Anybody else felt like this?

Hi,
I have just returned from the Oncologist with good news, the area I was concerned about is just oedema as he thinks that some of the lymphatic vessels were damaged during surgery and the radiotherapy has compounded matters.
Instead of feeling happy when I got home I feel very emotional as I had convinced myself of the worst case scenario and how I was going to get over it and return to full health.
Now I feel cheated - is that weird?
When I was diagnosed a year ago everything was unexpected and action happened so quickly that I feel as though it happened to someone else as I had no control over events. Diagnosis, surgery, radiotherapy, medication and get on with your life. Check ups are all clear - nothing to worry about.
My hubby has been great, but he’s old school army, If you’re ill, get diagnosed take your medcine, pick yourself up and get on with it. Black and white - no grey.
Looking back on the last four years we have gone through a lot. my mum died of cancer, a favourite aunty died of cancer, my mum in law died, and then I was diagnosed and treated. During the time of my treatment my son was diagnosed with clinical depression and has been off work for a year and has now been made redundant. He lives at home and though I love him dearly I have had no space.
It would easy to say Life Sucks.
I feel very emotional at the moment, I’m trying to lose the weight I have put on with Tamoxifen but it’s a slow job.
I feel better having vented!!
I am going to book myself on a Healthy Living day and take the opportunity to get away by myself for a couple of days.
So thank you for reading to the end.
Love to everyone,
Gill

Hi Gill, i honestly think that we should go through cognitive behaviour therapy after breast cancer, we fear the worse then feel cheated, you are so spot on with that, i have felt that too, and then you feel guilty for feeling cheated in the first place!!! its a right catch 22 situation that we find ourselves in. like you i have a great husband and kids, but crave the ME time so much that i actually go out of my way to find an excuse to escape!!! but i think its normal for us to feel like this at times, i used to think i’d lost it mentally, now i give myself a bit of slack on the mental issues that i seem to have at times.
lots of love
Alisonxxx

Hi Gill,

I am glad you posted, you are right sometimes just getting this written down or speaking to a person outside of the family helps no end.

I too have had a range of emotions, one being I will beat this and show the world it can be done, yet on the other side of the spectrum I have felt that the end will come fast so I want to talk about my funeral plans. I am sorry to hear about your son, clinical depression must be an awful drain on you all especially at a time when you are all ready running on empty.

Enjoy your Healthy Living Day, some real ‘me time’.

Take care

Carol

Hi,
Thank you for the kind replies.
I fel so much better now and think that just getting it off my chest has been healing.
My son is a lot better and actively seeking a new career. I know he’ll be really successful because that’s the sort of young man he’s become.
It’s just the luck of the draw.
Keep smiling everyone which is what I’m going to do.
Love
Gillian