This has been a really interesting and encouraging thread. I didn’t have chemo so felt kind of guilty at the time that I didn’t find radio a walk over.
Probably the worse bit for me was the final few days. There was one day when I was so so tired I couldn’t talk or think straight and on the last day I left the hospital in tears - wierd. You would have thought it would have been a time for celebration- emotions are so odd aren’t they. I still get tired if I overdo it but then I suppose are bodies have been through so much in such a short time.
All the best to those going through treatment, be good to yourselves.
I am pleased you started this thread Sarah,
ON the serious side it was good to draw attention to the fact that it’s a very lonely expericne lying on that table when they leave the room. I have wanted to cry a few times. The tamoxifen does not help. I find I have very little patience.
I was due to see my oncologist on Thursday as he had written in my notes that he wanted to see me once a week during rads. I had a few questions lined up for him. Anyway I mentioned it just as they were getting me into position on the table. Next thing he appeared in the room as they had telephoned him. The lovely radiologist did inform me he was present as I couldn’t move a muscle. He came round and inspected my breast as I lay there with my arms in the air, as you do, and said: “that all looks fine” as off he went.
To be honest, I was a bit shocked the week before when I saw him as he opened my file and there was a big digital photo of me lying there on the machine. Just felt a bit weird.
I don’t think I can beat ‘Burn baby burn’ that really made me laugh. I just hope they don’t put Night Fever on 'cos I wouldn’t be able to resist sticking my right hand in the air when it got to the chorus!
At my hospital they play the music very quietly and i didn’t notice it at first. I’ll have to listen more closely. On Friday when the radiologist had got me into position she said: “And now I’ll leave you with the Scissors Sisters.”
I’m glad this thread is here, I was beginning to think it was only me!! The staff are pleasant enough but they just get on with their jobs.
I mentioned my chording seemed to be worse and one said ‘your what?’ I didn’t mention it again.
I’m like you, magsi, no chemo and felt really bad that I didn’t cope with rads like a ‘super trouper’! I burst in to tears too on my last one - think it was the shear relief that it was all finished.
It was the clicking of the machine when they were swinging it/me in to position. I could hear it in the waiting room. Someone said earlier about no doors just a curved corridor, I could hear the patient’s conversation when they were on the table.
The problem with taking my music was that I would always associate it with radiotherapy and wouldn’t want to play it again. I also worked on the basis that if they had to fiddle with the CD I’d be in there longer!
I’m looking very tanned on one side now with just 2 blackheads. I asked for a butterfly but no go!
Can’t say that I’ve ever really noticed what music they are playing … the ‘mother’ readiotherapist did comment on it one day last week cos it was stuff from the 60s and said that she was in danger of bursting into song cos she knew the words … now I have the WORST singing voice ever and I said they better just hope that I didn’t follow her example or I would clear the entire area.
I do like the idea of Burn Baby Burn … not so sure about the And Now the End is Near. For my final session I may put in a special request for Hit Me Baby One More Time.
Hi all,
lynnietom are your 2 blackheads black? cos mine are blue and I was promised a ‘mickey mouse’ but also didn’t get one. Perhaps I ought to get out a permanant marker and do a bit of DIY on them.
Magsi
This thread is brilliant. It will be helpful to many, I’m sure.
I looked at it because I have been surprised at the anger rising up unexpectedly in me, when irritated by little things. I’m only just starting chemo so goodness only knows what I’ll be like by the time I get on to the rads!!
It seems to me that part of the anger must come from not being treated like a person.Right from dx day, we need more room to talk with the doctors, bc nurses,onc doctors. I’ve always felt I was taking up their time if I had questions, did anyone else? I know it’s not the fault of the staff because they are SO overworked, so I don’t know what the answer is. More one to one support would help, I suppose, from someone whose been through it. Maybe something we could do something about that when we’ve come through it? Thank God for this forum! it must be a life-saver!! (and the helpline).
I found the time in hospital quite hard but didn’t know where to turn to for a shoulder to cry on.Especially in the middle of the night.( All I needed was a cup of hot chocolate, but felt scared to ask! ) Now, I feel I want to go into that ward and offer a listening ear to the women who come in each week, who are feeling scared. I helped one lady who was there at same time, she was so grateful.
Unless you’ve been through it people can have only have the vaguest idea of what it feels like to have this dx, can’t they?
Maybe we can campaign through the macmillan support group for more sensitive “handling” of all cancer patients. Let’s channel that anger to good purpose! Power to the people! ( John Lennon song?). I’m starting to feel militant - not in my character at all, but as I’ve said before, this bc is changing me into a stronger person.That’s how we survive I guess!! Just thought of some other lyrics…“when the going gets tough, the tough get going”. It’s either that or lie down and fade away isn’t. Although, God knows that’s all we feel like doing some days, and that’s ok.On the whole though,we get tough!
I’ll talk to my onc nurse about it.She’s part of macmillan, and trained in counselling.And let you know what I find out.
God bless you this week with patience,a sense of humour, and healing from this wretched thing.
Ann xx
This is the funniest thread I have ever read - it’s really cheered me up - I have only read about 1/4 of them as i want to save the rest … the one about having Frank sinatra on the music singing “and now the end is near and so I face the final curtain” made me cry with laughter …
just a question though (will star my rads after my 4 x Tax - have just done 4 xFEC) am I now understanding that the tatoos are permanent??? AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH???
