Now I hope I don’t offend anyone cos thats the last thing I want to do, but there seems to be a general idea amongst some younger members that if you’re in your fifties or older, bc is not as horrendous if you’re older and have had a bit more of life. I just want to say that in my opinion bc at any age is crap. I have a wonderful life, skint but was happy in myself and who I was ,I have 3 lovely grandchildren and one on the way. I brought six kids up and worked the entire time crappy jobs. Then I n fifties, perfect job my son had just finished secondary school and I had time to go swimming and walking then this. Please please don’t think I am having a go and I have posted threrads where I have stated that it must be so hard to go through this with young children, and I thank fate for this regularly. But… believe me I have the same fears as you all have and I am sure that at 70 or 80 life is just as precious. My mum died at 59 when I was 40 and it wasn’t until I got to be nearly her age that I realized how young she was. Life is so precious no matter how old. I will probably get a bo…ocking now but … My love and admiration to all who go through this nightmare love Eileen
I don’t think you will offend anyone Eileen - I think most of us will understand what you saying. You are quite right, there is no ‘good age’ to get BC, though I agree it must be hard when you are young, or with young children.
That said I’m 47 and I have 2 daughters, one of 21 and one who’s just 10 (9 when I was dx) - I think no matter what age we all have the same fears, whether it relates to seeing kids growing up/completing school/getting married etc or whether it relates to the next generation and seeing your grandkids do the same thing.
Life is precious no matter what the age - I was the same as you - I was 29 when my mum passed away, aged 57 - it took me till I was in my late forties to realise that this was no age at all really.
I think we all have our demons to face, regardless of age…good luck to us all !
Margaret
Don’t worry Eileen I don’t think anyone will jump on your case. What you say is very true - BC is a horrendous thing to have to cope with whatever age you are. Obviously the younger women with small children have different challenges than those more mature ladies who’s family are no longer relying on them to look after them every day … but I’m sure the more mature ladies have their own challenges too. I suppose I am an in-betweenee as I am 40 and my son is going on 19 still living at home but capable of getting his own dinner if needs be.
My challenge was making myself take the rest that I needed and allowing others to do things… I’m such a stubbourn wee thing!
As I am also at the older end of the spectrum Eileen I certainly am not going to give you a bo…ocking LOL. I think most of us older ladies think it is tragic when we see a younger one having to cope with the awfulness of BC whether they have little ones or not - it is about lost dreams - a maybe a lost future, and in every one of them I see my daughter and just know that sort of news I would find devastating. When I was dx I was somewhere in the middle at 45 but I think if I had been younger I would have looked with a little envy at us older ones and wished I had had the years they had disease free. I think no matter what our age this is a tragedy that has come unwanted into our lives and it is good that we can be here to support one another no matter what our age.
dawnhc
Hi there, I have secondaries and I’m in my 40’s. Yes breast cancer is a dreadful disease whatever your age but I also think I’m fortunate as I had my daughter when I was quite young, she’s now grown up although she will lose her Mum at a young age. I cannot even begin to imagine how some friends I’ve met through the BCC secondaries forum cope with their ongoing treatments and uncertainties while trying to make memories for their young children.
Best Wishes to all…x
HI Eileen,
yes I agree with you that at any age bc is crap and also our fears for future life or not whatever our age, are the same. I am 58 and as you have said been there, done that for my children …now was the time I expected to have my life-for me with my family around to compliment it.
However, I know that if anything happens to me, my children and their children are going to be alright, that they will have memories of me. I cannot imagine being dx with young children and having to come to terms with them not knowing or remembering me, or having them grow up while I am unable to cope fully physically and mentally… I personally feel that while, of course, to everyone life is precious, this is a very different torment to what I will ever experience .
