Hello everyone,I am looking for some reassurance and words of comfort.
I am spiralling.
Diagnosed almost a year ago, had mascetomy and on letrozole, Zoladex and Ribociclib for about 6 months.
I went to a wedding yesterday- it was amazing and I felt lovely in a new outfit and heels and I even wore an underwired bra for the first time since my op.
Issue is I got drunk. They handed out champagne all day and then there was wine with the meal. I had a brilliant day and didn’t think about cancer at all. I chatted and laughed and drank a lot.
There was no evening do so was tucked up in bed by 9pm and was off work today so had a lovely sleep and loads of water before I went to bed.
Am not at all hungover today and am on my seven day break from the ribo but I feel absolutely guilt ridden. I cannot believe I did that to my body. I haven’t drunk alcohol for a year, I have only eaten non processed home cooked food and I have been very careful with sugar etc.
I keep thinking about my oncoclogist and all the other medical people who look after me and feel I have let them down.
I am also petrified that this could mean I am more likely to have a recurrence.
Has anyone else been here and done this? Sorry for the rambling on, I just don’t know who I can turn to.
Oh my, do not feel guilty. You have to live your life. Everything in moderation, you will be fine. I am 21 years down the road and haven’t cut out alcohol. I don’t drink lots, occasionally been caught out like you and have lived to tell the tale. Really please don’t worry.
Really don’t worry- I mean how much did you drink?? Even if you drunk 12 glasses i.e 2 bottles of champagne that’s the equivalent of 1 glass per month in a year. It’s NOTHING in the grand scheme of things. And it won’t make your cancer recurr.
You have been doing so well with your food and drink for such a long time this has literally zero impact on anything. Actually if you felt great and amazing that day psychologically this probably has a more positive effect.
Don’t drop your positive habits (which I’m sure you will not), and be happy about the day you’ve had!
I agree with the other people who have replied to you - don’t worry and don’t beat yourself up.
During and after my chemotherapy and radiotherapy, I gave up drinking for about eight months.
Before that, I used to drink regularly - the usual Friday after work and drinks on a Saturday. Now I go weeks without having a drink. I might have one or two occasionally and, every now and again, I’ll have a right old binge. Those occasions are usually big nights out with the girls or big celebrations, and I certainly don’t chastise myself afterwards.
I’ve been through enough without worrying about what a few drinks might or might not do to me. The only time I get cross as far as alcohol is concerned is if I discover that there is vodka in a cocktail without it being listed on the menu. I’m allergic to vodka, and that’s when I really do regret having a drink - because it kills my tummy for the next two days! And there resteth the case of a Baby Guinness the other weekend… turns out they used coffee-flavoured vodka not Kahlua or Tia Maria, which explains why it was as cheap as chips!
Oh hettie26, please don’t beat yourself up. We go through so much after a diagnosis, we really don’t need guilt too. I’ve certainly worried about things I’ve done after treatment and whether it will increase chance of recurrence, as I’m sure many/all of us have. I’ve now come to the conclusion that there are too many factors involved for us to have too much control over that. I have known people who don’t drink at all who have had cancer/recurrence and many, including myself, who have the occasional blow-out but don’t get cancer or are survivors for many years without recurrence. There’s really no logic to it. Maybe your guilt is down to a bit of hangxiety, many of us feel anxious after alcohol which certainly puts a downer on any fun alcohol-fuelled times - hope you feel better soon.
It sounds like it was a wonderful, fun time which would have been great for you , hope you can stop worrying about it now x
Don’t feel guilty in the slightest! Everyone deserves a break once in a while. It is highly unlikely that a one-off beano would cause you to relapse. I cut alcohol right down when I was in treatment with the blessing of my oncologist but I didn’t stop…we all need something. Once I’d finished chemo I went on a right bender and it was a release that I sorely needed…I did have the hangover from Hell the next day.
You haven’t let anyone down. Don’t give that thought the time of day.
Obviously sensible drinking is seen as advisable if you’re talking to a medical professional, but I say it’s your body, your life. Live it how you choose. x
Does it help to know that at no point have my cancer team told me I shouldn’t drink? In fact I’ve had no cancer prevention advice around diet or lifestyle at all.
Don’t feel guilty about it. Our teams saved our lives so that we can enjoy them.
