Back to work after mx feeling scared

Hi i am just starting to get back into work after having a bilateral mx with free flap recon immediately but my recon has given me breasts four sizes smaller than previous and i am very conscious people will be looking and talking about me. i have seen work colleagues and most have been great but one girl says really nasty things like how are you going to get sales now with no tits. This makes me feel very sad and annoyed, i feel so stressed out the thought of meeting clients it is making me ill. I have spoken to my manager about the girl and he wants to take it down the offical route of disciplinary but i am not sure this is the right way, can anyone give me some advice please. Thanks x

"one girl says really nasty things like how are you going to get sales now with no tits."

I could not believe what I was reading!!!
This suggests the comment was not an isolated one and if that is the case has anyone spoken to her already? If so then she hasn’t listened and if not or even if it was an isolated comment I really feel that a word from your manager might be the appropriate action.

I am glad that your manager is willing to speak to her as sadly this isn’t always the case.
If you don’t want to go down that route and don’t feel up to tackling her yourself would any of your colleagues be willing to “speak” to her?

This is clearly a case of bullying and should be knocked on the head ASAP (not literally of course although that’s what i imagied doing the girl when I read what she had said).

I really hope you get some resolution to this. My recon left me much smaller but I was fortunate to have a lovely buch of colleagues who wouldn’t have dreamed of making a comment like that and I only wish everyone could have the same

WHAT THE???..you poor love…this girl needs dealing with asap…do whatever you feel…she needs her a*** kicking…I had Mx and no recon…you do not say how old you are but this girl or woman whatever she is needs dealing with…please do not feel guilty…let your manager deal with her…she deserves whatever is coming…that remark is totally out of order…as frazzle says…this is bullying…she must be a really pathetic person to belittle a woman who has had BC…it’s a good job I don’t work at your place!!!..best of luck to you and massive hugs…apple

It would be really brilliant if she were to get fired, then you would be able to say to her, "How are YOU gonna get sales now, with no JOB!??? and spit right in her eye!

Just sayin’ :wink:

Frazzledfifty is right, this should be seen as bullying and not be tolerated. You are, understandably, feeling exposed and uncomfortable about going down formal route. However, you will be making a stand which will, ultimately, help other women in your workplace and beyond, and even may help this shockingly misguided colleague. The views she holds are those usually held by the worst type of mysoginistic man. How she happens to hold onto these views doesn’t say much for her intellect. I’m guessing there must be a very strong male influence behind all of this, so I can’t help feel a bit sorry for her. It is not in her interest to maintain these ideas and formal reprimand may give her pause to think, but her wellbeing is not of huge consequence here. I don’t mean to be all militant, but in the current climate where women are trolled on twitter and subjected to threats of rape and death, the comments of your colleague shouldnt go unchecked. By stepping back, and not seeing this as just a personal battle, but an important stand for all women, BC or not, may give you strength. I am sure others in your workplace will be very supportive. Here on this forum you will get unwavering support. Don’t let her get away with it, and don’t let the nasty man/men in her life get away with it either…frog

Firstly thank you for all your comments and support, I no longer feel alone with all this. This is not the first time she has said stuff but it is the first time i have reported it. My manager has now spoken to her and she has denied which I am totally gobsmacked by I never thought she deny it I thought she would at least have the guts to admit what she has done and show some remorse! It was a really hard thing for me to go to my manager and now he doesnt know who is telling the truth, as if anyone would make something like this up least of all me. I am 41 and she is 30 with huge false breasts! So she has got any with it and there is nothing I can do I feel so mad!
I am normally a strong person but this has really thrown me and knocked my confidence side ways and I dont know how I am going to bounce back from this one, maybe need to get some anti depressants from GP.
Morwenna I love your comment lol.
i wish you all worked at my place and we could tackle her together
thanks again for your support x

Believe in karma. You and her know who is telling the truth. She will have found lying difficult, and your manager will know who to believe, even if he can’t openly say. And remember, revenge is a dish that can be served cold…

