Hi to all,
having a really teary day, cant say why it has hit me. i have to remember this is all just temporary.and this is normal
im better now the evening is here.
well done on the Haven Sukie, have just chased up my trust referral for counselling, complementary therapies etc.
also found local support group but they meet in evenings. hope that after fec4 i can go along. maybe need to see people face to face.
oncologist waste of time today because i am ok physically she has nothing to say, just see you in 6 weeks!
love to all,
xx
Hi Anne-sorry you’ve been having such a hard time emotionally. Its the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face too. I think all any of us can do is take each day as it comes. Little treats like caramel lattes also help (my favourite too!).
Did you have anything specific to ask your onc? I agree that they tend to focus on controlling s/es when you’re on chemo. My oncology clinic is also like piccadilly circus so they never have much time x
Thanks sukie. yes to the above, im shouting at myself that this too will pass, they are just feelings they come and go.
i have started to calm down, watching it takes 2 and loving craig revel horwood, wouldnt you love to have him as a gay best friend, or perhaps thats just me,!!!
i only asked onc about periods and menopause does chemo make it quicker?? everyone is different and some people get periods back for a while, and how long would it take to get me booked into rads after last chemo. which will be jan/feb.
chat soon
anne xx
Hi Anne, I was very low emotionally after FEC 3 too, I think partly because the middle of treatment felt like no mans land, no longer new but the end seemed a long way off. I also felt really exhauseted and couldnt image what feeling normal felt like. I really hope you feel better soon xxx
Hi September Sparklers - we must all be getting near the end of chemo - Thank god!!!
Sukie - I saw my surgeon last weeek. Lovely man that he is. We had a lot of talk about “options” re reconstruction and and one of the things he mentioned was the strattice thing. it has apparently been used in the states for the last few years and its supposed to be a good fit with good results: (a) because pig organs/skin are quiite close to human dna and (B) because they use it to create a hammock it give as a nice natural “droop”. Yeah, just we what we all wanted nice droopy breasts, Not pert, hello look at me, I am a-ma-zing, but sorry everyone, I droop! But no seriously this is supposed to be the new next best thing. If I have to have a mx with reconstruction I am opting for an implant with strattice. My op is going to be mid - late Jan - so may be the same time as yours? I am waiting for genetics back so no decision made yet and have one more tax to go (ye-ha!) so hoping it will shrink the beggar a bit more and then I can have the WLE.
Sam - I am also in the ER+ Her negative group. My status is ER+ 7/8. PR+ 7/8 and HER -. so highly oestrogen receptor positive. Also have a dodgy thyroid which has been raging out of control (a bit like me!) and kicking out loads of oestrogen which hasn’t helped!. My tumour has shrunk on the chemo thank goodness and I am due to start Tamoxifen in a couple of weeks (joy, of joys!). I think breast cancer is all so individual -what should work across the board might work for one and not the other - so you need a good tream behind you to try alternatives and you need to be a stroppy cow and demand things - I have been very stroppy recently because I am not prepared to be fobbed off anymore _ goddamnit I’ve got cancer and I want to be fixed - so flipping fix me!!! Sorry, rant over, normal service will resume shortly.
Anne, I am sorry you are feeling so low. If it is of any help, I think it is all down to the feccing FEC. On Fec 3 I felt really low and emotional and very very teary. I had no interest in anything and was not my usual fighting self. I definitely blame it on the chemo. Since FEC has finished I feel loads better - although I am on TAX, and have SE’s - mentally I am much stronger. I was almost at the point of taking anti-depressents but because of my thryoid problem, nobody would prescribe me any, and at the time it made me feel worse, but I am so grateful now because I have come thru out the other side. It is difficult becuase you are mid-way and can’t seen the end, and also, if you are like me, chemo has started to kick in big time and you feel wretched, but it will pass and will get better and if you can get through this Anne, you can get through anything - really you can. You are brave and strong and you can do it. I hope you start to feel better soon and try to stay positive - I know it’s hard but you will get thru it.
