Appts, Alone or with someone??

I have done a mixture. For chemo I always had someone with me because I took lorezepam (spelling??) and was not allowed to drive. For inital consultation and dx and first visit to Onc plus plastic surgeon my husband came. He was very useful just writing notes or asking questions I had not thought of. But for other consultations with Onc and radiotherapy he did not come. Although my Dad drove me once and waited in the waiting room. The Onc’s nurse asked me if my husband wanted to come in! It made my Dad’s day!!

Waiting for surgery was a very stressful time and my blood pressure went sky high, so I took OH the second time.

Liverbird, it depended often how well I was feeling as to whether I really felt that I needed him there.

with love Pauline

My husband came with me to all my chemo appointments, but I did the rads on my own. I also go on my own for herceptin - I find I meet the same ladies each time who are on the same three weekly herceptin cycle (there is one lady there with secondaries who has been having herceptin for six years) and so we sit and chat. Apart from the horrors of trying to find a vein it’s not such a bad way to spend a few hours.

Hi everyone
my hubby comes to them all poor thing. A couple of times I have let him do the shopping he usually gets back in time for lunch. As you can tell we dont get out much. Mind you one week he didnt get the shopping rightso he has to sit with me for the next few weeks and then I will give him another chance. The nurses and other patients think its hilarious. I have even suggested using his arm when my viens are playing up. Why should we have all the fun marriage is for sharing.

Love Debsxxx

Very interesting answers enjoyed reading them.
I have felt very brave and positive about appt tomorrow until tonight getting all jittery. I said to OH if they find anything i may ring you. I was rather upset he didnt say a thing. If the situation was reversed i would have said ‘oh yes definately do’
Men huh, I said i cant feel any lump re-assuring myself and he says 'oh there must be something there with the GP sending you GRRR!!

I envy you Marilyn, as women are so much more loving and they understand as they are the same as us.
I went to mums appt dad went too mum looked to me for support though often made it tricky as dad used to feel left out.

Strange as the one person i would love to be with me is a friend who lives miles away, I know she would be caring and genuinely concerned.

Just think women understand each other more, my youngest daughter would be so caring but she would be too upset for me.


Good news is the lump is a lymph gland which on the scan looks normal phewwwwwwwwww.


Hi - GREAT news!

Liverbird, I was interested in your comment about women understanding each other more. In my case it has been quite the opposite, I have had a lot more care and attention from men! My sister went into denial when I was diagnosed - she lives abroad and when she comes over she either doesn’t spend any time with me or acts as if there is nothing going on. An aunt of mines refuses to believe I’ve been seriously ill as I didn’t have a mastectomy and her daughter gave me a book about coming off chemo after 2 cycles and going down the alternative route like Caron Keating (and it really worked for her eh? NOT). My aunt lives 2 minutes from my house in the same street and did not come near me the whole time I was ill, when I visited her I got a catalogue of all her ailments as she is a hypochondriac.

All the men in my family have been fantastically supportive, male friends too. I have a male friend in London who wrote me a funny letter with all his news every couple of weeks to keep me going, he also sent me gorgeous chocs and other little gifts all the time.

Hi Liverbird

glad its good news. I dont think we panic as such its just we are aware how quickly things can change and not always for the better.
Cherub I know what you mean my in laws when they do ring it is a how are you then an hour or so how the weather is getting them down, we have some fab gay friends who drop off a regular supply of heat etc so I am kept well stocked up. I think women are really frightened when they hear our diagnosis and dont know how to deal with it.

Love Debsxxx

I agree that women aren’t necessarily better than men at supporting us or knowing the right things to say or do. Some are, some aren’t.

My partner (a woman) is great. Most of my freinds are women and most them are great too, but many not so good. Actually I hardly know any men well these days other than through work…and some of them are fine.


I too have found the men in my life to be the most supportive. My partner died five years ago and my two sons have been wonderfully supportive especially in the empathetic and emotional arena. My daughter is expecting her first baby so she has her own priorities. She is very kind but tends to dismiss the seriousness of BC and is of the opinion that ‘looking on the bright side’ is the right way to deal with it, which doesn’t help when I want to share some of my fears. also, it is the husbands of my women friends who keep in touch with me in a more caring and emotional way… My women friends have been supportive in a practical way but they don’t really want to talk about BC( some do but most don’t)


Hie all

Its been interesting reading everybody’s else’s responses. When I was diagnosed I was on my own, it was a huge shock and i called my mum and husband as soon as i left the hospital they dealt with it really badly and i ended up feeling really bad for them and sort of homed in trying not to worry them and protect them. I then took the decision that this was my journey, my mountain and I had to conquer it on my own. I discouraged my hubby from coming to outpatient’s appointment with me and managed to fob my mum and friends.

When I started my chemo, my hubby came with me for the first 2 and then luckily for me he had to go back to work. I just felt I did not want to burden people (friends and family) in having to ferry me up and down to hospital appointments, so used the train and bus to get me to chemo and back home again. I remember going for chemo/rads being the only person on my own in the waiting area and getting sympathetic looks from other people . I actually remember the BC nurse and Consultant asking if had any family support since i always came in on my own! I have never been really good at letting my feelings show, and just felt that having a "supportive " person with me would result in me having to admit that I was weak (I know its so stupid to think that but I guess thats just the type of person I am). I always made sure I had 2 books, 3 magazines and my Nintendo DS to keep me company at every hospital visit. I just did not want to have to depend on anybody, so in a way I still had control over me.

Instead of taking me to hospital appointments friends and family came over to my home did laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning and gardening for me which i so appreciated. For them it was good because they saw how much I needed the help. I believe everybody copes diffrently, some people need people to be there for them at the hospital and through everything and peple like me who are not very good at showing emotion find it difficult to let other people in. I started a journal from the time I found the lump till now and that has been such a huge source of comfort for me, being able to be honest without worrying about hurting anybody’s feelings. I suppose I decided from day one that all my focus was going to be on me and getting through this, and I just felt I could not carry anyone’s grief and pain with me so I just blocked them all out and let them see me in the way that they could cope with and deal with.

My husband never went with me in the past and now he is too ill to leave the house so am off on my own for my 6 month check up after my second BC in same breast last April. I just hope all is well as I need to be srong to look after him. I absolutely hate these mammos and ultrasounds and then having to wait for days for the result.