Anyone feel like this - help!

Hi All

I am now 2 years since dx and feel like I am going mad. I have tried oh how I have tried to “move on” but feel as bad as ever.

All my friends and family have been brill but they are now getting really cross with me because they say " I won’t help myself".

I think every ache and pain is cancer and have nearly taken residence at my GP’s with different pains and even she has said " I need to get it into perspective " Easy for her to say me thinks.

I have friends who have had bc and are years down the line and NEVER go on the internet or think about it and they seem to do a lot better than me.

My onc says I have to break the cycle of thinking every pain is cancer and stop obssessing about it.

I just want to get up one morning and think “Right that’s it - no more” but I can’t. HOw do others manage it I want to know because I know a lot of people who do.

Any ideas?

Love to all

Alise x

Hi Alise,

One morning, try thinking about your family, job, other people, etc. Either something to do with your life that is positive or think about someone other than you. Just try and good luck!

Margaret x

Hi Alise,
I’m sorry you’re feeling stuck right now. I happened to be talking to a friend yesterday who is a CBT therapist (cognitive behaviour therapist) about people taking charge of their own lives, and also discussing life coaching. I read a couple of articles in a magazine a few years ago about life coaching, and it really helped me identify what I love doing and what I want to achieve with my life. I just wonder if either of these would help you to move away from the BC and give you a new lease of life…
The other thing might be some form of counselling, if you feel there are unresolved issues/feelings/losses, and there are loads of places you can get it. You could start with your GP or BC nurse, or local cancer centre.
Do you keep busy, or have you got too much time to think about it? I know I start to spiral down given too little to do…
I wish you well
Jacquie

I think it will definitely pass, it just takes longer with some people than with others. It’s taken me ages. I am 3 years past DX and think about it every day but no longer think every ache is possible mets. In fact I had such bad depression after I’d finished treatment I almost wished it would come back and put me out of misery. Heresy I know but it’s how I felt.

You WILL dwell less on it with time. Prognoses are miles better than they used to be.
Sue

Are you high risk or low risk of recurrence? Sometimes I think knowing the facts about your own breast cancer helps to get the fears in perspective. Knowing your risk (in general terms) isn’t a predictor of what will happen to you but it could be helpful. Being scared is a perfectly reasonable response to a cancer diagnosis…if the people around you can’t acknowledge that then I think that makes it harder for you.

I have found counselling useful. There is nothing worse than people telling you you shouldn’t be feeling as you do and a good counsellor will give you space to talk and be heard.

best wishes

Jane

Hello everyone, I fully understand this thinking about it every day thing as I know I do. Everyone thinks I am being very brave ‘stoic’ was the word someone used but really it is a face and I do tend to think every little thing is something significant. My GP sent me for a scan (private hospital) a few weeks ago - didn’t really ask me any questions regarding the symptoms so now I think if I say anything at all to him he will just suggest that again. I would not want to keep going for scans for all sort of reasons. Leaves you in a bit of limbo.

I have posted on behalf of new user Dani
Kind Regards
Katie

Hi,

I too, up until recently have been petrified about the cancer coming back…my oncologist however has helped me to put the various aches and pains into perspective. Try to assess your pain by looking at a) if its a dull ache or a shocking pain and b) if it fades away or its persistent and gets worse. Obviously if its the latter you should go and get checked out and see if its anything to worry about but until that point there’s little point thinking about it. Ultimately a persons mind, body and soul is all connected and if your mind is not healthy neither will your body. I think everyone owes it to themselves to try and stay as positive as possible. Doubtless this is much easier said than done but I’m trying to understand my body and its ache and pains in order to be one step closer to managing my fear. I hope this helps in some way. Good luck!

Hi Dani

I agree with you that a person’s mind, body and soul are all connected but it’s not always as easy, as you say, to stay positive.

I have always been a ‘positive’ person in the bigger sense of the word and I think people, unwittingly place a lot of pressure on people to ‘stay positive’.

I’ve now got secondaries but it’s not because my mind wasn’t healthy - I think it’s probably always been on the cards for me as I have a strong family history. What does get me through though on a day to day basis is feeling good about myself regardless of the situation I’m in (plus feeling well at the moment makes a huge difference).

I used to have loads of people say to me that I have to stay positive (have lived with breast cancer for 12.5 years) so I ended up asking them if they are positive all the time and I think they were a bit taken aback and said ‘no’ so I said how did they think that I could achieve that then! I know they meant well but there’s just so much hype about using the word ‘positive’ - I like to think that I have goals or aims to achieve which, in turn, improves my mind, body, soul, etc.

You’re right about your oncologist putting your aches and pains into perspective - we don’t have the normal markers that people who haven’t had a diagnosis have so it’s really normal to worry about them but not getting it out of perspective.

It’s as you say as well that you’re trying to understand your body - I know what I can and can’t do and I too decide on whether that particular ache or pain is connected to my disease or is it something else.

Good luck to you as well

Pinkdove
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