I found a lump 3 weeks ago, 1 week ago had appointment at Breast Clinic, had mammogram, ultra-sound and core biopsy, told it looked like cancer. I went back today for results. I have a 2cm invasive ductal carcinoma, got my op on 10th October, lumpectomy and about 4 nodes. I’m taking part in the sentinal node thing where they make me radioactive and inject me with blue dye. I hope I don’t turn into a “glow in the dark” Smurf lol.
The past few weeks have been a bit of a rollercoaster ride, I have sometimes felt scared and other times up for the fight. Reading this forum has helped a lot and I’d like to say thanks to all of you for sharing your experiences and making me feel less alone. I am 53 with 2 sons aged 17 and 19, the older one has Autism and other problems. Last year I married the man of my dreams and have at last found happiness. Suddenly finding out I have cancer has been a shock and I have good and bad days. I have always lived each day as if it is my last which has helped and I don’t have time for regrets. I will carry on living, loving and fighting, I will laugh when I can and cry when I have to, and like the rest of us here will do what needs to be done.
Best Wishes to you all!
Your dx sounds very similar to mine- felt a lump in July- went in BC in August- 19mm lump, invasive, had a Lumpectomy and senitel node biopsy on 4th Sep. By now I am recoverying very well from my op- could even drive now ( donot tell my BCN) hehe.
The Raioactive and blue dye were not too bad - a bit of stingy feeling for the radioactive injection. Boob turned a bit blue but back to normal now
I found the worst part is unknown and the uncertainty. Now I know I will be having chemo and radio stuff and know the time frame now - it is eaiser- just a project need to manage now , that is sometimes i look at it.
Meet my chemo nurse today- she 's having an attitude like- this is a treatment, you are not going to be labeled as sick person kind of attitude, which i liked!!
good luck to you operation and hope everything going well…
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Hi everyone.
Just read through this post and can identify with many of the experiences here. I too have been quite calm and generally fairly positive in many respects throughout the diagnosis and start of treatment. Found lump early June, BC 24th June to be told not a cyst and would probably need surgery of some form. Very anxious for a few days waiting for results of FNA and mammogram to find that results inconclusive and needed core biopsies. Final diagnosis end of July, denfinitely BC and needed mastectomy. MX Sept 8th. Results 17th, 2 lumps of invasive cancer of 1cm (grade 3 and grade 2) and large area of DCIS of intermediate to high grade. 1 lymph node affected. ER+. See oncologist on 1st Oct to find out chemo and rad involved. I have wanted to talk about it and have been very open with friends and my colleagues at work since my definite diagnosis. Felt inside on one or two occasions that it would be good to cry and wished I could but can’t. My attitude I think is that the only way to tackle this is to go through it and hopefully come out the other side. My friends are amazed how good I am taking all that is involved. I am also a Christian as one other person who replied was and I know that is helping me to get through. But it doesn’t mean you don’t get anxious, nervous and worry. I’m in my 50’s and have 2 sons at home who are in their 20’s (I am a widow). I am grateful for these forums to learn more about living with BC and its treatment. Hope I can also help and encourage others too.
Hi Tashasmum.
I was diagnosed with “the b*****d blip” (my name for the cancer) on Monday, and like you, I haven’t stopped talking about it. I am more than happy to do so and have told people no pity and definately no tears! Of course I am scared but also feeling positive but also feel weird as I am so calm!
Would love to hear your further thoughts.
Love from
Melanie
I’m the same really, pretty calm most of the time, though I did tell the doctor to f*** off when he gave me the diagnosis, and I’ve had some terrible moments,nightmares etc, but am able to tell people quite calmly and rationally about this.And yes, most of them seem to expect me to howl the place down. I DO cry, mostly for the furure loss of my breast, which is something i just can’t get my head round right now…and all because the b*****d thing has attached itself to my nipple.Seeing the reconstruction surgeon on Tuesday, so I presume i will then get some idea of when they plan to operate.I think my real problem is that it still feels like they are talking about somebody else when i go to the hospital and yes, I guess I am scared…hubby doesn’t really say much either, so it’s hard to know what he’s thinking.I went to get my hair cut shorter today, so it won’t seeem so bad when i lose it.All this for a grade 1,borderline 2, and less than 2cm lump.Thing is, I can’t see another option right now…I DO want to live, I have children, hubby and grandchildren who I love dearly and don’t want to leave, so I guess I have to see this through and I have been told it won’t kill me,but I do have to have a mastectomy and that’s the bit I’m really bothered about.It’s my femininity, my sexuality, my womanhood, and the lover in me that is crying out for this not to be happening,and it’s hard.Not so much a journey, but a darned hard road to be on
I am getting close to my lumpectomy and sentnel node biopsy now, next Friday, and although I’m scared of the unknown I think I’m coping really well. I’ve kept myself really busy and I’ve been catching up with old friends. Strangely I have been laughing more lately than for a long time. I think it has been easier for friends and family to cope because I’ve been so jolly. I have breast cancer and will just have to make the best of it and do my best to beat it.
Although I don’t post on this forum very often, I read it everyday and have found it a great source of strength. Thanks ladies
Thinking especially of you, Narnia, but also all of you who ae about to undergo breast surgery…
I have always been happy with my breasts - they’ve been good friends and done a good job - I’m quite sure that without them I wouldn’t have had some of my better moments in life. They have attracted lovers ( their primary function, pre babies) and have fed 3 babies for a total of 6 years. They have filled out and been happy to be on show for the past few years. My husband likes them and they provide much physical enjoyment for both of us.
