I have just joined this site. I am a nearly 68 years old retired professional and a widow living alone with no family to support me. Late last Summer I noticed a lump but was too scared to follow it up as I have a phobia about anything medical and was still in a grieving state due to losing my husband in late 2006.
The lump never bothered me until about November when I started to get stinging in my nipple and eventually a rash and scabbing. I kept putting it off until two weeks ago when I saw a female GP. She said she did not think it had spread and might be contained but that it was advanced and referred me to the hospital.
I had the consultation on Tuesday and the people were really nice and I had a Macmillan nurse with me and a long chat beforehand. No tests were done then and I am being referred to our Trust’s sister hospital for tests CT scan and core biopsy and these really terrify me after what I have read. I have been told the rash is infected with thrush and given a cream.
The nurse reassured me and said they hoped it could be treated with hormones if it proved to be hormone positive. But I saw my own GP yesterday and he was a little more blunt saying you cannot cure cancer only manage it. He also said I have had it a long time. Also today an old schoolfriend rang me and during the conversation told me terrible tales of her core biopsies a year ago (thank goodness her lumps were benign)and now I am so frightened I cannot go through with it. I was in such a state I had to phone my Macmillan nurse today, she called me back and tried to reassure me but I am really freaked out now.
I am suffering severe panic attacks and as I have a phobia about drugs and seem to have a few conditions contrary to Valium am too scared to take the Valium I was given. In these attacks I cannot breath but have been assured it is nothing to do with cancer although a bout of flu and a lingering cough I had over two months ago might not be helping. I have forgotten what a good night’s sleep is as well as discomfort and fright I live by a main railway line and trains keep waking me. I also get an achy leg where I have bad knee and I get restless legs. I cannot settle to watch TV and only feel safe and relatively comfortable sitting on my high back hard dining room chair in front of my cyber world running hobby forums and Yahoo groups or joining in ones I belong to. In the mornings I often panic and have to get here and log on to the web as fast as I can before I feel safe.I am desperately tired now but too scared to lie down because I know I will struggle to breathe. I have a history of anxiety illness.
The more I read about this thing the more scared I get. I am truly desperate. I have no fight in me and I am not sure I even want to fight this.
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums, you’ve come to the right place for support, the users of this site have a wonderful camaraderie and I am sure they will be along shortly and help you through this as they personally understand what you are going through.
Please do phone BCC’s helpline and have a chat with one the the staff here who are all all either breast care nurses or people who have personal experience of breast care issues. Calls to the helpline are free, 0808 800 6000 lines open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturday 9am - 2pm. BCC are here to support you.
If you need to talk to someone tonight then there is always the Samaritans who are also there to support you. Phone lines to the Samaritans are open 24 hours each day, 08457 90 90 90 I have also posted you the web link to their site.
Hi Maurie
You will get lots of support and the early days are the worst the unknown of what you are dealing with i am 45yrs dx in aug 08 with grade 2 ductal and 3 lymph glands infected i am now near the end of my chemo and will be starting my radiotherpy next and then hormone treatment and the girls on this site has helped.
Sending you a big Hug Poppet xx
Thank you for your comments. I am finding it hard being on here, the more I read the more scared I get, I really cannot cope and have been on the brink of a nervous breakdown since my husband died just over two years ago. When I went for my appointment at the hospital on Tuesday it was the first time I went there since he died and I found that hard to cope with.
I cannot believe that the tough professional woman who sat on committees and was so confident and arranged my husband’s funeral and sorted his affairs single handed and was his carer for years has been reduced to this apology for a human being. I am ashamed of myself. I look haggard and ugly and cannot be bothered to dress, wash or do my hair and I have not dyed my hair for so long it is nearly all grey now. I only dress to go and get food in my car and then I have panic attacks and my bra hurts me. On really bad days and if it is not too cold or raining I have to use my husband’s old power chair.
I blame the cancer on the fact that I got absolutely no support not even from Cruse when my husband died and also blame a huge and ugly four block seven storey housing development right next door which drove me mad with the noise and number of workmen some blocking our drives with their vehicles and also on the trains that run all night and wake me up. I bet there were carcinogens on that building site which is now partially occupied and one tenant committed arson there. I read on the planning dept website they had left some arsenic in the ground where it was being built over.
Being diagnosed with cancer seems to be very like being bereaved, shock, numbness, anger, disbelief etc. sometimes all at once.
I am going to do some phoning tommorow helplines and my Macmillan nurse.
Hi Maurie, you have def come to the right place .every one of us here has been where you are now. I have found being on here such a help and support. I was dianosed only two weeks ago yet it feels like a lifetime ago.
Have learned so much in that time, I was sent to a clinic to have a lump looked at,ended up with mammogram,ultasound,needle biopsy and core biopsy, now believe me I’m the biggest wuss around,I don’t like hospitals,needles,pain…however, they told me my lump looked very suspicious and I had to find out what was going on. It really isn’t that bad having those tests done,honest.They led us to believe the news wouldnt be good and had that confirmed 48 hrs later.
