And Up!.....And Down!

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1

Well,

My Wife and I as you will see from my first ever post " A worried Young Husband and Father" have been through a bit this year.

I have been to 2 councelling sessions and have another tonight.

I have weaned myself off the sleeping tablets and felt really good, for the most part of last week, I just can shake the last little bit of numbness, and whilst sketching some art with a friend had a bit of a mini panic attack last night? cant put my finger on what caused it. maybe i am just thinking to much.

someone please tell me this is normal, as I over thought about this last night and got down again. Find it hard sometimes.

I suppose I am just getting things out of my system, I am learning the live for today attitude, but it is taking its time, and what with all the negative stuff on the TV at the mo, doesnt it all get depressing???

I still have the worries, and believe there are quite a few, but again, I am trying to adopt the deal with it when it happens attitude, and as the lovely ladies here have said, that secondary BC in the bones, can be treated well, so what am i worrying about?? easy said hey.

I suppose we just have to get used to these emotional ups and downs that go with what we are all dealing with.

On the positive, for the most part we are all doing ok, I love spending time as a family with our little girl, and my wife, I have treated her a bit for her birthday on saturday, and we have a great xmas planned.

maybe thats what is subconciously hurting me, maybe.

Life throws these challenges at all of us, just feel that my strenght emotionally peeks and troughs too much.

I suppose i am just looking for reassurance that these feelings are normal, I am coping and will cope just get confused sometimes, this feeling is like no other isnt it?

I must say, anyone stuggling should try councelling, it helps and i have noticed that my wife is seeming stronger because I am strong enough not to cry in front of her anymore, and having the counceller as someone to lean on is great, plus she does some excellent relaxational excersizes.

Sorry for the winge ladies and gents, just had to get stuff out of my system.

Best Wishes To You All,

Matt M

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Hi Matt

Just wanted to offer you my support and to say that you sound like you are a very caring husband and father. You are not whinging at all, you have every right to feel like you do. My OH just puts his head in the sand and pretends that its not happening and if he ignores it long enough, then maybe it will go away! I am so glad you are going for counselling, I’m very lucky in that I have a good friend who is also a trained counsellor and she is fantastic, I couldnt have got through without her.

To me the very fact that you are coming onto this site and letting out your feelings is a very positive one and I think you can be proud of the way you are coping with this horrendous time for your wife, your family and yourself. Be kind to yourself and dont expect too much, this journey is a very hard one for everyone concerned and its so important to be there for each other.

Its good too to have some fun and some things to look forward to!

My best wishes to you too…

wisps

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Its Strange how people cope, I havent slept for two nights, really dont want the sleeping tablets anymore. its my wifes birthday and she seems abit down. In the past i have had issues with being content and have slowley realised that i must enjoy today for what it is, a not worry about tommorrow unitil it comes.and not over anaylise stuff. easy said than done sometimes, burying your head in the sand only works for a little while then, reality bites for anyone in denial,

I would like to think that i am doing ok but sometimes its hard. I am going to do my best to give my wife a great birthday. even though we cant afford the hotel, we will have a good time at the theatre.

It is getting easier, but will it ever be easy?

I am confident that we can build ourselves up and enjoy our life together.

thanks for the reply.

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Hi Matt,

We both had a lot of disturbed sleep throughout this, although mines was more down to the after effects of the steroids hanging around for a few months. It got to the stage that because I wasn’t sleeping well I started having nightmares about having to take medication and ultimately about death - that was when I knew I had to see a counsellor.

What helps us is burning a perfumed incense stick at bedtime (something like lavender, musk or violet - stay away from anything smelling of sandalwood as it makes you very alert). I also put on a CD of relaxation or meditation music very low in the background. It generally makes us drop off about 20 mins in and we both sleep like babies all night. I’ve only experienced 2 bad dreams in 5 months by doing this and have gone back to sleep both times. I also had to resort to moving the bedroom furniture round as I was associating it with being very ill last year as I had almost 4 months where I was in bed all the time culminating in a week of hospital isolation.

I was in Belfast for a few days break this week and I missed my CD and incense. I also find meditation helps greatly and I do a bit of yoga, but I know this isn’t right for everyone as we are all different. However, I find I’m willing to try things I maybe would have dismissed a couple of years back, same with my OH. I like the peace and the calm as it puts me at ease.

Glad you are managing to cope and that you are able to be realistic about your situation. Just hang in there. I have been totally inspired this past 2 years by people who have been far, far worse than me.

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Not only are you normal…but you’re being realistic and open about how you feel, and facing up to your fears. None of which are easy to do, so I think you should feel proud of the progress you have made so far.I’ve always likened living with cancer to being on a roller coaster ride-and one in which you have little control at times, and this is what can hurt the most. I find birthdays and anniversaries bittersweet times (I too have secondaries, but also in liver and pleura, so know that my life expectancy is compromised hugely ). Whislt still enjoying these occasions, it’s inevitable that we wonder, “how many more?”.

“Will it ever be easy?” you asked. Possibly not-but it will become easier, and you will be strong enough to do it. You will Matt!

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Thanks Elaine,

I find alot of positivity here, and try and remain positive, but as you said, its not easy, but I am sure it will become easier, I will be taking cherub’s advice about the sleeping, as I am finding that a struggle, tiredness is a bad thing as it makes people down.

Life is a roller coaster, and I find it confusing that after three good days, I have a bad one, I do not get it.

The birthday thing was tuff, I had a headache the whole day, by the end of it, i ultimatley had a good time, and made sure my wife did, we at least i tried my best.

Feeling on middle ground today, not happy not sad, very distracted at work though. I am getting stronger, and realising that the up and down nature of this roller coaster is normal, I just wish it was easier to control, my mother and brother are visiting this weekend, they live away, and I find it hard not having them close. so I am sure that after a visit I will be better. I try not to think too far into the future and just tell myself that whatever happens I will be strong enough to deal with it and move on. even my wife has said this.

Our daughter always makes us smile and gives us the strength we need. thank goodness we have her.

Just a thank you really, to you and to everyone here.

Matt xx