Hello ladies
This is the first thing I’ve written on here, despite lurking for almost a week now. I too am awaiting my breast clinic appointment, and know only too well the rollercoaster of emotions, fears and worries.
In my case, one of my breasts has been looking a little different than usual for a while, although not dramatically so, just a bit fuller on one side than usual, and sitting a bit differently on my body (if that doesn’t sound too bonkers!). Last week I began having some breast pain and discomfort in that side, which prompted me to do a long overdue proper feel - although to be fair, I’m never exactly sure I’m doing that properly anyway! I found an area that I can only describe as a thickening, just didn’t feel right at all, and was sore to touch. I saw GP this week, who confirmed she could not only feel the thickening I had felt, but also 2 lumps as well, she put in an urgent referral to the breast clinic there and then.
My heart was all over the place at that point, I’d been half thinking (and very much hoping) she’d have a check and tell me not to be daft, that there was nothing there, or at the very most it’d be a little infection or something similar. Knowing that there is something there, and that the pain and discomfort aren’t in my mind (because that’s what first alerted me) has been an incredibly strange and frightening thing. I know that statistically the chances of this being cancer are relatively low, and that it’s much more likely to be something non-terrifying. But that doesn’t stop the waves of terror that hit me every so often.
Luckily I don’t have very long to wait, my appointment at the breast clinic is next Friday (3/3/17), so I just have to keep myself busy until then. My husband has been amazing, as has my mum, also my work colleagues have helped enormously. But our kids are 20 and 18, both still live at home, and I don’t want them to spend the next week worrying as well, so am not saying anything to them until I know whether or not there’s something to tell. In some ways that’s helped, as things have had to stay as normal as possible at home so that they don’t pick up on anything.
But even though the few people I’ve told have been great, I don’t want to confide my deepest fears, I feel like I’ve got to protect them from that. So that is where this forum and all you lovely ladies have helped enormously without even knowing it. Just being able to read what everyone has written, follow people’s stories, whether happy or not, and see the massive outpouring of support for each other, has been really touching.
I’ve just realised how much I’ve been waffling on, not even sure if half of it makes any sense, it’s just a relief to say it all ?
So in short, I too am waiting with you in this, the dreaded 2 week wait, and am here if you fancy a chat. Sending you all positive thoughts xx
xx