was having a few minutes of upset the other night and txt my bcn to ask about councelling andshe will refer me, does anyonehave it? does it help?am not usually one to ask for something like this but i just dont want to burden my family,i have a great family and 3 amazing kids(am single after being widowed)so my hubby not around for support,i have been upset couple times to family but then feel so guilty for putting on them,my eldest daughter is pregnant too.ALSO how do we deal with the guilt thatwe may have passed this on to our daughters .i hate to even think of it…maybe offloading on a neutral party will ease the anguish love to you all rachel x
Hi Rachel
Although I do not usually open up to strangers, I have talked to a counsellor on and off throughout my treatment and found her very supportive and helpful. You can pretty much say anything you like without being judged and it can really help to sort things out in your mind.
I say nothing ventured nothing gained…
DaisyGirl xx
Hi Rachel
I had counselling from a specialist psychotherapist from the nhs and she was great, really helped me to get a more helpful perspective. I know what you mean about daughters - its a tough one.
I would definitely recommend it. It didn’t change anything big, but it helped me make small adjustments in my thinking and the effects have been long lasting.
hope things work out xxx
Hi Rachel
Yes I’ve had counselling. It helped emormously. My counsellor was from our local hospice and was excellent. Sometimes it helps just to speak everything out to someone. Give it a go. You’ve nothing to lose. You might feel much better for it.
Love to you.
Jan xxx
I’ve signed up for a few counselling sessions.
I have also signed up for hypnotherapy through the Macmillan centre. What I want to get out of the HT is to:
- Feel more positive - I’m normally a glass-half-full person and this despair that I sometimes feel is awful.
- I would also like to make sure that the anger that I feel about Bloody Cancer is not mis-directed to my OH.
- Thirdly, I feel very unattractive just now; long hair gone, going to loose a boob, then 5 years of hormones to drain away the last shred of my oestrogen/femininity. You can see why I need help to think more positively!
If I tell myself that this therapy is going to help me, then it will.
Hi Rachel
I have been having counselling through the cancer care centre at my hospital. I have never had any kind of therapy or counselling before so to be honest I wasn’t sure if I wanted/needed it or if it could help, but then I decided I might as well take anything offered and just see!
I have found it a relief and a help to be able to say things to her that would be terribly distressing for my loved ones to hear, without having to worry about her getting upset, as I might do with them. As well as a listening ear she has given me lots of coping tips and some practical advice too. For instance before I was seeing some work colleagues for the first time she helped me with what I was going to say to them. At the end of the day I still have had BC which is a distressing experience and she cannot change that, but I do feel it is helpful and would recommend giving it a go. I don’t think it can hurt but if you do feel it is not for you then you don’t have to keep going.
Very best wishes to you (and everyone) xxx
Hi
I see a psychologist who specialises in cancer patients. She is worth her weight in gold. It is like an enormous relief to just say all the things I don’t want to worry my family and friends with. She helps me put things into perspective and stop getting into a negative mindset. When I come out I feel so much better.
It is not for everyone, but it is definately worth a try.
Good luck
Debx
Yep have had some counselling provided by my employer as initially I hoped to go back to work after my secondary dx; have now settled on early retirement and am very settled with that decision after some tricky months. I’ve found it wonderful to off load on someone as I do try to protect family and friends about my deep feelings about BC… As I said to the counselor, “I feel I can say anything to you a you are paid to do this job and have the professional skills to cope…” - and I do and that included very emotional things that I’ve cried about with them (have seen 2 as one left for another job) . It has helped me - they’ve always asked probing questions that give me things to think about and strategies to try (including EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique that’s a self-help type of pressure of acupuncture meridians that works of emotional and physical issues). I find having the space to just think about me useful.
It probably depends on the counselor as well as you in terms of effectiveness - but, as others have said, worth a try.
Best wishes
Fran
I’ve just had one session so far. It was helpful but I was a bit apprehensive beforehand adn was keeping an eye on the clock throughout the session because I was worried about ending up in floods of tears as the session was supposed to be finishing. As it was, I didn’t cry.
I just think of the counselling as another available treatment - this one to treat the mind, rather than the body.
Hi Nottsgal
You did very well not to cry.
At my first counselling session I cried for the full hour. Felt a complete idiot but it really did me good and I felt so much better afterwards. I think the last session I was OK but I cried at some point at every other session.
Sometimes it’s the best way to release all the pent up emotions and stress. I’m not really a crying person, more stiff upper lip.
Jan xx
Agree Nottsgal - and treating the mind treats the body too; they are so interlinking. I’m sure that trying to minimize my worries I keep my hormones level so my body then copes with BC better - I know some claim there’s not definitive evidence of this but I’m fully in tune with holistic approaches and think the NHS is moving that way too.