Please don’t beat yourself up about this - I’m quite sure that your team wouldn’t mind you having a little break especially for such a special occasion . I’m quite sure that one day of drinking isn’t going to make a difference to your prognosis . I must admit if I eat badly or drink alcohol ( very rarely ) I do feel a bit guilty as well but we all deserve to be able to let our hair down and enjoy ourselves - that is what you call recovery . Xx
Bluetit’s reply reminded me that when I walked into my pre-chemo “Meet the Team” meeting - to see the department and be told what was going to happen, etc., I went on my own. Despite it being the COVID post-Christmas lockdown, I was able to take my husband to that appointment, but we had a blazing row before we left the house, so I went on my own.
When the nurse asked if I was waiting for anyone to join us, I said no and why! The next thing she said was, "If you want to drink alcohol when you’re having your first type of chemo, you can”!
Thank you so much everyone. I feel a lot better hearing all of your comments. I managed to reframe it all after all of your lovely support. You really helped me and I am very grateful. I think you are all wonderful!
It’s a complicated journey all this isn’t it? Made a lot easier by this forum! Thank you so much. Love the phrase ‘our teams saved our lives so we can enjoy them’ so true and I hadn’t thought about it that way when I was beating myself up.
It is so interesting that very little guidance is given to us about diet etc but as you all say life is for living and that is what recovery looks like.
I had a lovely day and am moving forward thinking about that. Might not be reaching for the bottle again any time soon but when the next occasion happens I will embrace it and enjoy.
Oh Hettie 76…please don’t be so hard on yourself! Mind you, I’m no medical expert, but I am quite sure the joy you derived from the wedding and all the associated company, food and drink did you the world of good. You cannot live like a prisoner in your own body and I am positive that, as my granny used to say, a little of what you fancy does you good, and, everything in moderation. Now, if you calculate what you ate and drank at the wedding, divided it up by the days in the past year, the amount will be tiny! But multiply by the joy and how marvellous it made you feel and hang on to that. It doesn’t mean you’ll repeat that every day, but give yourself a little treat now and again. And certainly, dress up every day, don’t keep everything “for best.” If you have clothes you feel good in, wear them, even if you only potter round the house. Even if you can’t be arsed to put a full face of makeup, a well chosen lipstick does wonders to lift you! Be kind, don’t beat yourself up…keep up with the healthy foods but have a glass of wine now and then, if you fancy it. Take care Hettie76.
I know exactly how you feel!! I went 8 mos without alcohol and I had already cut way back before diagnosis. After bilateral mas and chemo and now on letrozole, verzenio and zometa twice a year I’m going thru chemical menopause I got so depressed. Zero joy. I was eating healthy for the most part but started binge eating again I finally said enough and decided to drink here and there. I have joy again. Not bc of the alcohol but bc I wanted to feel normal again I also started a mild antidepressant which has been helping so much. Last weekend we had friends come and visit and it was amazing and what I needed. I didn’t get drunk and bc the antidepressant dampens my appetite a bit the food noise is gone. This is coming from someone who never took meds. Only supplements. Eats healthy and exercises It was very hard for me to take chemo and all these meds but I feel better even with some side effects. I’m actually eating even better than what I already was with occasional treat. Anyway your post caught my attention bc I did feel guilt and then decided no, gotta live and as long as it’s in moderation it will be okay.
I actually asked my oncologist if I am allowed to drink - she hesitated first but then she said “well, I’m not supposed to encourage you to drink alcohol, but heck, you’ve got to live your life! So yes, in moderation”. I don’t drink much at all but now and then I have a cocktail or a glass of wine, and yes, I also overdid it a couple of times, but I don’t any more now! I’m on Letrozol.
I feel you describe very well the complicated relationship we have with our bodies after a cancer diagnosis. It sounds to me like you had a brilliant time and those moments when you forget about cancer and really enjoy life can be hard to find. Please be kind to yourself, this sounds like a one off where the bonus of enjoying the moment outweighs the very small downside to your physical health.
Guilt is something YOU create. Your”falling off the wagon” is completly normal. And, happily, - by your telling - didn’t affect your sleep/work. So - don’t (NEVER) waste your time/energy On the bogeyman of guilt! Send him packing!
, hope you can stop worrying about it now x