I have never been a tattoo lover … if they are permanent then I suppose the only thing we can do is disguise them with a picture!!!
But what picture do you suggest Fizbix, my tatoos are both blue but lynnietom refers to two black heads - perhaps we ought to start a thread on the number / size / colour and shape of our tatoos. I also don’t like tatoos so I sometimes put a dab of makeup on them. I wonder if anyone makes a permanant maker in flesh tones - perhaps there would be a market for that. shall I patent the idea?
AnnaG Interesting Comments and ideas. Its only when we go through something and experience it for ourselves that we really know what its like. And of course with such understanding we are able to change the situation for others be it by passing information on to those with the power to change things or like you did by helping one other person. By one person helping another we have the potential to make a big difference. Comfort those with the comfort you have received etc. Keep up the good work.
Magsi x
Yes FizBiz, I’m afraid they are permanent! It’s done with Indian ink, they ‘nick’ the skin and dob a bit of ink on then mop it cos it bleeds a bit. They look like pin-head marks.
magsi - I don’t know about the colour, it’s black that looks blue if you get me?!!
AnnaG - I’d love to think I could use my experience to help others but it’s too raw at the moment and I’d be no use to anyone!
Did you see the Harlequins rugby match just? The refs were wearing bright pink shirts as it was supporting Breast Cancer Care - wicked!
Magsi, you are quite right, the tattoos are blue/black…Indian ink colour, but I still think they look like blackheads, 'orrible things! I can laugh about it now, but I was very upset when I had to have them. One in the centre of my chest (where my cleavage used to be - and it was a magnificent cleavage if I say so myself *sigh*) and one on each side. And YES FizBiz they are permanent, although I think a touch of laser treatment at the beauty salon may get rid of them.
Ann, I am having Herceptin (it’s administered intravenously) every three weeks at my hospital’s chemo unit, and so I am sitting there for a couple of hours with women who are just starting chemotherapy for bc. They can see that my hair is growing back, and that I am looking well and happy, and they are so pleased to chat with me and to realise that there is light at the end of a dark tunnel. Actually we all have a real giggle about things most of the time.
I think it helps enormously to swap stories, fears and triumphs, and all the little tips we pick up along the way that help us get through a very scary time, and as you say, this site is a lifesaver, but it is also comforting to actually meet people who have come out the other side.
I have lunch regularly with two ladies who started their treatment around the same time and at the same hospital as me, and that too has helped all of us to get through it together.
I refused tattoos as I didn’t like the idea of them. however, I have found out you can have them lasered off if you want. they like them so they know where the radiotherapy was done. for me they put a large black marker pen mark on my chest with some clear plastic sellotape over it which I had to keep dry for about two months as my radiotherapy planning session was months ahead of my radiotherapy. It was ok keeping it dry because I did not want to have tattoos under any circumstances. i’ve got enough scars and blackheads from acne, don’t need any more
power to the people we should say no instead of doing things we don’t like.
Really interesting to know that you can have them lasered off. I hated them at first for many reasons now my dislike is not as strong but I would still prefer them not to be there - must look into it. Thanks for info Mole
Well there I was today all ready and paying attention so I could come back and report on the music … only to discover that there was NO music today… their CD player was guffed!
Will try again tomorrow.
Tomorrow I get a treat as I am being send to the rads breast care nurse so she can ‘assess’ my skin … I’m hoping for a 9/10 but suspect I am going to get a fail!!!
HI all
so today we had the bluesbrothers and ‘the final countdown’ by bonjovi I think . Surely this is a joke ! but I suppose I could read into any piece of music.
I had a major blow out on my OH this week , time to hide the knives but he’s really just getting my pent up emotions . I really really lost it and suprised myself.
about the rads , I dont know how to feel when I go in , do I make polite conversation , smile ? At the mo its all very quick and a bit furtive and I just come out and think phew thats another one ticked off. different guy there today too just when I was getting used to the same faces. Anyone feel the same way ?
Thanks girls for a really good laugh about the music choices…going for the tattoos on Friday, really not looking forward, so glad to hear they can be lasered. Maybe will get used to them. Having had long hair most of my life, its been an experience having this head of really short hair. Evreybody says its really attractive, so think I’ll stick with it for now (think Judi Dench not Mia Farrow).
Anger - I’ve only had one big blow-up, poor OH took the full force. Yelled horrible things at him. Very sorry after.
Sorry to those of you who had brusque treatment from a few nurses, I have learned a hell of a lot about how to be a better nurse since being a patient. Tiredness often makes us like this, or sometimes we get a sort of ‘emotional burnout’ and being detached (which appears as cold) is a way of coping.
I think I’ll take Wagner ‘the ride of the Valkyries’ to listen to. Big strong bosomy ladies kicking a*rse!
Love to all of you, hope to talk again as the radiotherapy is a big unknown
Been for tatoos, they look like huge blackheads! staff were very kind and supportive, answered all my questions, didnt rush.
I’m sooooo tired, cant believe it, and feel very down and tearful today. Hope this thread keeps going, I dont feel like I belong anywhere, as if I have butted in on other peoples conversations and nobody wants to talk to me online.
Well, I’m lucky to have loving friends around me which many people dont have. Time to stop feeling sorry for myself!