Margaret
Hi
good call Eileen, one of the things I think we are all mindful on here is that no-one feels on their own or left out, no matter what they want to say or talk about. Not everyone feels they can say things out loud so I know you will have had a big 3 cheers, hooray I agree from a lot of silent readers. While chatting can I wish you all the luck in the world and go give those Grandkids a big hug from all of us too. One on the way, what a brilliabt thing to have to look forward to through all of this
Hugs
In the middle aged Lily X
Hi Eileen and well done on airing your views.
I was 28 when dx last january with a 9 year old daughter and my mum was dx with exactly the same tumour as me 1 week after. We both had all the treatment going together and it was tough on both of us. We both compared notes and I know mum had exactly the same fears and worries as me.
Your right, cancer is crap at any age and we must all remember that it doesn’t just affect the individual that is going through it but all of the family and friends around you as well. There will be just as many people concerned about you as there will be about me and everyone else going through this.
We all go through the same emotions and hard times and my heart goes out to every woman with BC regardless of age.
BIG HUGS,
Mandy xxx
Hi Eileen
I don’t think that people believe it is worse for younger women to have BC, however, younger women tend to get a more aggressive form of the disease - this was true in my case, anyway. The oncologist said that under 50, the treatment is different and that the older you are, the more likely the cancer to be slow growing. So, that maybe why it seems that younger women have a tougher time?
Cathy
x
I’m 59 (diagnosed at 54…the commonest single age for diagnosis) and I agree its crap at any age and older people aren’t somehow immune from pain, fear and suffering.
But if I were in my 20s or 30s I can well imagine thinking my lot was worse than that of post menpausal women like myself. I remember Ruth Picardie saying something similar in her book. I understand because I feel envious of my peers and those older who are completely healthy, affluent and living retirement lives that I won’t get now.
I do think that it is particularly poignant and tragic when a much younger woman dies of breast cancer, whether or not she has children…there is something awful about dying so prematurely, before adult life has hardly begun.
And yes some younger women do get more aggressive kinds of breast cancer (though comparing like for like cancers in individuals motality rtaes are only slightly higher among the under 35s) and so statistically more will die at far too young an age.
I do think there are particular torments for young women and those with young children…this is not to undermine cancer’s awfulness for everyone but to get a bit of perspective…Thinking about perspective and going off topic but I often think of it: the Iraq war has mirrored my cancer in time and I often think of the thousands of Iraquis…including women and children who have died while I have lived with cancer in the privileged west…
Jane
I’m sorry Eileen but I don’t agree. While the experience of BC and the treatment for it can be equally horrendous (tho’ more younger women have chemo than older ones) the potential loss of future is obviously greater the younger you are. And I really feel for those women with young children. My oldest turned 18 last year, so I feel relief that she has made it to adulthood with a mother. My middle one is 16, so I only have to survive another two years to get him to 18 and uni. But my youngest is 13 - will she still have a mother at 18? And will I see any of mine graduate, get married, have children?
My mum died of cancer last year at 72 - she was still very active , fit & healthy. She was far too young to die. My dad died a long time ago at 64 - he saw his children get married but missed most of his grandchildren. But to die of this disease in your 40s or earlier? How can you say that is comparable?
Yes I agree Roadrunner…
Jane
In truth, we don’t need to make comparisons. Each and every life is precious. We are fortunate not to be in a situation where resources are limited and decisions are made about who can get treatment, and who can’t (some regional differences I know, but most of us get the best possible care). Breast cancer is a ghastly, indiscriminate disease which wreaks havoc, at best, and disaster at worst, on everyone it touches. We are here for each other, caring for, supporting and understanding each other. I so value this site for that very reason. Sarah
I was diagnosed 3 years ago age 31 when my son had just turned one. It was Grade 3 with lymph involvement. The pain and anguish of the last 3 years have been very hard at times with the thought of will I be around to see him grow up. When I read of Jane McGraths death leaving a 2 yr old daughter and i think an 8 yr old son, yesterday I cried for the unfairness of this disease, to leave so many young children without a mother and yet it is happening on a daily basis. She was diagnosed 11 years ago at 31 also & it is in my head each day could this be the day this disease comes back. A horrible thing to live with when my son is only 4 years old and i should be enjoying these years without the threat of the cancer returning and robbing me of my future with my family. I believe I will never see my own childs children, something that people just take for granted , I do hope I am proved wrong.
