Being Too Emotional

I am finding myself over reacting to things. It doesn’t do ME any good (although I am sure a good cry every now and again MIGHT be a good thing) and I don’t like other people being on the receiving end of one of my rants. I realise it is partly to do with the drugs and partly because everything has happened so quickly and it is a lot to deal with. And other people realise that as well but still, how do you stop yourself flying off the handle at the smallest little thing especially when people are only trying to do their best?

Hi Clarabel - I know exactly what you mean - I am just the same at the moment - but rather like that typical response, i.e. it must be PMT - I do also think that there are occasions when we, justifiably, lose our temper - but that because we are going through a difficult time in our lives everything is reduced, instead, to BC so that the reason we lost our temper in the first place is just dismissed.

I agree, it is not nice to think that other people - especially the ones we love - are on the receiving end of one of our ‘rants’ but, in my view, I don’t think stopping ourself from ‘flying off the handle’ in the first place is necessarily the best resolution. In my experience, if something is upsetting me and I try to suppress it I find that in time the feeling is just intensified. Unfortunately, though, like you, I have yet to find a way of managing it all - in a way in which I am able to communicate to people about how I’m feeling - and why - without also losing my rag at the same time…

Not much help I’m afraid, I know - I do find, though, that avoiding people altogether helps - but that brings with it other problems too, problems which I have no solutions to either!

Perhaps counting to ten and taking a few deep breaths?

Anyone else?

Naz, x

I am lucky I have people who say I can rant to them if I think that ranting AT the person who has caused me to feel upset will not do any good. But I wish other people would stop and think about how I might react as well. Everyone is so concerned with how I “feel” as regards side effects from the chemo, but don’t stop and think how I might “feel” about other things.

WINE!

WINE? Is that an acronym - or do you seriously want a glass now already?! I just wish I could enjoy a glass of wine at the moment - I’m really looking forward to being able to a time when I can have my favorite meal and a glass of red wine - and be able to taste both properly.

As for sounding off to people I have finally made an appointment with a counsellor - and although I would hope I would not lose my temper during one of our sessions I might at least have an outlet where I can talk about those times when I have lost my temper - and perhaps regain some sense of proportion!

no it wasn’t an acronym I DO want one ! I can still enjoy a glass or two I just can’t drink my boyfriend under the table any more, and lunchtime drinking is a big no-no or I’d be asleep after one sip LOL!

I had the bad taste in my mouth and thankfully it didn’t spoil my enjoyment of wine - I prefer whites though.

I thought about a counsellor but my problem is I want to be able to talk about “my feelings” as and when I am about to reach boiling point, not at a time that’s booked in my diary when sod’s law I will be feeling OK! But if it gets worse I will make an appointment. Good luck with yours.

The Counsellor? Yes, I know what you mean - I agree - I still have my reservations - but this whole experience has raised a lot of issues for me that I’ve always known were there but which have now all raised their head at the same time to the extent that I feel I really need to just be able to articulate them all. Of course, I am only entitled to 6 free sessions - not enough time at all so I may just be opening a can of worms. But who knows.

I’m curious… how did you arrange six free sessions? This is something I may well explore and the potential cost is worrying! Thanks, Lyn x

I might be wrong but, as I understand it, our Trust, through the Cancer Centre, offers 6 counselling sessions free of charge. I should make sure beforehand really! I do know of one person, though, who did pay for counselling and was highly praiseworthy of it - so it may very well be something that I seriously think about continuing afterwards too, even if I do have to pay. I’m hoping that it might actually enable me to rethink the direction in which my life appears to be going at the moment, irrespective of recent events/diagnosis etc.

I’m also aware that some employers also offer some counselling sessions for their staff for free too - but I’m not sure if this would be available to you. When I return to work, I may even take up this option myself.

x

Hi, me too! I’m up for free counselling. I would be really grateful if someone could tell me how to go about it?

Cathy

Hi Cathy - yes, likewise, any advice on how to approach it would be helpful - I’m certainly intending, though, to try and put things down on paper beforehand - even if it just amounts to a list - in preparation for the first visit.

Clarabel - just a thought, but I wonder if writing might help manage those moments of madness?

Naz

Hi you can arrange free councilling through your gp if nowhere else, well you can at my surgery anyway

Hey

Relate to a lot in this thread so thought I’d post. I sorted out counselling through my BCN and it has been helpful. I have found the anger hard to deal with. It sounds so naive now but I really thought I’d be able to cope with all this without too much heartache - or at least I thought I’d feel sad and scared but not angry. I found myself taking things out on people I was close to and becoming irrationally convinced that people cared less because they had backed off slightly. It felt a bit like being a hamster, I was whizzing round and round in the same place and felt that everyone had left me behind. They’d been calling all the time, spending a lot of time with me and then I felt they disappeared slightly and felt rejected and upset. I also felt judged that I wasn’t being “incredible” or “positive” enough - that I was failing to be the stereotypical inspirational cancer girl that everyone praised me for at the beginning!!

God we are hard on ourselves I think. Anyway, counselling has really helped. She has helped me pinpoint my emotions better and think before I react and flip at someone. She has also helped me see that anger is not always a negative and doesn’t make me a bad person - I felt like I was failing to live up to some ideal. So many people said to me at the beginning you’re doing so well, you’re not angry or bitter or whatever and I then felt like I couldn’t be those things and drove myself crazy being manically positive all the time. It’s exhausting. We have been through a really rough time. As well as trying to deal with everything else life throws at us. It’s bloody hard and tiring. So many emotions are involved with a cancer diagnosis and then trying to live with it afterwards. I have struggled to know who I am now I’ve come out the other side. It’s very frightening to be out there with no resilience or protection as you’re so worn down by trying to cope with it all the time and be ok. We need to be kind to ourselves and honest with ourselves so that we can be honest with people around us too I think. I am rubbish at this.

Hope you’re all having good days.

xx

Hi,

Just found this thread - if you live near London or Hereford you can attend one of the Breast Cancer Haven centres and they give you 12 free complementary therapy sessions, one treatment being counselling. They tend to prefer that you have two or three different therapies such as acupuncture, kinesiology etc so you end up with 6 or 4 of each. You don’t have to live near either of these centres to attend - you would just need to travel. For more info google Breast Cancer Haven.

Love,

Sally xx