I’m a great believer that crying is a healing process at many levels too - it often releases tension - so I decided not to worry about if I cried with the counselor (they always have tissues ready so are used to this emotional response) and often didn’t. There’s nothing to worry about in showing emotions with a counselor - it helps to have this safe release sometimes.
I think it’s worrying that in our society we still have hangups about the emotional dimensions of our lives. BC is really hard to cope with for most of us - we need every bit of help we can get.
Jan - just read your posting - so glad you found it helpful - I’ve always been a “cryer” but have finally reached the stage in life where I accept this and don’t apologise for it either - I just tell people " I’ve always been a cryer"!
Hi Jan and Frances, I agree that the best time to cry would be at a counselling session rather than on my own or when hubby is there. I think I was too nervous about the whole thing. I have my next session on Weds and the counsellor wants to talk about me setting boundaries when I go back to work. She thinks I try to please other people too much and this is why previously I used to work 60+ hour weeks. I also hate my body at the moment, so hopefully she can help me accept it has to be like it is until recon in the dim and distant future.
Hi Nottsgal
I think it’s a woman thing to try and suit as many people as possible sometimes at a huge cost to ourselves. It’s very difficult if that’s your personality. I also think it’s very hard for women to put themselves first which we should do when we have BC and all the treatments to go through.
My issues were about the lack of support from my husband and the breakdown of my marriage. Mainly I was trying to understand his bullying behaviour and why he preferred the company of other women. The counselling made me realise that I didn’t need to understand why he did what he did, just how it affected me and what I needed to do to deal with it.
The issues that BC brings up are so complex and sometimes shake us to the core. Talking it out to someone who is trained and experienced is sometimes the only way we can sort things out.
I accept that it’s not for everyone but I wouldn’t hesitate to have more counselling if I felt I needed it.
Love to everyone who is dealing with difficult issues.
Jan xxx
I have recently started having counselling and it’s been very helpful. I had to arrange counselling myself, nothing was offered by my hospital. I see a bereavement counsellor because my prognosis is terminal. She has helped enormously with helping me focus not he hard stuff like making funeral arrangements and a memory box for my son, and she also givers me the space to say what I feel about everything and anything. It’s worth giving counselling a go, treating the mind and emotions is every bit as important as attacking the cancer.
Jan, I’m sorry to hear about the breakdown of your marriage. It is a hard thing to accept and instinct is to keep trying to put the relationship right - impossible if the other half of the relationship isn’t equally committed to making it right. You’re right about it being hard to put ourselves first: in my case I don’t, and then get frustrated that other people don’t put me first either.
Cat, that’s feeble that your hospital doesn’t offer anything. So sorry that you find yourself in the position you are. Makes my worries seem so trivial.
Nottsgal
You are so right that we do try to keep the relationship on the rails, maybe for the wrong reasons sometimes. The cracks had been papered over and over but in the end when the big challenge came the paper just wasn’t strong enough. The strange thing is that I spent years trying to understand my husband and work out why he did the things he did. When I had counselling I realised that it wasn’t about him but about me. Now I understand him very well and can’t understand why I put up with him for so long!!
Cat, I’m sorry that you are having such a difficult time. You are so right that it is important to treat the mind and emotions. I’m pleased that you are finding so much support from your counsellor. It doesn’t seem right to me either that you had to arrange your own counselling.
Love to you both.
Jan xx
Hi guys
I’ve had to arrange counselling for all my family. My son is only five and in the reception class at school. He was struggling with his emotions and his class teacher was hopeless and not understanding why my kid could be emotional at times. In fact, he was quite a bully, so when my son did something naughty that was out of character from him, he was really treated badly at school, put on the thinking chair all day, stood in front of the class who were told he was a nasty boy, excluded at lunch and play times, and sent to the headmaster. I went mad and spoke to Surestart who helped to arrange a meeting with a bereavement counsellor, the lady I now see. She sorted help for my son at school, and got the bullying teacher on to a bereavement training course. She is a lovely and caring lady and has even helped sort counselling for my husband who had been offered CBT by our GP, which was useless because the counsellor there told my husband he had to change his way of thinking about my illness, and didn’t believe himmwhen he told her that I was dying of cancer.
It’s sad that there isn’t always help available for people living with cancer, but it is possible to get it, you just have to stick with it and be persistent.
hi cat , can i have 10 mins with your little boys teacher i would show him a bully the pig,they have no clue what goes on in a childs mind x
oh and thankyou all for your comments hope sessions will help me too x