I can imagine no age is a good age to be diagnosed with cancer, also watched my beautiful gran diagnosed with stomach cancer 5 yrs ago at age 75 and to see how see suffered mentally & physically until she died 3 months later was horrendous, no-one is prepared for it.
Max
breast cancer or any cancer is heart breaking …feeling you are being robed of your time hear, time to live and spend with your family and friends.to see your children grow up, finish school and just be there for them …I’m 37 and my daughter is 12…and i get so up set when i think will i be hear to see her grow into a lady ??? i cry most days …so yes i understand how every one must feel.
No body wants to go, what ever the age you are …
sal x
I am 39 and was diagnosed in February (was 38). I think if I had been younger (like some of the women on here in their early thirties and twenties) II feel could not have coped with the bc diagnosis at all. There is a question mark as to whether my bc has an inherited element to it as my mum and her aunt both had bc under 50. I have no children but my younger sister does have a daughter so she is having checks too. bc is a cruel and random disease at any age.
Rach
Dear Eileen I’m glad you said it but I was dx at 62 now 64 and I have a 33 year old daughter.I would much rather it was me than her.I am so lucky,my kids/stepkids are all grown up,married,kids,careers.If I have to leave them early it will be dreadful.I want to see their babies grow up too.But…how much worse to be a young mum contemplating leaving little ones,knowing you wont see them grow up.When my kids were small I used to pray to Someone;"Please let me hear her first words,please let me see him start school "etc.My prayers were granted but I look at my girl now pregnant for the second time and all I can pray is;“Oh please not her.”
My son was 7 when I was first diagnosed. He’s now 20 and at uni and I never thought I’d see him get to that as I was diagnosed with mets 4 years ago.
My aim (if I have anything to do with it!) is to see him graduate and settle down (whatever form that may be in!).
My mum died of breast cancer at the age of 46 when I was 26 and my brother was 20 and she never got to know her grandchildren or what’s happened in our lives since then. Although it was 26 odd years ago it still upsets me that her life was cut short.
I can relate to both sides of this and life is precious not matter what age we might be.
I lost my mum to breast cancer when she was 63. I thought at that time she was very young to die. In one of our conversations shortly before she died, she said that she had a happy life and had lived to see her children grow up and have children - she was happy. She would have liked longer, but it wasn’t to be.
To say I was devastated to be diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 42 is an understatement. My youngest son was 6 and the thought that I may not be around for him as he grows up fills me with fear.
Life is precious at any age, but I feel it is particularly hard when women die and leave young children.
Yes, my heart does go out for young women having to face this ordeal and my prayer is that they will soon find out what is causing it all. But life is precious to us all and in this day and age we have been lead to believe that we the expectation of a long and fitter life than our parents - if you believe the media. I certainly had this. Both my parents passed away 4 years ago in their early 80s within six months of each other. Something I found stressful particularly in the case of my father whose GP would not refer him to a consultant for three years by which time he had to be carried in and died within 10 days of multiple myeloma. But time and again the stress factor is refuted as contributing towards lowering our immune system towards cancer.
I was diagnosed in Feb 08 aged 56 and like everyone was in a state of shock. We were planning our retirement and planning to go and live in Greece Now our life is dominated by two years of treatment and because of the type of cancer I have a strong likelihood of recurrence and not knowing if I will be here in six months let alone 5 or 10 years and certainly not mid 80s.
Generally I feel life is so unfair. Like lots I ate healthily didnt even take the Pill or HRT yet still I get cut down in my prime as I see it. Minus one boob. But as someone said well at least you had it for 56 years!