On a personal front, I scared the locum today with my bald lady bits! I had a chuckle at his face and then got cross when he asked “Do you usually shave down there?” Felt like replying “Yes mate, chemo didn’t give me the finish I was after so thought I had better have a trim!” What an idiot!! Hey ho, off to drink more wine - what harm can it do? I already have blooming cancer!!!
Hope you ladies are all ok and …Keep Sparkling!!!
Sorry for the duplicate post - stupid computer!! Obviously designed by a man!! Probably a locum too!!!
Hi Spookymoo-as always your post made me laugh.
Good to hear about the strattice-a pigskin hammock sounds v glam!
I was hoping for a WLE but I think the position and size of my lump makes it difficult. Also theres a big difference between all my scan results and the clinical size of the lump-my doc wants to remove it all just in case. My surgery is on 22nd Jan.
I too had a terrible time after my 3rd FEC and did better with Tax. However I shouldn’t speak too soon as I have my second on Thursday.
Have a glass of wine for me-I haven’t been able to face any alcohol for about 3 months sadly x
Hi again Sukie. I hope that you may get more positive news prior to your surgery on 22nd Jan. I am a very small lady (32b) and my lump at original Dx was 2.5cm and is in inner quadrant of left breast (pretty much over the heart area). Chemo has shrunk it a bit but was still surprised when my surgeon (sigh, He is rather George Clooney-esque!) said I might get away with a WLE. I am. Still unsure if this is the right way to go - there is a part of me that says "be gone abbhoront diseased thing! And to be safe shoukd chop whole thing off! I have still got to see a plastics man at some point as still planning for mx. I have requested a pair of reconstructed DD’s but surgeon did say “I am sorry but cannot work miracles!” which put me in my place! Was rather hoping for a new pair! But seriously, pigskin hammock is the way to go - at least for me I think. I have been told I probably don’t have enough back or tummy fat for a tram flap or diep. (damn it I have been shovelling the cake in for goodness sake!) so implant is best. I might be joking about it but still not looking forward to it. But kinda at that point now, you know, where I just want rid of this pesky thing in me and want to move on with my life and get back to “normal”. It’s really pants whatever surgery they do - I don’t think any of us can feel normal about ourselves or trust our bodies anymore. It’s all c@+p and none of us deserve this - and it’s scary and horrid and relentless.
Good luck for your second tax on Thursday. Does that leave one more to go? Sending good vibes out to you and hoping the chemo kicks the beastie in the you-know-where! Do u have another scan booked in after this to see if it has shrunk - is it an option for a WLE if it shrinks a bit more.?
I would have a glass of wine for you but I’m sorry I have drunk it all,. Bummer. I hope it knocks me out and I can sleep tonight.
Hi sorry I haven’t been on here much as I have been in hospital last Monday night with low blood cells. Didn’t come out until Friday night. Have been told to rest this week so can have chemo on friday, Hey ho!
much love spooky, you said just what i needed and gave us the laugh aftewards. thankyou.
tomorrow is a new day,
g’nite everyone and yep sparkle away tomorrow.
xxxxx
Hi story so far sorry to hear you have been poorly and in hospital. I hope you are starting to feel a bit better and will be well enough for chemo Friday. I have chemo too on Friday (all being well) so will be thinking of you. I can think of better ways to spend a Friday though. (images of Daniel Craig in Skyfall pop into my head - then "get real. This would never happen in real life and definitely not whilst on chemo when u are bald, fat, falling over from dizziness, huffing and puffing, parping, sweating and being generally very cross!). So wishing you a speedy recovery. Cyber hugs x
Thanks Spookymoo I hope that everything goes well for you too. Im still very worried about tax as no idea what will happen to me. I think that I will probably panic all week!
Woke up with cramp in my calf on Saturday so stood up to get rid of it and now have found out from Doctor who actually came to see me today, that thinks I may have strained it as well as have terrible pain in it and am hobbling around now.
