Hi, I’ve never posted anything on a forum before but I would just love to hear if there is anyone out there who has similar feelings to mine. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 years ago and had lumpectomy and radiotherapy , I started tamoxifen but had nasty skin reaction so had to stop, had ovaries removed to reduce oestrogen levels so went into early menopause . ?Since then I’ve struggled on and off with the absolute dread that the b#!!*# will rear it’s ugly head again at some point. My last routine ultrasound showed enlarged lymph nodes, after biopsies showed no cancer cells but some odd white cells I was referred to haematologist, they decided I needed urgent CT scan, I was terrified that it was lymphoma, anyway that came back ok but showed something on cervix so had emergency appt next day for cystoscopy, that looked normal. So , whilst all the tests are ok I am now suffering with such awful anxiety and I feel like I’m crazy for feeling like this 3 years down the line! Sorry it’s such a long post! Hope there might be someone out there who has similar feelings .?
Hi Nin
First of all a big hug coming your way. I too was diagnosed 3 years ago - I had also never used a forum before diagnosis, but I found this one soon after and it was a real lifeline. I hope you will find support and comfort too.
You are absolutely not crazy for feeling as you do - if you look on previous chats you will see loads of posts about anxiety. So please be reassured that what you are feeling is totally normal - not fun, but normal.
I was diagnosed in December 2016 and have my annual mammogram coming up soon. I always get more anxious at this time of year, the dark evenings and cold weather don’t help either, it reminds me of that horrible time. I can totally relate to how you are feeling, ups and downs and the lurking fear that it might return. There was a great post a while back about “the fear goblin” sitting on our shoulders - and how we need to tell that fear goblin to get back in its box where it belongs.
There is also a good book (recommended by Oldspice on here) called The Cancer Survivor’s Companion by Frances Goodhart and Lucy Atkins that might help. One of the key lessons is that “thoughts aren’t facts. A worried thought is just your interpretation, it is NOT a fact”.
I had some counselling which really helped, so I wonder if you could look into that? She helped me to try to stay in the moment.
I’m very happy to chat some more on here or via a private message if you feel more comfortable that way. I know I saved a helpful post some time back - I’ll try to find it and send it when I do.
Hugs, Evie xx