I just feel that yes I have got cancer so what do I need to do to get rid of it,step by step with the help of others,especially on here I will there,got my op in 11 days time and just want to get on with it.
Help advice information humour and care,you will find it all here, don’t ever think you are alone. You are a woman,you have been touched by this,you are one of us and we look after our own. Good days and bad,we are here. Oooh, Im def having a positive day today,but when I’m not I know someone here will help pick me up brush me down and hold my hand.
Hope this helps you,take care,big hugs.
Thank you Sandra, you sound a very positive person and yet you were diagnosed about the same time the GP first told me I had cancer. I felt OK after talking to the Macmillan nurse but the panic set in again yesterday and a lady I went to Convent school with in the 40s/50s phoned me today and went into some detail about her core biopsy and has really freaked me out. Also my GP yesterday talking aboiut you cannot cure cancer only manage it. My Macmillan nurse said GPs especially the old ones don’t always know and tried to reassure me but could not.
The nurses and ultasound doc that dealt with me couldn’t have been nicer,I told them how rubbish I would be and might cry and shout and swear but he just said as long as I don’t kick and bite then they don’t mind too much ! I just went la la la la la la that was just til they put the local anisthetic in,and that was right next to my nipple,then after that diidnt feel a thing.
Your doc needs a kick up the backside, send him on here and we will sort him out, his attitude is hardly very helpful. There are plenty that come out the other end. It’s the start of a journey , my daughters are 12 and 10, I can be positive because I know it helps them too, was always a glass half full rather than half empty sort of person. Part of the battle is the one that goes on in your head, knowledge is power, and you will get plenty of info on here for whatever is worrying you,no question too big or small.
HI Maurie,
So sorry to hear that you have been DX with BC but welcome to this wonderfull site where i know you will get lots of advice and support from all the ladies here.
I remember when i was first diagnosed and how very scarey it all was, everything seemed very sureal at the time ,it is a huge shock and its only natural that you are feeling anxious and scared.
Like you i had a bit of a phobia about drugs and hadnt taken any pills for over 20 yrs.
Please dont listen too much about other peoples expierences because as well meaning as they proberly are ,one thing i have learned is that we are all different and all cope with things differently. Also try not to read to much on the internet right now as it can be frightning and isnt always accurate.This site is very good and has some exelent publications which will help .
Please try not to worry about the core biopsys , as they will numb the area before and its very quick ,i can honestly say it didnt hurt me and i had 4 .As for the Ct scan that was also ok a lot easier then i had imagined , the Ct is shaped like a big polo mint and you just lay on a table while you go through the scanner ,your are not in a tunnel so is not at all claustrophobic.
I know its a terrifying time for you right now but you will get through this and as soon as you have your treatment plan things will start to feel better.
Sorry your Gp was a bit blunt , no there isnt a cure for breast cancer but there are many many treatments available and many many people do go on to live long full lives.
I was DX july 2007 and had surgery/chemo/radiation and now on Tamoxifen and i can honestly say i was terrified but if i can do it anyone can honest.
Try and take the valium if it helps, panick attacks are horrible and they may help you to relax a bit. Come on hear whenever you need to there is always someone hear to chat to and who understands what you are going through.Take things one step at a time ,and try not to look to far ahead i know you proberly cant see it now but you will find the strenght to get through this.
All the best hugs (((((((((0))))))))
Lindiloo x
hi maurie
i am appalled at your dr saying that breast cancer cannot be cured, i am appalled that he chose to tell you this immediately you were told you had cancer.
im not a doctor and i dont care what any doctor says, i believe i will be cured of my breast cancer. yes there may be small cells hiding somewhere after treatment and yes there may be some people who have incurable cancer but who appointed him the prophet of doom. god i would love to give him a good slap.
if he wanted to be helpful he could have given you this info.
Survival rates
It’s difficult to pronounce breast cancer cured, because secondary breast cancer can appear ten or 20 years later after tiny cells lying dormant in the liver, bones or elsewhere become active.
After five years without disease the chances of a recurrence are very small
However, if breast cancer is going to come back it usually does so within the first two years, and after five years without disease the chances of a recurrence are very small.
Wtih better screening and new treatments, there has been a steady improvement in survival rates for breast cancer for the past 20 years.