What fun we are all having.
big hugs with your leg story so far, you sum it up with what fun we are having. the others can tell you all about tax and fingers crossed for friday.
spooky thanks for still being an inspiration am going to waste time playing a silly game on her then try for some sleep.my daughter came into me at 5,30 with sore throat so have just been to doctors with her, not bad enough fro antibiotics, had lady coughing everywhere, sod off i thought.
here’s hoping your fec and tax will shrink it a little bit more, and it will be good for you and sukie to share similar op dates, its just so different that way round, now i look back to the summer, my wle was such a doddle, but a friend did warn me this is the hard bit.
onwards and upwards, hope i can nod off for a bit
big hugs as always
xxx
hi girls
hope you’re not feeling too pants. story so far am really sorry to hear they kept you in hospital for four nights - that can’t have been fun. i ended up in hospital too - admitted sunday night with a high temperature and thinking well it’s a pain but i’ll be home by midnight. didn’t even see the doctor until half three in the morning after lying on a really uncomfortable hospital trolley for hours with dearest hubbie trying to sleep on the bare floor! then lots more needles before concluding it’s probably a urinary tract infection you’d better stay in…ugh. then kept waiting hours and hours to see a consultant who finally arrived at 5pm and spent all of three minutes with me before discharging me yesterday.
i know they have to be cautious but after that fun experience am going to be reluctant to take my temperature now!
and that was on top of the side effects of docetaxel number one - random aches and pains, tiredness and a complete loss of appetite (trust me, this is unusual!) jayne m - you’re so right about the middle of treatment being a no-man’s land - feels like it’s been going on forever but there’s not much sign of an end either…
now spookymoo you’ve got me thinking about a glass of wine. water tastes horrible at the moment (must be the chemo) so maybe i should check out some sauvignon blanc instead!
hugs to you all
sam
Hi ladies Hope you are all ok and still manage to sparkle (even if just a little bit) with your SE’s. I am sneezing and feeling lousy so hoping I do not have a bug. Bloods tomorrow hopefully in preparation for last chemo Friday - so I better be well or else, ggggrrrr.
I have had a fun day with my puppy today - she ate and broke my mop, nearly trashed my broom and refused to walk to the park - lay down flat with legs spreadeagled out so dragged her for a bit and then decided the best solution was to carry her. So that’s me got the “mad old lady” label now, walking down the road carrying a furry ewok looking type dog wearing a hat that was on wonky and showed my bald bits off!
Story so far - I was like you and terrified of the side effects on first Tax, Nothing - absolutely nothing - happened. Was a bit disappointed really as would have made chemo a bit more exciting. But no reaction or anything. So hoping this will be the same for you. The infusion takes a bit longer on the first two as they put it through slowly which extends the time in the unit unfortunately - I can’t wait to get in and out - the quicker the better for me!
Anne I’m sorry to hear your daughter woke you up at 5.30! Not fair! Tell her not to spread it to you either - last thing you need. I sleep very little at night - blooming flipping hot flushes and night sweats - It was -5 the other night and I had to have the bedroom windows open - poor hubby was freezing! Dreading the steriods on Thursday - they make me so hyper - I won’t miss the beggars keeping me awake at 3am - I tend to get up and do some manic cleaning - never bother with cleaning usually - must be some weird steriod side effect - thank god these are the last lot - then I can all go back to normal and live in a messy dirty house like normal people!
In Shock - totally agree with you about horrible taste - everything tastes foul on the Tax. And so sorry to hear about the horrible time you had in hospital. It’s disgraceful I say. I think the majority of us ladies deal with all the rubbish associated with our treatment with diginity - and we deserve to be treated with respect and dignity back. It does feel like its going on for every but once you get thru the next one you only have one left and then you are done my lovely! Hope you feel better now.
Well off to cook tea. No wine for me tonite (boo, hoo!) as bloods tomorrow and don’t want to jinx anything, so InShock, please have a glass or 3 for me! Enjoy your evening everyone -and remember you are all sparkling sapphires and you shine!
