All just too much

Hi Mike,

I’m so glad the sicknes appears to be getting under control. I was told I could sip as much of the ginger infussion as necessary. I’m not aware that there would be a limit… must admit I got through a ton of the stuff… can’t look a piece of ginger now!!!

Good luck with all the scans, will be thinking of you both xx

Fiona xx

Thanks both :wink:

Hi again

Another bad night, true we are going longer before she is sick maybe even a few hours but she is still being sick.
When I hear it, feels like a knife in my heart.

In all this nobody has actually asked ‘why is she being sick’ they just treat the symptoms!

Getting onto the hospice nurse today (like McMillan here) and want her to come out to see my wife.



Just had the hospice nurse here.

My wife remains severely dehydrated, she has acute renal failure, i.e. her kidneys can’t work due to the dehydration and she is sadly looking yellow.

They are trying a number of things here at home to see if they can turn this back over the weekend, if not she may have to be in hospital to get sorted out.

Sorting out this and her sickness are the priority as no other treatments can be carried out including the scans until she is better.

My fingers can hardly write this next bit.

She carried out an investigation of her tummy and identified that the liver was very, very large and that her tummy was hard all over.

Outside, where my wife could not hear I asked her to be honest with me and tell me what we were facing.

“It does not look good at all” came the reply.
Based on her observations she thinks the cancer has progressed very quickly.
Further treatments will not be as effective as the last ones and will carry far more nasty side effects.

There is an outside chance that the symptoms could be something else but without the scans we can not know.

So basically it looks like I am going to lose her :frowning: I have feared this ever since the cancer was found.
We have not yet been told it based on scans and oncologists but our hospice nurse is very well qualified and knows this beast well.

I am feeling dreadful :frowning: don’t know what to do I really am lost

so so sorry to hear that, you must feel so lost and helpless, dont know what else to say x


Hi Mike, my thoughts and love are with you both, love junieliz

Dear Mike

I’m so so sorry to hear that things are not great and I feel that nothing I can say can help or make things better just know that there are people here thinking of you and your dear wife.

Hi Mike, so very sorry to hear that things seem to be taking a downward spiral. It is very difficult to watch a loved one suffering. You are doing something, difficult tho it may be, you are there and you are caring for her.
You will both be in my thoughts.

Dear Mike
so sorry to hear about your wife. Vomiting is a very distressing symptom. Did the hospice nurse suggest the possibility of anti-sickness medication via a syringe driver…this is a very effective method of symptom control. Also regarding dehydration,again did the hospice nurse, suggest S/C FLUIDS. S/C fluids are given via a small butterfly into the subcut tissue.(top of the arm,top of the thigh or chest wall) Fluids can be given overnight. It would mean your wife could have some of the fluid she requires without having to go into hosp. The D/N would set them up and check on them.
I truly hope that your wife receives relief from her symptoms

My thoughts are with you

So sorry to read this,you must be very upset and feeling so helpless.
But just being there for your wife will mean so much to her.I really hope you get this under control and hope you have more time with your dear wife.Take care of yourself too,do you have friends/family to lean on?
Take care,

Mike I’m really sorry to read your latest post…I was worried and concerned for your wife after reading your initial postings. I hope the hospice team will now give you both all the support you need…and your wife is kept as comfortable as possible. I will be thinking of you both over the next few days.


Thinking of you both. I found the hospice team excellent and do hope they can make your wife comfortable. Remember to take care of yourself too.

Love Anne

Thnaks all for the love and support.

Sorry this is a short reply


SC Fluids! good call.

Just been speaking to the hospice nurse who says that depending on how my wife does over night (new drug etc) they might consider it tomorrow!

Thanks for the tip


Just wanted to say that I hope they can make her comfortable and to wish you strength.
Jane x

Can’t sleep tonight! wife seems OK so far.

Why would the hospice nurse be so negative about the outlook?

I have been reading up on secondary liver cancer and while its a ba****d of a thing there seems to be a wide range of treatments and options for dealing with it!

So far she has only had the one type of chemo.

They have been busily trying to switch off her ovaries but what is to say this cancer is receptive? does not seem to be.

Sorry, probably talking rubbish :frowning:

Sounds like your wife is going through a very poorly stage and it is hard to tell you what to do, ask and say to those who are supposed to looking after her.
I always deal with my onc so I have a very honest and good relationship with him and we plan all the treatments together. If she is not well enough for chemo at the moment they need to stabilise her. Have they said she has an infection? If she is going more yellow they need to take her in hospital and get her dehydrated. Please don’t presume they will do all the right things you have to take charge tell them yu expect the sickness to be under control it is not right that she is suffering or you for that matter. Is her cancer er+ they can switch the ovaries off with drugs or remove them by keyhole but this again is for you all to discuss with your onc.
Sorry I am not being much use it is just so hard to think of one of suffering when there are things they should be doing.
Thinking of you both.
Love Debsxxx

Hi Mike,

sorry but I have only just picked up on your thread here, and realise I had been posting to you on previous threads last year so I had a quick search as you said:

“Hi, can’t seem to find my older posts so will just give a quick background.”

Before the changeover to the new forums some of your posts got allocated the nick of ‘Forum Member’ and the titles of those were:

‘Wife had lumpectomy for ductal now they find lobular’ 18 March 2008
‘Feeling scared, guilty, weak & more’ 20 March 2008.
‘How fast to form?’ 4 May 2008

I don’t know if this is helpful or not but thought you might like them for reference. I found most of them by doing a search on mike - not in the author bit but just as a word search.

It really is a very hard time you are going through. Perhaps you need to sit down with the hospice nurse and tell her how anxious you feel that you are not getting the answers you need. They can be very good at liaising with your hospital team at times when you find it difficult.

Thinking of you.


hello Mike
just wanted to send love to you and your dear wife and to tell you how much I admire you for your care of her. I hope if it comes to it my husband can care for me so well.
I hope things have improved a little and that she can be made comfortable. Many of us are reading this and sending love to you both, its all we can do.
Take care of yourself as well as your wife
love, Monica

Morning all.

Thanks for the research and love and support.

She slept almost undisturbed from 21:00 to 05:00 when she was again sick twice :frowning: the new pill has a very strong sedative effect which she is still under. Poor thing fell in the loo and I had to help her. For this reason I am escalating things and want IV or SC fluids given to her today! they can not leave her untreated like this.

I was on the phone to the hospice at 05:50 and made them aware of this and said that as she has been diagnosed with acute renal failure and dehydration she needs medical intervention to resolve it!
Its the simplest thing to sort out a IV etc no idea why they seem so slow.

I have laid there most of the night watching her, can’t shut my eyes.

I am wondering if this thread is getting too depressing for others on the forum?