Dear Mounties,
Make sure that you get an agenda prior to the meeting. Both you and they need to know what is going to be talked about. There may be things that you want to add to the meeting.
Good luck.
Sue
Thank you for your helpful replies. Had the meeting and i did just as you both said, wrote an agenda out for everyone there and started the meeting by saying i was the one who had asked for the meeting as i wanted to keep my job.I made it quite clear that my colleagues are supportive, but i also had to admit i had changed . Thank you a million times over to all the fantastic people on here that have helped me so much
Am pleased that you got a good outcome from the meeting. One less thing for you to stress out about now … hopefully that will be an end of it.
well done, but you must both keep to the bargain - and do think about moving on when/if you find you need to in the future. That’s what I’m planning now, five years after diagnosis.
Mole
sounds like you work for a similar organisation to me Im glad you have it worked out, mine has been very supportive so far and hope stays so when I return.
xx
Well done!
am pleased you got on well. We do change during treatment. I continued to work pt during treatment but had one colleague who didn’t want me there and made life qite unpleasant(witholding information etc). it was noticed be my colleagues.
fortunately there was the chance of a move into a parallel team during a redesign but it took some courage to ask my manager. Before the move happened there was an opportunity of a new job (which I applied for and got). The new job is probably more suited to my skills. so keep an open mind. you never know whats round the corner.
xxCrispy
Sad to be back on here again asking for advice but here we go again. Thought everything was ok at work just keeping my head down and getting on with my job. Even had a good relationship with manager again, until today when i got a phone call. Sorry to go on, but someone please tell me when i can be treated the same as everyone else at work
This is just awful. I really feel for you. I have been engrossed in this thread as I am interested in workers rights and descrimination. Super sue gave you excellent advice as have others better suited to doing so than me. I would encourage you to get back in touch with your union, and seriously consider leaving. Then sue them for constructive dismisal.
You sound completely worn down by all this and even though you say you love your job, this horrible side of it must be affecting this. If you arn’t sleeping and need time off, serious steps need to be taken.
Good luck
Irene
Thank you Irene, I am exdhausted and any concerns for the effect all this stress has had on my health don’t seem to be of any interest. I have spoken to my union rep tonight who has told me to go on sick so think i’ll do it tomorrow. Think i deserve a break from all of this stress
You certainly do desverve to and it wont do your case any harm if at some point you decide to leave and sue for CD. Hope it all gets sorted soon, I really feel for you, as I have had 2 terrible jobs and was stuck in both for nearly 3 yrs each. My probs were with managment though (private schools). The latter being the one I left just before my BC diag and I feel this may have affected my health as I was so stressed for so long.
Irene
this sounds very familiar. i am currently being dragged through an investigation as my “team” have made allegations against me of bullying. i went back to work part-time seven months after my surgery into a new team i’d not worked with before…and they have been utterly vile. at first they were all nicey-nicey but the true colours soon started to show…they tried bullying me and when that didn’t work they sent me to Coventry. i was so miserable that i went to ask about early retirement - the irony is that my prognosis is too good for me to get ill-health retirement, and anyway i don’t want to retire, i just didn’t want to work in such an unpleasant atmosphere. i knew they were up to something so i wasn’t all that surprised to be told about the complaint. there isn’t any substance to it…it could all be summed up as “we just don’t like you” but they’ve dragged in lots of stuff to try and make me look as bad as possible, and actually i don’t think a full-blown investigation with external managers is quite what they had in mind…one of my witnesses has come forward and made a statement about all the gossip and bitching that was going on behind my back, and the best bit of it is that i’ve been moved to a much nicer team…i can even walk to work now and get fitter instead of driving through traffic. the enquiry is taking ages and it’s been very stressful…i’m left wondering why i struggled so hard to get back to work when i got absolutely no effective help from my employer, no retraining or educational support, no useful input from Occ Health, and an “induction” that consisted of being screamed at by a colleague and ordered out of the room…
So sorry to hear that you are still having problems at work, and for this woman to make this allegation after you swapped with her as a favour is just unbeleiveable. I am tempted to say in future just go in, do your job and don’t offer to do anything to help another team member out … but that might end up with them accusing you of being unhelpful and inflexible. It seems that no matter what you do at the moment someone is coming along behind you to cause trouble.
I agree that you seem to have a good case for constructive dismissal.
Good luck.
This really is appalling. Make good use of your union rep - I wish I’d had one.
I too worked for a charity, who supported me all through treatment. I had arranged a date to go back to work when, out of the blue they, in effect, sacked me. To say I was shocked was an understatement.
However, both the Disability Rights and ACAS were fantastic. Employers these days HAVE to do things a certain way (including charities!) and if they don’t they will ultimately pay the price. They have, for instance, to give official verbal and written warnings, and you can and indeed should have someone with you as a witness at all stages. Your rep will be aware of this, and it’s good you can take him with you.
With the support of Disability Rights and ACAS I involved a tribunal and they had to pay for me to take legal advice. In my case, I decided I would take compensation, and held out for 6 months money tax free. I was in a strong position as they knew if it went all the way it would cost them a fortune. My decision to settle before, albeit for less, was to protect my own sanity and get some closure to a nightmare 2 years since being diagnosed. In fact, for me it turned out to be a blessing in disguise as I know have a job working as a GP receptionist, doing hours to suit me and only a 10 minute walk away.
