Another cheer up thread

Public Archive
1

I haven’t done one for AGES so I pinched this off a friend to share with you all…

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of
her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?”

Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in
the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
3rd grade too!”

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principals office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would
give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was
to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and
he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Harry: “9.”
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Harry: “36.”
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd
grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can
go to the 3rd grade.”

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”

Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”

Ms Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: “Pockets.”

Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”

Harry: “Pants.”

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: “Coconut.”

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”

The principals eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer,
Harry replied, “Bubble gum.”

Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting
down and a dog does on three legs?”

Harry: “Shake hands.”

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means
a lot of heat and excitement?”

Harry: “Firetruck.”

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put
Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong…

Have a fun day everyone xxx

2

Hi Boo,

Thats brilliant!

Thanks for cheering me up big time!

Lynne.x

3

Cheers Boo

Very funny

Fiona

4

Brilliant Boo

Has cheered me up

Kim x

5

That’s great BabyBoo - Thanks!
Jo
xx

6

loved it - thanks

7

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are either male or female.

Below are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong ones.

TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over-inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under them.

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES: Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female, because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

8

Another funny that I pinched from my friend…

9

Another winner!
xx

10

Boo, you amaze me, you always manage to come up with some good funnies even though your going through a tough time.

Keep them coming…

karen x

11

WELL DONE BOO

12

A priest decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the priest reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - **Dead.**

The second worm in cigarette smoke - **Dead** **

Third worm in chocolate syrup - **Dead** **

Fourth worm in good clean soil - **Alive.**

So the priest asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?

Malcolm was sitting in the back, quickly raised his hand and said, “As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!”

That pretty much ended the service…

Kim x

13

HAHAHA!

14

This is one I’ve been sent from work-it amused me hope it doesn’t offend anyone

PHARMACOLOGY
>>
>>In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic
>>name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic
>>name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is
>>also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
>>
>>The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After
>>careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently
>>announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
>>Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin,
>>Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
>>
>>Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
>>liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
>>suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to
>>literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call
>>this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of
>>“cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff
>>drink”. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT
>>& DO (not Mountain dew).
>>
>>Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast
>>implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research. This means
>>that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky
>>boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to
>>do with them.

15

Hi All

I have closed this thread and ask if you would like to post jokes that you use Chit chat and fun as this is a more appropriate room.

Kind Regards
Sam
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care