Birthdays should be happy!

Public Archive
21

Hi Petal

It was my birthday on Wednesday. I was 39. For my birthday I got a ct scan. This time last year my daughter had just started reception and my son was 2 and at playgroup. So much has changed. I am not at work. The children have got used to a bald mam and We have had some interesting talks about cancer. I think we all mourn the life we had and I really sympathise with how sad you feel. I made a real effort to try and enjoy my birthday, after the scan, and my family and friends helped. I hope you can push bc out of your mind enough to enjoy those precious moments again. I know I am hanging on to every second with my family and hope I can reach an age where my son would remember me.

Debx

22

Oh this thread has just made me cry, I hadn’t read it before tonight.

I tried hard to enjoy my sons birthdays this year and on balance think I suceeded. But it’s horrid to have
such lovely days marred by dark thoughts. I am hoping that as time moves on , and hopefully I stay well, that the grey tinges to these days gets less and less and the sunshine parts of those days shine through. But it’s so hard getting there isn’t it?

I do hope we all get to enjoy many happy special events for many years yet.

Vickie
xxx

23

Looly I do see where you are coming from but as someone else has pointed out, BC is cruel to us all and no-one knows another person’s circumstances …
My own daughter was diagnosed at 32 when her toddler was 2 and then again with BC in her other breast 4 years later.
I wished many, many times that it was ME rather than her that had BC - but you should be careful what you wish for - as I was diagnosed myself just after my daughter had finished another lot of chemotherapy after her 2nd mastectomy and recon.
So she then had the distress of MY illness on top of her own- plus its impact on her sister, my sons, husband, grandchildren and extended family - the whole network of people who we are all linked to - and to whom we mean a lot…people who care for us and people we care about and who often depend on us…
Most older women will have known many people with cancer and perhaps, like me, have been to the funerals of far too many friends, taken before their time. Life is very sweet- and what one does with the time we are allotted here on earth is not solely to do with he number of years we have…

24

I just wanted to give a little support to Lolly as it seems, like a lot of other newer posters, she feels unable to say how she feels now for fear of others jumping on her comments,and thats sad.
I also dont post a lot here now since my dx 2 years ago for exactly the same reason.

Its very hard to strike a balance here between opening up about feelings and fears that we cant say to anyone else, but because of the nature of the site and the emotions that surround BC, I guess whatever we say will upset someone.

It would be great if we could maybe try just for a minute to put ourselves in the others position and realise where they may be coming from instead of jumping in with a ‘no,you are wrong because…’ and then it usually descends into a ‘my experience is worse because…’

I can relate to what Lolly says, I was considered young, early forties when I was diagnosed,with a teenage son, so I can only imagine how Lolly must be feeling with young children, but the difference is, I do try to put myself in her position and see where shes coming from, whilst others will only ever think of themselves and how they feel. I too harbour feelings of unfairness and yes, sometimes bitterness, towards much older people who are diagnosed or have other life threatening diseases. I know its wrong and I’m working through it, but they are my feelings and to me are valid all the same, I feel bitter that someone in their 60’s 70’s has had 20 more years than me of innocence, of peace of mind, of not having to think if they’ll be here next year.

I get angry when I’m constantly harrassed angrily by pensioners about why im using a disabled badge when I’m young, I just want to scream at them, be thankful that you have got to the age you are,I certainly wont.

So please everyone, even if you dont agree with someones feelings, they are as valid and real to them as yours are to you and they should be allowed to express them too, and we dont all have the ability and tact to get something across in the media of text , yes we all have BC, but we all have very,very different journeys and feelings, we should respect that.

SS xx

25

Hello Everyone
Yes it is awful to get this horrible illness no matter what age you are, but I do feel it must be worse for the younger women on the site. At 53 I still think of myself as young, but am lucky enough that I was able to raise my children without the spectre of this awful thing haunting me. My oldest daughter is nearly 30 and I don’t even want to think about how I would feel if she (or my 27 year old daughter) was unlucky enough to get breast cancer.
Lolly - to you and all the other young mums with bc, I am so sorry for what you are going through.
Equally, Petal and every one else dealing with this, let’s all continue to offer each other as much support and empathy as we can. Sorry your birthday was marred by bc.
alex
xxx

26

After reading Lazydaisy1’s reply below I have deleted this post.

27

Evening all - just a thought but could this thread get back to supporting Petal after all she was the one who kicked it off - it does seem to have got sidetracked into ‘other issues’.

Perhaps you lovely ladies with children might like to start a thread relating to the very strong emotions surounding these sad issues - my heart goes out to you all enduring such a nightmare time.

Petal I’m leaving this forum - it’s time to fly on my own scary stuff ! Hope I’m not like Icherous and crash and burn. I pray that you find the support to help you through any wobbly bits and the thread I recommended I am sure will when needed be of great comfort and help well at least a good giggle if nothing else - they are a great bunch, kind helpful,respectful, funny and very non judgemental - well you know just what friends should be!!

Take care all of you young and old . S x

28

Hi everyone,

I’d like to echo lazydaisy1’s suggestion that we return to the original post on this thread, which was Petal5 asking for support around a difficult time for her.

Everyone’s experience of breast cancer is different, and it is important that anyone who uses this forum for support can find it here.

I’d just like to point you towards the relevant part of our Community Guidelines: “Don’t post any content that treats anyone unfairly because of their sex, sexual orientation, race, colour, nationality, ethnic or national origin, religion or philosophical belief, disability, gender identity/reassignment, marital status, family circumstance or age…”

Best wishes
Lucy

29

Hi yes Birthdays should be happy. On my last Dec 2009 day before actually, I was in a consultation with my Onc discussing pros and cons of chemo as I was borderline for a variety of treatments. When I said ‘Yes lets go for it, how soon? He said well not tomorrow.So birthdays and Christmas a bit tinged now with sadness. But eh I am still here chemo, surgery x2 rads and AI for 5 yrs BUT this year I have a lovely Christmas to look forwards to and a new g-c due Jan 2011.Son’s b’day 31st Dec and eldest g-c early in Jan so will be able to celebrate them so much better.So this years birthdays will be BETTER.Love to all esp those with birthdays on the horizon.Jackie

30

I’d just like to add that Lazydaisy (Steph) has now left this site partly because of the comments on this thread. I find this extremely sad. Dianne

31

I have also decided to leave this site for a while due to this thread. This site just isnt what it was when i joined over 2 years ago.

32

I’m about to take a forum break too. I truly don’t believe anyone was unsympathetic to Petal’s sad day. Breast cancer is horrible for anyone be they 19 or 90 but I think the poster stillstanding said it all better than I was able to. Lolly I read your post as coming straight from the heart.
You take care…ditto Lazydaisy, Petal, Jodie and all…xx

33

Hi girls

I have briefly read this threat that lost it’s meaning and support along the way. I don’t really want to coment on all the posts but would urge all the women thinking of leaving not too. None of us are perfect and I suppose we all say the wrong thing at the wrong time or get caught up in our own mindset when we are distressed.

This forum has been my sanity since starting this horrible journey and to loose you al with your knowledge, wisdom, wit and compassion would be a great loss to my life. You are all wonderful and I hope you all reconsider.

Lots of love Anne

34

Hi Anne, yes it’s all become a bit of a muddle. I could do with a head break for a little while and I’ve sent you a PM…Take Care…xx