It sounds to me as if your charity are well aware of the trouble they could be in and are panicing. Do have some time off sick as in fact a sick note from your GP stating ‘work related stress’ will do your case no harm at all. Use they time to see your rep and discuss whatever so called allegations are in the letter. I would ask your rep to speak to ACAS and see how they think a constructive dismissal claim would stand up - it may be you will have to pick up the ball and run with it.
As has been said, there does come a time when you have to put yourself first and this could mean walking away - but if you do take them to the cleaners.
Good luck and let us know how you get on.
Love Caz x
Thank you all for your helpful replies. I have returned my reply to the allegations against me to my manager stating that if they wish to take disciplinary action against me, i will have my union rep alongside. I and my union rep actually hope it does go to disciplinary action so that he can be involved and we can both have our say. I doubt it will now i have informed them of his involvement. I do just go to work and do my job now, but as a lone woprker it does become lonely at times, especially now i don’t know who to trust amongst my colleagues.
Will you be off sick then? Assuming you are, then get your doctor to give you the ‘work related stress’ sick note and stay at home. However, ask if you can have a written report of the meeting, to ensure you are kept in the loop, so to speak.
If you decide to go to work then I would say, yes go. If only because under normal circumstances, you would and while you are at work, the more you can be doing things normally the better.
I am assuming the team meeting is not specifically about your situation?
Love Caz xxx
Hello Mounties
I was wondering how you were getting on. It is so lonely when you are being bullied.
I know what it feels like because I am being bullied too - not in a job but in my private life. It is a terrible experience on top of everything else. I have support from my family and some friends. You certainly find out who your friends are!
I shall be interested to hear how you are getting on.
Christiane x
Hi Mountie
I saw the headline and thought I gotta post an item to you!
I have been in exactly the same position as you!
My first job after returning to work, in a well known branded coffee shop, saw me being bullied by a much younger membr of staff. I had previously worked in a 5* hotel as a superviser so I knew the ropes so to speak. I had a chat with my manager then wrote a letter, nothing got done. The young girl never apologised so I left.
My 2nd job was tele-sales, my young boss said “he could never control me!” I decided to leave again because of the bullying, he took my bonus away, overtime and week in lieu. I am takinghim to a tribunal now. Which I am very nervous about as he has his solicitor onto me!
My 3rd job (lol) in a small cafe in the village. Got on like a house on fire with one of the girls, her comments were - your a breath of fresh air, so calm, upbeat etc. The other lady said I was aggressive and in her face! Neddless to say i am not working there anymore LOL But I did discuss the matter with the boss who was very understanding and supportive.
For me the lesson was to think, do I want to work in a place that is going to make me unhappy? Is it the case that I am going to watch what I say and my back all day during work? Do I have the new found confidence to stand up for myself in a positive and non-confrontational way and say “you do not have the right to treat me like this!”
I must say I did go through a rough time with the last job, questioned myself and hit a bit of a downer. But now I have another job (no 4 LOL) its in a school as a learning assistant, where I guess the teahers will be too busy to worry about psycho analysising the newbie lol
I know its crazy, but I do say thank you for breast cancer, as its given me the chance to change my life for the better, to be true to myself and do what is right for me…not for everyone else!
Good luck, stand strong.
Lots of love
Jeni x
Why is it so many of these ‘bullies’ are picking on us?
Do you think it is because they think that because we have/had breast cancer we are weak. Bullies always pick on the weak.
Well. They were in for a shock with me because I don’t know why but having breast cancer has given me an inner strength that I did not know I had. I love your comment Binnie - ‘You do not have the right to treat me like this!’. I have been saying this for months not indirectly to the bullies but they are becoming more and more aggressive so now I have got a solicitor saying it for me and they don’t like it!
It is costly, but hopefully it will get it sorted soon.
Mounties - keep strong. We must not let the bullies walk all over us.
Christiane x
Hi All
I love this bully thread. Bullies don’t like it when you stand upto them, they aren’t expecting it. Think of it the other way around, if we bullied someone, would we expect them to roll over and let us carry on? hmm i don’t think so. lol
By challenging their behaviour puts a whole new spin on things. When we respond instead of reacting it changes the outcome of things. It’s like fighting the cancer in a way - do we react and let the cancer take over our lives or do we respond, embrace it (yes, embrace it) challenge it and turn things around for the better FOR US.
So I guess there’s a lot to learn from bullies and cancer. We don’t ask for either in our lives do we. Most people want peace and harmony but for this there are always lessons - a price so to speak. Having cancer makes us a “victim” and as an old friend once said to me - don’t be a victim all your life! So, it’s about fighting back in a positive way, standing up for ourselves, in our own power - which in turn builds our confidence. Afterwards, we can say “I did it!” And doing it once means we can do it again. Our inner strength grows which makes us a better person.
It’s not an easy ride, but easy would be boring lol If we stand up to any type of bullying, in time they will leave us alone as they will know not to go there with us. Yes, they may go off and bully someone else but that’s their lesson to learn.
Sooo, deep and meaningful for soooo early in the morning lol Ruben was up very early this morning !!
Lots of love to everyone
Jeni x