Sorry this long rambling post . Just feeling really tired and down at the moment. I know it pointless to let people upset me but friend of mine keeps telling me that cancer is punishment from God . This is her religous belief. In every other way she good friend and normally I just tell her my belief different and dig up some suitable bible quotes but not today. I have been battling metastatic bc for almost 4 yr and last November was given 12 months when drs discovered extensive bone marrow involvement. While I still alive I am struggling. Scan results last wk show more progression in bone marrow and although lymph nodes have shrank cancer still active in them. I guess the only thing keeping me fighting is that I don’t think my mum could cope with burying me before her. I have been out of work sick last three months cause of chemo into spinal fluid for mets there. This worked but wiped me out as ended up in hospital after each treatment. Was hoping to get back to work but starting new chemo regime and oncologist wants to see how I react before letting me back as my job is demanding physically and emotionally. This is adding to my emotional mood and couple wks ago a good friend I made during treatment with same diagnosis died. She was diagnosed 8 mts later than me and only last 3 wks after treatment stops. It was not only losing a good friend. Sharon and I actually looked alike, often taken for sisters . So in some ways like looking at myself dying. While i lost a couple of people i considered close friends because they could not handle my cancer I have 3 good friends who are my rock but I try to put on strong front as I have my pride and if i have to have cancer need to be wonder woman with it. 
Also I lost a partner and a friend to cancer before my own diagnosis so know how tough it can be to support someone with cancer and worry about asking too much of them. Feel I should leave support for future time when I will really need it. Normaly I a Pollyanna type person and prefer glass half full to half empty theory but at the moment I seem to be stuck in self pity mode and needed to moan to someone.
Angel Baby I really feel for you at this difficult time. Remember that even the best friends can be thoughtless and unkind some times. Nobody is perfect! And that is why her theory about God punishing us is rubbish. If that was the case where would He start!! Surely all the really evil people would die first?? And why do good people die young??? Please have faith in your belief as God is loving and forgiving not angry and revengeful.
Just remind your friend how much she means to you but would she please keep those particular views to herself as they are very hurtful and don’t reflect the God that you know.
It also sounds like you are grieving for your close friend as well as feeling down etc. Can I suggest that you either speak to a priest or vicar that you know and trust. The hospital chaplain can be very helpful if you don’t attend any particular church. You should also ask your doctor if you can see a clinical psychologist to discuss your feelings. I have been seeing one for a year now and she has really helped me. I am also on anti depressants which are helping me to cope. This disease is hard enough to cope with so anything that helps us to cope is worth trying.
I hope that you will consider giving one or all of the above a go and see if you can bounce back. I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers xx
Suzanne
Gosh Angelbaby, that’s awful. I really cannot better what Suzanne Ramsfan has said.
However good your friend is, she is talking rubbish, cancer is NOT NOT NOT God’s punishment on you or on anyone else - what kind of God would that be? Not one I’d want to believe in that’s for sure.
If you have a minister, priest or chaplain (or rabbi or imam, sorry, I’m assuming Christianity here) you can talk to, then I think that might be helpful.
If you want to PM me feel free… I don’t post much anymore but posts like your make me come out of lurking.
It sounds to me you’ve had a horrid time, and need lots of reassurance that your loving, forgiving, gracious God is indeed alongside you, even in the darkest saddest places. It’s kitsch to quote Psalm 23 (The lord’s my shepherd) but it is comforting I think (and shared by all three Abramic faiths).
Sending a ‘holy’ hug and a prayer.
Dear my angel baby
Welcome to the BCC forums, I am sorry to read that you are having such a hard time and just wanted to say that you may find it helpful to use some of our secondary support services and information, I am posting a link to these so that you can take a look to see if you feel anything would help:
breastcancercare.org.uk/secondaries
Take care
Lucy
Angelbaby
You really don’t sound self-pitying and given what you have gone through I think you are perfectly entitled to feel the way you are feeling at the moment.
I’m sorry that your friend said what she did and I wonder if she is really thinking about you when she said it. I think that Suzanne and RevCat have put it so well. It is not your fault.
I know it is only natural to look at others who have a similar diagnosis but remember that we (and our cancer) are very individual and while your friend sadly lost her life to cancer, this doesn’t mean it will happen to you in the same way. None of us know when we will die, whether we have cancer or not so while Drs will often try to give an estimate, remember that they do not know so please don’t let go of hope.
Be kind to yourself. You are so strong to have come this far and I hope you can find the support you need to carry on.
Laurie x
MyAngelbaby
I can only echo what the other ladies have said on here - so much better than I would be able to! BC, especially mets, really is the pits and it is such a cruel disease. With your recent, and not so recent, experiences of it no wonder you are feeling down right now. Unfortunately our friends, who don’t have this horrible diseases, really don’t know what they are saying half the time, but that’s no excuse for insensitivity or totally unfounded twaddle. I hope you can gain strength from your other close friends and from support on here - at least we all DO know what it’s like! And remember we are all different and our BC is different so try (I know it’s hard) to not think that the same will happen to you as to Sharon.
Take care
Nicky x
Thanks everybody for kind messages of support . Was really touched. It helped to hear from people who know how much cancer can affect you emotionally as well as physically. Will have opportunity to speak with strange priest next week. More comfortable talking to stranger. Besides only few close friends know about my cancer so local priests not know. I would only take anti depressants if I not able to function without help. I know they work great for some people but people close to me are on them and unable to manage without them. I tend to prefer aromatherapy and natural methods like exercise and meditation to lift my mood . Will consider counselling although it a case of physician heal thyself. Did have some last year but did not like psychologist. Found her too airy fairy .
Today is better day mainly because although I still on sick leave am still doing voluntary work with Samaritans and hearing about the problems other people have helped me gain a perspective . Still alive and it up to me to make most of my life. Mind you turning my bathroom into home spa helped too.
my angel baby,
So sorry to read your comments and how hurful some people can be, Try not to let it affect you too much,this disease is dreadful but the support from the forums do help. It’s very hard to come to terms but try to live each day to thefull and go to bed each night telling yourself that you havr achieved something to-day, even if it seems insignigficant to any one else.
Look after yourself,
Love Rosie xx