Faraway, it sounds like she might be quite insecure to me. Well done for having the courage to go to your manager, now she knows you’re prepared to, that might be enough to keep her in check.
If not, I really encourage you to take a deep breath and adopt the higher ground. You’ve been so brave to get through all the treatment, you really have bigger things to focus on than this silly girl.
You’re bound to feel vulnerable at the moment but remember, although you’re very conscious of the 4 size reduction, it won’t be nearly as obvious to others. If it’s any consolation, I’m currently walking around with a few sizes difference between left & right and no one else can tell the difference!

Thanks Frogs I am a believer in karma.
i am sorry you also have a size issue SPO but you sound strong and dont seem to let something like this get to you, good for you :slight_smile:

I cant believe someone especially another woman would say that to you after all you’ve been through. Its so insensitive and nasty. Hold your head up high. I’m sure most people see you as an inspirarion.
I’ve been talking lots with my mum about her journey since my diagnosis as although I was with her every step of the way I didnt knkw everything. She said she found it tough going back to work as while your being treated and have regular hosp appointment s you’re just getting on with things and trying to get through it. She said she refused councilling all the way through as didnt think she needed it but one day at work she said she looked out of the window (she worked along the river thames) and was watching everyone walking by getting on with life as normal. She said she said this overwhelming feeling of “what am I doing here? I’ve spent the last year fighting for my life…I can’t do this and act normal.” She basically phoned her breastcare nurse straight up and said she was ready for councilling. She went for a few sessions and off loaded everything and felt so much better anx then was able to move on…have you considered councilling? Maybe try this before antidepressants. Its worth a shot. My mum has been an inspiration for me since my diagnosis. She is so positive and I know she inspires her friends. She lives life to the max now and is much happier now than before BC.
I hope I end up the same. I can’t imagime returning to work. I might not. I had a double mastectomy and recon last week so its still early days. Im 36, an architect so work in a stressful, male dominated environment…we’ll see
Good luck and whoop that girls ass into line x

Just told my husband about your post said you should go to your doc and get signed off because you work in an abusive environment and then your boss has to address it. He thinks the girl needs to be sacked for saying that and making you uncomfortable. …I agree but up to you how far you take it. Just knowing that others may want to take it as far as my husband has suggested shows that it shouldnt be taken lightly.
The other way is ignore her comments and deal with her when you deem necessary. She is obviously a thoughtless individual and doesnt think too hard about what she says as she wouldnt have made any remarks like that in the first place.

Many thanks for your reply and your husbands comments. i have never been offered counselling and have tended to just get on with things like your mum did so i think i will make a few enquiries about this. Fortunately i do not work in an office and see this girl everyday. My boss has spoken to her and as she denies it he says there is nothing he can do! I think i will put this in writing to my manager and also go to GP and tell them how stressed i am and why and let them record it because god forbid she says anything again i will at least have a record of what she did last time. I work in the construction industry which is male dominated but strangely enough the blokes have been able to handle my illness and support me better than my female colleagues. Good luck with your road to recovery, i am 5mths post op and everything looks and feels great x

This really does need bumping, i am lost for words. i hope others are giving you strength Faraway

i cant believe what i just read.
the boss says he cant do anything - so keep your eye on it now and if anything else is said by this woman (and i use that term loosely)- go back and tell him, see what he actually can do. Youre right to keep a note of anything, but make sure its recorded properly.
what a carry on
its mental abuse.
i’m gobsmacked too!
chin up luv, we’re with you
angie xx

I am going to our annual works conference tomorrow and friday and will be seeing this girl for the first time since she insulted me and am not sure how to handle it. I need to stay professional but really want to tear a stripe off her. I am expecting to get a lot of ‘poor you’ comments from colleagues i only see once a year and am totally dreading it, part of me wants to go to the conference and then straight to bed to avoid the social chit chat of the evening and being the centre of attention. Help what should I do? What would you do?