However, when I had to have a Mx for widespread high grade DCIS and grade 3 tumour, my only question to myself was wether or not I was going to bother with immediate reconstruction. i knew that it would make my chemotherapy harder - the wounds ache and pain after each session - and that the potentials for problems with healing would be much bigger if I did have recon at the same time.
I felt that my breasts were part of not just my femininity, but also of ME, my personality and my love life with my husband.
But, when a colleague became tearful ( which I haven’t been) and said ‘don’t worry Td -you’ll still be beautiful and sexy’ my immediate retort was ‘hey! I’m having my tit off, not my fanny sewn up!’ (it was ok to use these words with her - I wasn’t going for shock or crude) - and that came straight from my heart, and immediate response to her worries.
I did have the recon. It;s still a work in progress as I need an implant to equalize it. I still don’t know if I did the right thing - I could’ve waited, I’m not keen on the round scar where my nipple was, and it has shrunk and creased a lot in the last 6 weeks. I’m hoping it’ll be better when all is done and I have a ‘new’ nipple.
Mostly, I want you to know that my femininity is from within me, it isn’t my breasts. It’s the way I act, carry myself, dress and believe in myself.
there is hope!
Big love and strength to those of you having to contemplate this now
I have just re-read this thread as I posted on it a few weeks ago before my op saying how strangely calm I felt. Thats now changed. I didn’t unpack my feelings properly prior to the mastectomy as I guess it was my way of coping. Since I came home from hospital last Sunday I have cried buckets for the loss of my breast (even though I had immediate recon) and what I still have to go through. I cannot speak to friends/family about how I feel about myself and my life/future without dissolving into tears! Even though the path results were good (18mm grade 1 cancer gone in bin along with left breast, 9 lymph nodes taken, 1 with a few micro metasteses in so awaiting Oncologist appt to discuss chemo) and everyone else thinks I should be over the moon I am NOT. I never thought it would be bad news (again, not dealing with it until and if it happened) so was surprised by the tears shed by my nearest and dearest that I wasn’t likely to drop dead anytime soon but am REALLY struggling with working out how I will feel like me again. When will I ever feel sexy? Everyone says my new boob is fantastic and the surgeon is chuffed to bits and yes it is firm, self supporting (in fact the kinda boob I would have paid for if only it had a nipple and not part of my back on it) but seeing myself naked for the first time without dressings on Friday was awful and nothing anyone says at the moment will make me feel like it will be okay. I now face losing my hair and I KNOW I will struggle again with my femininity/self-image etc. I want to go back to work and back to my old life but this bast**d cancer has changed me and my life and I am angry not brave, doing really well, looking great etc etc!!!
I want to be a year from now, well, with two matching boobs that I have grown to perhaps love, hair, working back on the front line I DONT want to be here in my life right now!
Rant over, sorry. I am sure I will feel better soon and perhaps even be able to say the “my cancer may have been a gift” blurb I spouted before and now makes me want to puke.
What I was trying to say, is whatever you feel can change…
It can make us view things differently - it DOES make us do that because we HAVE to, but given the choice, I’d like my old life back please.
My new life however will be good, and I do know that when i look in the mirror now and see a fluid filled, eyelashless, bald taupe version of Mr Blobby with one breast and one not-very-convincing recon that things will improve.
i will be very cross with myself, having been through this year, if I do go straight back to the rat-race.
well, I don’t know how i should be feeling now…I met the surgeon, who was simply lovely, and who made me feel like a real person, not the ‘right breast carcinoma’.He says that he is prepared to do a wide local excision, with reconstruction of the breast immediately and an imediate reduction of my left breast, though he has cautiioned that I may still need a mastectomy, dependent on what he finds during surgery.He has sent me a letter,explaining that i will have a lot of scarring, though hopefully much of this will be on the underside of the breasts.I will start on arimidex too and have radiotherapy, they won’t know about chemotherapy until they test removed tissue.I was so excited when he told me all this, it truly felt like i had won the eurolottery, but of course, reality has sunk back in and i have to calm down and realise that a mastectomymay still be on the cards, particularly since he says the tumour feels larger on examination than in the reports.My nipple is also looking worse when i lift my arms up, but i thought it was just the after effects of the core biopsy/Also, he tells me that I have ‘almost certainly’ had this tumour for some time, almost definately from before my last mammogram.That makes me damned angry, but also very very sad, since it suggests that had somebody read the scan properly, i might not be facing such hard times now.And, as a final upset, we have booked to go away for a long weekend in March and my nurse says it’s most probable that I won’t be able to go as I will be mid-treatment.S, though i should probably be feeling quite happy, i am experiencing some very mixed emotions now…though i’m not as scared as i was.
I was diagnosed today and have been exactly as many of you - cool and calm about the whole thing. I was sent for a ‘lets just dot the i’s’ mammo last Monday by a consultant who clearly couldn’t feel the lump we (me and my husband) could. The scan however did show it and the radiologist was just that little bit too careful trying to make sure I didn’t immediately panic so made me feel that he thought there was something to worry about. As a result when I got the results this morning it was just as I’d anticipated and am now quite cheerful about the whole thing - I’ve got an appontment for a full massectomy on Monday and have sorted the childcare etc out, so all I have to do is enjoy my weekend and take it from here.
