Another One Bites The Dust

Hi Ladies

I am currently undergoing tests to find out what a 6cm mass on my right ovary is after having a routine ultrasound before oopherectomy and my beloved Hubbie of 5 years (been together 15 years this year) has decided I am so ugly he cant bear to have sex with me anymore so it calling it time on our marriage. He wants to stay friends and even looking like a holiday we have booked in October is still on the cards. I am reeling and ugly apparently!!!
S x

Oh custard, i am so sorry to hear you are having a difficult time with the other half. No you are not ugly he’s the one who needs help.

I have thought about you as we were dx at the same time and i can’t believe how not only does this disease mess with your head but its also a marriage recker!

Hope all goes okay with the ovary bits and bobs but don’t take any crap, im sure you wont from OH

Take care and hugs to you

Hi Custard

I’m so sorry about your double bad news and can only send you support (along with the 100’s that are bound to arrive shortly).

Did your OH actually say the words ‘you’re too ugly to have sex with’ or is that more about how you feel as he’s ‘calling it time’ because if he did say ‘you’re too ugly …’ then there’s no way you should even entertain being anywhere near him, let alone friends.

Lots of love and wishing you all the best (that’s all I can do but you know we’re all here). Cathy x

Hi custard dont really know you but was shocked to hear about your bad news.I have been married for 27years and I am getting blamed for my marriage breaking down.I think they forget the trauma we go through and never really know were free from "C"ourselves at any time.I am getting told to see the doc to get something to help my moods and temper but I think they forget they might be the cause!Hope things get better for you and he get his just rewards for his insensitivity.Good luck and take care.Joyce

the man is an idiot clearly - am so sorry you have to go through this on top of everything xxx

I’m so sorry to read your post,some men are just unbelievable ! Who does he think he is,hmm I bet you he’s not gods gift to women or an adonis personified. After what you have been through a bit of support and kindness woulnt go amiss. Whatever happened to “in sickness and in health,for better or worse…”.

And it’s true, he is the one that needs help. You are not ugly ,you have had your body and head messed with but you are still you and if he can’t see that then he isn’t worth the bother.Big hugs for you.

Sandra x

Oh custard, what a hideous man. As if you don’t have enough going on and to worry about.
Sending cyber hugs for your hurt feelings and your mass.


Big hugs to you. It’s surprising to me how many men find all of this so hard to deal with. The whole experience has shaken my marriage to its foundations too, but we’re just about hanging in there. I think. Well I am anyway, I’m not sure how he feels about it and I’m not quite strong enough to open that can of worms just yet.

I bet there aren’t many women who would give a monkeys if their partner’s body was altered by life-saving surgery, we’d still love the person inside and be thankful they were still alive with us. But there seem to be far too many juvenile creatures who can’t deal with change and, suddenly finding the world is not all about them, throw their toys out of the pram.


god custard your certainly not ugly, if he actually said those words to you then he is a total prat and worth nothing, tell him to stick the holiday right up his jacksy, you definately do not need this man in your life
everyone gets problems in their relationships, but this is really bad, has he always slagged you off or is it a recent thing, not that that excuses him, i’m just so shocked i know most men are are hopeless but this.
what age are you custard you look like a young woman, i was going to say plenty more fish in the sea, but i know you are going through too much turmoil in your life right now to think that.
please just consentrate on your health right now, i hope you have good friends and family to support you, you really need that.
thinking of you and thinking bad thoughts about that waste of space.

Oh! I am so angry! What kind of a man is he?
Get rid of him pronto. What an obnoxious manchild grr!
You CLEARLY deserve better than him darl.
I am so cross and pretty much speechless at such a outrage.

Sending you love and Good Karma and huge ((((HUGS)))
Sending him NOWT GRRR!!

Hi all

Thank you so much for the support, his actual words were “I just dont find you sexually attractive anymore and no amount of counselling with make you attractive to me again and I cant live my life thinking my sex life is just beginning and its over already” Im 41 and he is 39!!! He says he still loves me as a friend and wants to stand by me through the surgery for my oopherectomy.
The problem I have is I absoultely love my house its what got me through the whole thing in the first place so am going to see if we can stick it out living in separate bedrooms until the house prices rise a bit. Luckily its a 4 bedroom and we gave two sitting rooms too so can pretty much keep out of each others way if needs be. I am just concentrating on the results of my CT scan to find out what this mass on my ovary is. Got to break the news to mum tomorrow she is going to go mental with him if she gets her hands on him. Luckily we live miles away from her.
I am really lucky and all my girlies, both cyber and real world have circled the waggons so I do have support and on the every clud issue I have lost 10lbs in 4 days, cant face food at all…BONUS!!LOL
Will keep you posted. S x

