Anxiety after treatment

I have always been a worrier and anxiety has been worse through and since BC . I am on anti D’s and have engaged myself in new hobbies. My son however has just dropped a bombshell on me , he and his Polish wife are moving to Poland end of year with my grandaughter, who was born whilst going through my first stage of chemo(was hospitalised at the time) I know you will all feel I amm being selfish but my one goal in life was to see her growing up and know I will only see her about a couple of times a year, also there is another baby due Oct. I am feeling so scared about losing her , funny thing is I had a good relationship with daughter in law before cancer. However during my chemo (my onc would not let me leave the country) they had a wedding blessing and little one baptised in Poland and I do’nt think she has ever forgiven me for not going and she is very distant towards me. I really feeel I am gonna crack up and my other fears and phobias are exagerated whilst under stress. Need a friend.
Love Bobbiexx

Bobbie

Sorry to hear that your son and his wife are moving to poland, I suppose its not that suprising as she is polish, but it is sad for you.

The good side is - its really not that far, you could see her q

quite alot if you can travel by plane, and although I do appreciate the costs add up if you can stay with family that helps alot.

As a daughter in law myself, I know that I would really appreciate this - why dont you have her round or call her up and just say how much you value your time with her and the family, what a pleasure your grandaughter is for you, what a good job she is doing, and how you would like to be part of that in the future, tell her you regard her as a daughter or a friend. I am sure she will appreciate it, you can ask her if she has been upset with you, but probably she is not, she is probably scared you are angry with her now,

You can maintain a good relationship from a distance - but you may have to be very open with her and very kind. Anyway these are just ideas, I hope you get on OK.

Cathy

Hi there

I think how you’re feeling is totally understandable. I notice that you said the little was born while you were having chemo. Perhaps your daughter in law is distant now because of all the change in her life rather than because she is angry with you? Perhaps she feels guilty about them moving to Poland so is more distant for that reason?

I do think you should talk to her and your son. You could say how disappointed you were not to make the christening and blessing and how you hope you will be able to go the christening of the baby they are expecting and see their new home in Poland. It will be hard to see them leave but the best must surely be to maintain a good relationship so you feel welcome at each other’s houses etc.

Have you got Skype? Incase you haven’t heard of it, it’s free and means that with a small webcam you can talk to and see each other over the internet - it’s just like having a phone conversation but with the added bonus of seeing each other on the computer screen. Being able to see family in this way can be really good and my husband and i have found this helpful.

love, elinda x

Hi Bobbie

You must be feeling awful with this news after all your treatment and as you say the constant anxiety that goes with it. Is it definite that they are going? Or might their plans fall through?

I know its not much comfort at this time but Poland isnt very far away and there are still several cheap flights around.

I dont know if you are working but maybe there will be opportunities for you to go out for a few weeks at a time to help with your lovely new grandchildren.

Best wishes to you from Judy

Hi Judy Thanks for getting back to me . It is not written in concrete but I am sure my son will go because his wife is not happy here and she should and does come first. I have problems with travelling due to a breakdown years ago when I became severely agoraphobic, my OH is being bloody minded at present and saying things like if they are think we are gonna run over there every few minutes they can think again. So I am betwixt the devil and the deep blue sea as it were. I will probably cope when it happens , I have got through a lot of pooh in my life and I’m still here.
Kindest regards Bobbie

corsa

im so sorry your feeling low at the moment, i do know what your going through i had a breakdown about 15 years ago, and i know the feelings both emotionally and physically that go with that.

i understand you would not feel up to travelling at the moment, but maybe your son and his wife will return often and see you.i know a lot of polish people who visit home regularly so flights cant be too expensive.
and dont feel you will never do these things because years ago i wouldnt have but today i do most things and am more serene than ever.

but it did take me a lot of hard work to get were i am, doing one thing at a time, and trying to get back to a normal life.

try to take one day at a time, sometimes the things we worry about arnt as bad as we think

look after yourself. x

Dear everydaymatters, Thank you for your for your comments. I think
a breakdown is liken to a cancer of the mind and i would not wish it on the devil himself, it’s good to know that someone knows how I feel. I have not become serene YET but I am trying to let things go and not worry about the home dust etc. I thought I was doing so well before cancer , like you it was hard work. However during and since cancer it has certainly shaken my confidence again. I have had a good prognosis and BC is not constantly on my mind, it shook me to the core I think we are a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for. If my son and his family go it is not the end of the world to travel to and I will make it. Selfishly hope they can settle a bit more here though. Also this message is for Elinda , Judy & Katherine M . My d-in-law is very homesick , I have not told them I am upset but I will miss them, I am trying to keep my fears to myself as it is’nt fair on them . I think my d-in-law had a bout of post natal depression and I could not be there for her as I was going through chemo. This cancer has a lot to answer for, I get so angry about it but have a friend age 42 who is dying and I realise how lucky I have been
((((hugs)))) Bobbiex
How far are you all down the line from finishing your treatment