Right…we need something to cheer us all up so II suggest your WORST joke…
Here is mine…I live it
What is green and hairy and goes up down up down?
A gooseberry in a lift!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
From my 7 year old daughter:
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You’re under a vest!
xxx
What’s got no legs?
A biscuit
X
My 14 yr old daughters…
Whats the hottest part of the sun??
Page 3!!
(hope no-one offended under the circumstances)
xxxx
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
Another one for you…
How fast does a happy car go?
100 smiles per hour!
A duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any crackers? "
Bartender says no.
Duck walks out.
Duck walks in the next day and asks, “Got any crackers?” bar tender says no.
Duck walks out.
Duck walks in the next day and asks, “Got any crackers?”
Bar tender says, “I told you yesterday and the day before that no! and if you ask that one more time Ill nail your beak shut!”
Duck walks out.
Duck comes back the next day and asks, “Got any nails?” bartender says no.
Duck says “Good. Got any crackers?”
HA HA HA HA HA…I liked that one…cheered me up no end!
Hi
I thought this was so funny and soooooooo true!!!
I do hope this does not offend anyone.
Shower Protocol so so funny!
This is so true that I couldn’t stop laughing!!
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry
basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make
mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,
wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo
with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner
enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for
10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa
cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel
on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed
and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her
making the ‘woo-woo’ sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse
them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and
surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on
the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was
hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and
fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her
and make the ‘woo-woo’ sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
I KNOW YOU’RE LAUGHING CAUSE MOST OF IT’S TRUE!!!
Kim x
Brilliant - thanks ladies, you’ve made me laugh out loud this morning !
Sorry, can’t think of any clean jokes right now, but if I do, I’ll be back !!
much love
Julie
xxx
Kim
thats brill how true ! I am trying to cut and paste it I must send it on to my friends.
Diane x
Kim
Really made me laugh, very true account, thought it was just my husband who did the Woo Woo.
Rachel
LOL - nice one to get up to laughs in the morning!!
Fiona
Hmm… Apart from the willy bits, the second one sounds like me… I don’t identify with the first one at all…
mousy
Love that Kim, brilliant…my husband thinks it all lies though! Hmm…
Ali
x
Hehehe! I have had a laugh!
I have got one but it may offend- bear in mind that its from a teenage boy- no offence intended here for the feminists amongst us
Why are women’s feet so small?
So that they can stand closer to the kitchen sink!
Come on girls there must be more funny stories out there???
Still in need of cheering up!!!
Kim x
Made me laugh, could even visualise it whilst reading.
Tracey x
Hi Kim
I’ve been racking my brain since this thread started, and I know tons of funny jokes, but no doubt someone would take offence at them ! Will have to ask the kids.
Talking of kids and funny stories though, a few weeks ago when I was completely and utterly bald, my girls thought it would be great fun to “decorate” Mums face and head with eyeliners/eyebrow pencils. I had the most “gorgeous” eyebrows and lashes drawn on, and the three of us were in hysterics in front of the mirror. Hubby just shook his head when he saw what we were doing. Very childish I know, but we had great fun. If only we’d taken pictures !
You see, even through adversity, I can still laugh at myself !!
Love Julie xxx
Hi girls
My nine year old son Oliver decided to lick the shelf in the freezer a couple of weeks ago. He was shouting me for help 'cause he got his tongue stuck ha ha. I had to laugh !
On a recent visit to the hygienist during the hols I took him with me and he went to great lengths to explain to the lady cleaning my teeth “she’s wearing a wig, you know” thanks Oliver !! There are no secrets in our house.
Diane x
I like this ‘hair’ joke which is kinda relevant to my own situation right now aka ‘the near bald look’!
Man with three hairs on his head goes into hairdresser and asks for cut and blow dry. He says to the stylist ‘put one hair to the left, one to the right and other in middle’. Unfortunately one of the hairs falls out - never mind says the man, just put one to the left side and the other to the right side. But disaster strikes, another of the hairs falls out - och never mind says the man - just leave it messy!
Anoush