omg its just the worse thing in the world! i was dx with bc jan 10 had mx and nodes clearance march, had ct scan at that time and it had not spread anywhere else had 8 lots of chemo and 3 weeks of rads, finished end oct 10, awaiting recon now… however thursday night i put my hand to my neck for some reason and found a lump, my life flashed before my eyes and i thought omg not again surely? following day ironicly i was going with my friend to breast clinic cos she had found a lump so on way there i rang my bc nurse and said i was worried was there a chance i could be seen while i was there, the consultant kindly checked me out and sent me for an ultrasound, it seems all my nodes were swollen on my right side (same side as my mx) left side was normal 
cells were taken for tests and when i went back in to see consultant he said they were suspicious and on a scale of 1 to 5 (5 being deffo cancer returned) they were sitting on fence at a 3 so i have to wait til next friday for results, but implied it was likely!!!
for 12 days now ive had a constant headache and last night shortness of breathe, i couldnt sleep and was terrified i was gonna stop breathing, went to a and e and spent 6 hours there they did bloods and chest xray and it showed i have a chest infection!! i was releaved cos now im hoping thats why nodes in my right side of my neck are swollen??? ive still done nothing but cry since thursday but now im hoping its just the infection, anyone had simular???
kaz xx
Sorry i haven’t - but bumping this up in case someone has.
Hang on in there x
thanks xxx
Hi Kaz,
Sorry to see you’ve only had the one reply on this, but if you need a good listening ear do give the helpline a call, they’re here to support you.
Take care,
Jo, Facilitator
i think i will thaks xx
Hi Kaz, Sorry I have no answers for you but you sound as if you are in good hands. You did the right thing contacting your BC nurse. I am sorry you are having to wait for your results. That always seems to be the hardest part of the whole thing to me. Just to say I am sitting on the sidelines and please let us know when you know more. Take care, Val
hi val thanks for that, i just rang the helpline and they were lovely , i feel a bit more optomistic but still dreading friday 
kaz xx
Hi Kaz,
Good to hear the staff on the helpline have made you feel a little better.
Take care,
Jo, Facilitator
Hi Kaz, I will look out for your posts after you have been to see them on Friday. I am glad you rang the BCC team and found them helpful. Will be holding your hand on the day. Love Val
bless you val xxx
Hi Kaz,
Will be thinking of you on friday and send you virtual hugs tonight, try not to worry (I know easier said than done) but dont borrow tomorrows sorrow, it could be your chest infection and the nodes doing their job.
Jill xx
Kaz
i know you are worried but the positive thing is it wasnt a 4 or 5… a 3 is actually classed as probably benign… although some people will say indeterminate, whereas a 4 is probably malignant and 5 is def malignant… the majority of 3s are benign but obv cannot know for sure til you get your results… i truly hope you are in the majority, but i do know some 3s do turn out to be malignant, just as some 4s turn out to be benign.
Lxxx
no unfortunatly it wasnt good news, the node in my neck that was swollen had cancerous cells, so now im awaiting a ct scan to see if it has spread anywhere else, inc a brain scan as i have had a constant headache for over 2 weeks now, im sure the stress of the last week hasnt helped that. its odds on i will have chemo again regardless but all i can think of is that they are gonna tell me my days are numbered i am terrified all i can think off is my family cant bare the thought of leaving them, ive done nothing but cryi have to wait til next friday now to know my fate
kaz x
Dear Kaz
So very sorry to hear the news and as hard as it is you really must try to think positive. I know what we are all dealing with is the most scarey thing any of us have had to face but you know you are not alone. Crying is good, never apologise for crying. If we did not cry how else would be get through the waiting and then the treatment. The waiting is very very hard, I have to wait until 9th March to go back to hospital and it is impossible to function properly. Do not think of leaving anyone, you can fight this just remember to be strong. I only wish I could come and give you a big hug and a shoulder for you to cry on today.
Keep your head up and try to smile through those tears. I am thinking of you. (have posted this here and on waiting for results as well)
Tracy xxx
Dear Kaz, i am sorry this wasn’t the news we wanted to hear. But the waiting for tests and then results is just the pits. Many of on here know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. It is so difficult and you cannot concentrate on anything else. But there are loads of new drugs and treatments out there.
I have bone mets and when i was told I was mentally planning my funeral. 12 years on and I ma still here and living with mets. I hope I don’t make you even more scared by telling you this. It is not my intention. But just want to let you know that many of us are still here and living with spread of the disease. We all all rooting for you. Keep in touch even although you haven’t had the scans.
But please remember everyone that the site will not be functioning normally from Monday for a few days as they are revamping the site. There is a notice at the beginning all about it. Take care, love Val
actually val that was more reassuring , cos ive been mentally planning funeral too! thanks for that xxxxxxxx
Oh and what a lovely smile you have too. Keep using it! Hugs, val
Dear Kaz, if my experience helps, like Val I’ve been living with mets for a long while. I was diagnosed stage 4 from the very beginning in 2003. These last few years I’ve had a really good quality of life and at times years of stability with no active cancer, thanks to good responses to treatments.
Good Luck and Love…xx
bumping up…how is everyone?