Hi custard, what an awful thing to say to you, seems he is the one with the problem. Think of yourself and try to go forward, I know it is easy for others to say, you can do it you are still a young woman. Take care of yourself hope you get through your tests ok, love junieliz

Hi custard…

I have never posted to you before but I had to read through what you had written twice because I just could not beleive that a man could be that cruel and self centred. You are in no way ugly. Life has just dealt you a rough hand but not changed who YOU are. I wish I lived close to give you actual hugs and support but we are all here on the site if you need us.

Take Care


Hi Custard, in time you will be fit, healthy, blooming with gorgeousness…and a much stronger person than you are now.

I have a vision of you in the near future looking radiant, with a lovely new man and a lovely new life.

and him…old, sitting in a grubby bedsit drinking himself to oblivion (with any luck)…wondering where it all went wrong.

You look fan-blinking-tastic in your photo.
NEVER EVER EVER…let ANY man tell you that you are ugly.
what an a**hole he is.

Oooooohhhhh that has made me MAD Grrrrrrrrrrr…!!!

Maggie xx

(phew Im glad I got that off my chest) :wink:

Oh Custard,
What a nightmare,Men!,why is sex more important than love!I cannot imagine how anyone could say those things to someone they are supposed to love.
After BC we can feel disfigured and less attractive,the last thing we need is our men telling us we are too ugly for sex.
Take your time,think about what you will get/lose from staying in the same house and the problems it will cause.Because the last thing you need right now is more stress.
You are a very pretty girl and worth ten of him any day!
Make the most of your friends and family who truely value you as a person.
Concentrate on you and your health …to hell with him.

hi custard ,you are lovley both on the outside and inside ,hes the one with the problem !! Ive got everything crossed for you ,good luck and good health luv freda xxx

Hello Custard, like lots of others I can’t quite believe the crassness you have had to face. It must seem hard to believe right now, but the problem is your OH’s not yours. He clearly doesn’t understand what love and loyalty are about and his values are rubbish.
You, on the other hand are a pretty woman - and we have seen your photo, so we know! you also have good friends and family who do understand love and loyalty. We love a person, not a body, and the ‘perfection’ he seems to be looking for is found in a blow up doll - ie its not real. He needs to take himself off and have a good look at himself, if he is able, because he ain’t much of a man.
what an idiot he is!
I will be thinking of you, about your health and about your happiness. I’m glad you have good support - plenty more on here
take good care
love, Monica xxx

wot an ass he is, you are well rid of him or mabye he loves you too much and cant bear you going through more surgery and thats his weird way of dealing with it.

I have been lucky, my “boob” is not nice to look at but my hubbie doesnt have a problem with it, hopefully I dont have too much probs with it when I start radiotherapy next month.

Custard, you are going through enough and I cant believe he is treating you like this, I would tell him where to shove his holiday and go with one of your friends

take care and keep your chin up

Carol xx

Hello Custard, The moran is just a coward. You are better off without this millstone round your neck. You are not and never will be ugly. I know how it is to love your house but in the end it is just a house. You will I am sure find somewhere that will become a home, somewhere you will again be happy, fit and stressfree.


What a difference a day makes. He is still being a total TWAT!!! sorry for the swearing but needs must at this time. Thank you all for the words of support and the big ego boost too.
Has a flip out for the first time last night and told him to grow a pair and take responsibility for his actions. Turns out he has been on Facebooke at all times of the night so me thinks someone out there is giving him the confidence to get out there and move on.
Has a phone call from the gyne secretary today they want to see me again tomorrow for more blood tests and a chat so its not looking too good. I rang him to let him know as he asked me to but cut him off at the pass when he started talking about coming with me. Told him my Mum was coming with me and I have to get used to being without him eventually so now is a good a time as any. He has arranged to stay at a “FRIENDS” tonight to get his head together. Poor Lamb…not!!! Strangely he has taken his shaving stuff with him, he shaves about once in a blue moon!!!
Thanks again for all the lovely remarks the photo is quite recent about 7 months ago so it makes me feel so much better when my self esteem is at an all time low.
Will keep you in touch. Love Shonagh x