Hi Sapphires - don’t have much to post apart from more moaning details of SEs but thought I would say hello. Tax 2 has not been as bad as tax 1. Now day 6 so hoping I can say that with confidence. My mouth feels almost normal, aches are being dealt with fine with nurofen and peeling skin on hands starting to heal - although feet have started peeling now. I am finding too much time alone in the house is taking its toll and feel quite down and lacking sparkle. Work has taken the place of a social life for much of my life and now I have too much time on my hands and not enough people to put in it. Does anyone else feel like this or am I just a bit of a saddo?
Nicola x
Not much to report here either… my onc has decided to leave me on FEC for all 6 chemos, which is excellent as my body seems to have adjusted to it and I’ve had no major side effects.
I did have some vertigo (BPPV) and my onc sent me for a brain scan just to cheer me up! Thankfully it was negative (i.e. no tumours) - and the vertigo might just be a coincidence and nothing to do with chemo.
Keyfeatures - I too filled my life with work (both my day job and a home business) - and as soon as I was diagnosed I set about strengthening/widening my support network as I knew it was lacking. (I live alone and have no nearby family).
Some friends have backed off, but others have rallied around. I’m a bit of an antisocial person at the best of times, so I decided that I’d keep to myself in chemo week and the following week when my immune system is at a low ebb - then on week 3 I try to see people every day. Sometimes I get a bit sad in my ‘hermit’ weeks, but I have a couple of friends who will happily email me all day, so I have not really felt alone. There are very few people however that I feel I could call on for company in an emergency - and most are going away for Christmas, so that’s not going to be a fun week - it’s a good thing I actually enjoy being on my own most of the time.
I also keep in touch with work colleagues, and try to see some of them each ‘good’ week - either in the office or they come to my house, and I keep them informed of my progress by email. My home business has had to be put on hold as it involves some ‘risky’ activities - cutting glass and handling dangerous chemicals - which is a real shame as I feel it is a missed opportunity to focus on what I love doing.
funny pegglass, that you wish for 6 chemo,and say excellent. would we normally wish ourselves that joy??!
glad you have such good network of people to chat to, i am using the phone more now especially when i feel low or lost.
nicola, not a saddo at all, you may remember that my job is teaching assistant and when they are texting me about school being crazy,i felt really pissed off because i just cant be a part of it. my other job in the building society is difficult although its where i live they are also busy and i dont feel i can stay for long. so i know just what you mean. i linger longer in the library just to delay going home, and thats why these messages are so good for me, not to wallow but we can really understand most of what we are going through. thats why i do check in most days, it is a great support and nice when you can cheer up someone else.
lots of love
anne xx
Thanks for that Pegglass. I know I haven’t done enough to cement and maintain friendships in the past. I do have a husband but think I rely on that default company too much. I think I’ll maybe follow your example this cycle and try to see people in week three. Like you, I’ve been happy being alone a lot but this has made me really focus on how important a network of people are.
Nicola x
Hi everyone
Spooky I have my last tax on 28 December. I don’t think I’ll be a candidate for wle as my surgeon is keen to get rid of all my lump (both the tumour and inflammation around it). I’m quite well endowed but the lump is in the same position as yours but on the right. You are right its all bloody awful-I hate walking up to the entrance of the hospital these days and have to practice deep breathing on the way in. Not that I could run away as I’m too knackered.
keyfeatures-like pegglass I see people during week 3 and am usually back at work too. I’m another who enjoys my own company but know how isolating this illness can be too. You are no saddo-this treatment takes away your life temporarily I think.
Also I was wondering why the skin on feet was peeling off I had no idea that it was a s/e.
I’ve discovered today I need a blood transfusion as my hemoglobin has gone down yet again. Crossing my fingers that I can have my treatment tomorrow. I’m feeling pretty dreadful-so tired and lethargic so maybe some of the red stuff will sort it out.
Hi to Anne, pegglass and Sam too-glad the thread has had a bit of a revival after a quiet time! x