I finished my treatment in October 2010 after having two operations a lumpectomy then masectomy, chemo and radiotherapy and then went on to take Tamoxifen,Im 46. I threw myself back into life but the more I tried the more exhausted I felt. I started leaving things for later, coursework became a chore, at work I felt completely drained and I would forget what I was saying mid sentence and on the way home I would have to pull over and have a sleep. I was lucky enough to get refered to a therapist and she told me that I had taken on too much and needed to cut back to give myself time to recover. I started to put things on hold and the more I cut back the more I felt like a weight had been lifted. But even though Im not working at the moment and sometimes I feel like Im getting better it can still suddenly hit me like a sledgehammer and I feel like Im wading through mud. Im forgetful, I cant be bothered to answer emails or text messages straight away and then I forget about them, I slur my words when Im tired, sometimes when im really bad I can hardly drag myself out of bed. Im clumsy and irritable and I do really daft things like I got in the car the other day and realised that I was sat in the passenger seat instead of the drivers seat!!My husband is under a lot of pressure at work and now I rely on him so much but it is causing a lot of problems in our relationship. He gets angry because Im not the same person anymore and I get very depressed. We moved house so I could work from home but I havent been able to motivate myself enough to get going and it is putting a lot of financial pressure on him.Ive always been such a strong and positive person but my life has changed so much - will I ever be the same again?
Hi Lizzy
I am sorry to read that you are having such a hard time at the moment, if you feel it would help you are welcome to call our helpline to talk things over, they may be able to suggest some further support ideas for you to think about. The lines are open 9-5 during the week and 9-2 Saturdays on 0808 800 6000
Take care
Lucy
Lizzy
no you wont be the same person - diagnosis of cancer changes you forever, no matter how successful your treatment has been. And it sounds like you’ve done really well - brilliant! However being different doesn’t mean being a worse person, it just means different eg you will approach other sick people with far more understanding, you will be more sensitive to the feelings and fears of others, you will no doubt have new and different priorities in your life, and yes you will be a bit fragile emotionally for quite a while.
I’m post-menopausal so I took letrozole for 15 months, and I had all the symptoms you list, brain fuddle was dreadful, couldn’t have a conversation, sleeping loads, wading through cotton-wool, so the clinic changed me to anastrozole, and I am now a cheerful bright woman once again. And being retired (62 when DX, 64 now) means I can go at my own pace nowadays…
I don’t think Tamox can be changed, but my point is that what you are experiencing is normal. Could you see someone at your clinic and get some help with the meds as well as using the therapist, who sounds really helpful. In my experience they are always concerned to provide whatever follow-up we need.
I discovered that I’d got a bit too cocky and was doing too much - after all, I’ve been poorly but it’s all OK now, so let’s get on with the rest of my life etc etc.
I found a link on this site to an article by Dr Peter Harvey, about what happens to us after cancer and it was REALLY useful - perhaps someone else will post the link for you. Or try putting his name into google.
And it must be especially hard when your OH is under pressure as well - I really do feel for you. So of course that’s an extra pressure - even without your health concerns, this would be hard work so don’t beat yourself up about it. Easy to say I know…
anyhow, every best wish - I don’t know where you live - perhaps there is someone from this site who is local to you that you could buddy up with and have a good old rant and weep now and again - might help.
Finally - a dear friend, when I had a rant and a weep, said ‘it will do you good to get it all off your chest’ - cue hysterical laughter and a few more tears!!! When you get to the black humour stage you’ll know you’re picking up.
tkae care, sorry to ramnble on so much
grumpy (not really, been cold and bright here today in Cumbria)
Hi Lizzy,
I have a copy of the article which Grumpy refers to and I found it really useful and still do.
I can Email it to you if you pm me your email address or its there on the net if you search for . 'After the treatment finishes - then what’by Dr Peter Harvey
Take care
Mx
Hi Lizzy
I was sorry to read that you are feeling so awful. I wanted to post a comment because I think your age is relevant here - even without the complication of cancer during the years preceding menopause you can experience these symptoms. I am now nearly 59 and when I went through the menopause I felt as if my brain had turned to jelly. I could not make decisions, could not process information and was an emotional wreck. I had no physical symptoms (hot flushes, night sweats etc) but mentally and emotionally it was a nighmare. And I did not have cancer at the time (which I do now).
Lizzy, this won’t make you feel any better, I am just suggesting that maybe it is only loosely related to your cancer. I do hope you get through it. The dreaded Prozac was a Godsend for me…
Mary
Anti depressants may well help, not only with the low mood but also with flushes. But if you’re on tamoxifen you have to avoid prosaic. There are several others you can take thou.I’ve tried citalopram venlafaxine and sertraline (not all at the same time!) and they all worked well for both mood and flushes. Have a chat with your doc.
Thank you for all your comments it really has helped that I am not alone as I can feel quite isolated at times. I am on citalopram and it has helped a lot but if I get a blip in my life it can still knock me for six, sometimes to the extent that I feel my body and mind have shut down and I just go to bed. I had just finished a degree when I got diagnosed and afterwards I tried to pick up the pieces and start again. The more I tried the more I got knocked down so now I am just learning to roll with it (I try to think that Im not giving things up Im just taking a different route)I agree with you Mary, that the menopuase has got a lot to do with the way I feel as Im at the right age and my periods have not returned since chemo. I have had a test and they say I am still pre menopausal so they cannot change my meds. I have got the Dr Harvey article - I first read it about a year ago and found it really helpful so Im going to dig it out and read it again. I am also going to join a support group as I think I would benefit from talking to women who are going through the same as me. You have all proved that this helps already - thank you xxxxx