Women diagnosed in the early 1970s had a 52 per cent chance of surviving for five years
Women diagnosed between 2001 and 2003 have an 80 per cent chance.
this is not a death sentence and i refuse to accept it as one. i will beat this and maurie believe in yourself. we are all here for you.
well said girls!! Maurie - me too can vouch for the core biopsy bit - no pain at all and I was dreading it - I was so surprised they kept asking me if it hurt etc but I felt nothing except a bit of a sting with the local needle - and I was freaked out as they were doing it on my good side to biopsy an area after I’d been diagnosed! Take it day by day, one day you’ll feel really crappy but then you might have a much better day the next, and sometimes it is a case of 3 steps forward and 1 back - thats the nature of this horrible thing. Plus you have had such a traumatic time recently with your husband that it feels even more raw - but this is you now and you need to allow yourself time to be naffed off about it, fearful & scared and positive too eventually - I was a wreck for nearly a week when I was diagnosed, I couldn’t watch tv as everything was about people dying, funerals, sad things, cancer fullstop. I still watch soaps and think boob envy when I see a “normal” woman and still think “ha, lets see how strong you are when you get bc” because we relate everything to it and what we’re going through. I hope you have some good friends you can talk too that I’m sure will be only too keen to help you talk thru things or help out physically etc etc. I also rang the helpline although I can’t say I talked much - I listened and blubbed, it was the first day after diagnosis I was on my own and I felt so lonely and just wanted to hear a voice…take care, you’ll get there even if it doesn’t feel like you will now, and talk n rant away here too!! Mary x
i can honestly say the biopsy isnt painful. i have needle phobia and the only thing i felt was slight sting when local anaesthetic went in and then the actual biopsy was just noisy - bit like a stapler noise which made me jump but no pain whatsever!
don’t listen to scare mongerers - just change the subject.
Also new to this website and had posted a thread on another part of the forum (not sure if you are allowed to do that).
Especially for Maurie, like you, I am absolutely terrified by all of this. I have just been to discuss my treatment with Oncology and I am so scared, and anxious, but first of all, let me assure you, that there is nothing to the core biopsy, daisy and all our other friends are right, having your ears pierced is loads worse.
I will come back on to this link if i am allowed to post on 2 topics.
Hi everyone & sorry you’ve had to join us Maurie, if one good thing comes out of this awful disease, is you make some good friends here.
Just come home after the lumpectomy, I had that thingy done the day before the op’ where they inject 4 lots of dye into your nipple (ouch!!!) to find the sentinel node. Had Sentinel lode removed along with the lump & clearance. THE SENTINEL WAS CLEAR!!! have to wait 3 weeks for results of the rest. Bit sore & woozy (drugs are great over here!!!) I was so worried having treatment here in Spain but I have to say they were fantastic, seemed like they really knew what they were doing, state of the art equipment.
it is strange I already feel better now ““the lump”” has gone
I am sorry to know that you also ended up here. No doubt with many responses you would feel that you are not on your own.
Just a suggestion …If your phobia about medication and treatmet is getting in the way of your cancer treatment (as you are no doubt aware that we all need to go through tests, needles, long term medication) perhaps you need to try hypnotherapy. If you can find one who is qualified, registered and accredited. It would probably help much with your phobia or other emotional problems. You’ve probably heard that many people received help to combat various phobias (spiders, creepy crawlies, or flying).
just wanted to catch up with you. how are things going. please keep on posting anytime you can. sometimes its good just to talk to other people. you can talk about anything here, you can ask questions or just say how you are feeling or generally whats going on in your life. if you ever read any of my posts on other forums you see that i tend to prattle on about just anything. i do have great support here at home but i also enjoy talking to the other people here who know exactly how im feeling. dont ever feel alone. and if you want to send a private message to me feel free.
There is no doubt this is a terrifying, confusing time. Keep talking to the breast clinic people. Your GP doesn’t sound like the person to be giving you advice on cancer at this point as he doesn’t seem to understand how upsetting this is for you. I had a tumour with no spread. It’s out now. Oh, the biopsy was a breeze. Local anaesthetic is a wonderful thing. Everybody’s right, ear piercing is worse, and it’s not that sore either. Anyway, tumour out, I’m on follow up treatment to blast any cancer cell that might have got away and to stop any more starting up, and as far as I’m concerned when I get the two year all clear, I’m cured. If it comes back in 10 years, 20, 30, it’s another tumour, another bout with cancer, but it’s not this one, this one is cured. I’m totally with Martina on this.
The other advice about not reading too far ahead here or on the internet is also good, particularly if you are very scared as you describe. You’re in a lot of shock and distress just now, and some things you read are, yes, very scary. But they won’t necessarily apply to you at all. Everybody has a different journey through this, but most of us have a fairly similar experience and it’s perfectly able to be coped with.
Please use us for support. Just pick a thread you’re comfortable with - this one, seeing as it’s yours :), and stay there until you feel strong enough and know more about your own results and treatment to start finding out more.
Keep in touch Maurie.
Carole
Magel, good to hear it went well. Relax and rest up now.
hi Magel, so glad your operation went well and you are feeling positive about things. Thanks also for the message you sent me, I did send you one back, but to be honest I am still trying to find my way around the site so not sure you got it. Nell x