammogram comes around.

 

Was reflecting this weekend how long ago it all seems and has it changed me. People say it does im nmot sure it has me, i just thought it might other people, friends etc,  ive got friends and 4 in particular helped me through it all, but now we seemed to have reverted to how things, were, i see them but not enough,ok they all have more in their lives than me, but i guess when i was going through my cancer operation and treatment we seemed closer but no its  as it was,.  I see no more of them than i did before it happened and foolishly perhaps i thought i would see them more,they seemed concerned if they were going to lose me, now i seem ok its business as usual, i dont see more of them.  When i mentioned it other week to one she said well you are ok now, you dont want to keep going on about it.  Well no i agree but i thought if i was that important to them they might want to see me more, or am i expecting too much… Perhaps when you dont have a partner, kids or ,much family you do expect more from friends. All i get from people is constant hounding to do voluntary work as that will “help me meet people and make me feel better” no it wont. Another old friend one who lives away sadly, cause we close, we had a get together this week for her 50th with a few old friends from my old office before it closed and i moved to the other branch in the city ,hadnt seen some for ages.said to me i can see why they tell you re voluntary work but i cant see its for you June.i cant see you doing it. i know you! Do others who have had cancer find people not what they expect, especially once they have finished treatment, or are my friends not what they should be,  I have had a few half hearted attempts at finding new friends but quite honestly i hate large friendship groups, and trying to make friends with people when older and whom you have no shared history with is hard.  Interested to hear others views,  June

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Hi June, I hear you and understand exactly what you are saying. Everyone thinks all is well once the treatment is over and lets hope it is. But I think it’s more the fact that they too have gone through the stress of their dear friend having it and need some closure because it will have taken it out of them emotionally. I couldn’t believe how many said, oh brilliant you’re better now. Of course I understand why they say it but they don’t realise the mental side of it and the fear we will live with from now on. I do believe there is no malice in any of it so don’t question your friendships… they have been there for you when they thought you needed them to be. they need normality as much as you do after this awful journey. People here to talk to so try go back to having fun with your friends. sending love Lorna x