Bit of a setback (and are you there Pauline?)

Bit of a setback (and are you there Pauline?)

Bit of a setback (and are you there Pauline?) Dear All

Two and a half weeks ago was the diagnosis. All through the usual angst., plus a bit. Thought I had a decision about a Becker implant and all was going ahead next week.

Back today and going through the admission procedure - they didn’t mention implants. So I did. Turned out the bc nurse had completely misunderstood! Thought I didn’t want one. So back in limbo again. Back to the hospital on Monday to try for a date. In this case Bank Holidays looming are not the usual blessing!

I feel so stupid. I thought I had made myself clear. My brain had been compared to a laser and now it is clearly utter mush.

Sorry to whinge but I am so worried about my husband who has enough health problems of his own. Nothing I know compared to some of you who have young children to worry about. But just needed to shriek!

Pauline - you may yet beat me to it!

Love to you all

Dilys

Hi Dilys Dear Dilys

Sorry I have not been on here and won’t bore you with the reasons.

Please don’t feel stupid, you made it quite clear in your posts on here that you wanted the implants, so I can’t think why the nurse didn’t understand.

The only “good” thing about it is at least you found the mistake BEFORE you had the operation, imagine it you had woken up to discover no implants.

I am so sorry though that you won’t get the operation on Tuesday particularly as you had already made it over one obstacle with the skin scare.

I am also sorry your husband has health problems, I can imagine you take care of him and it is hard when it’s the other way round and you also have terrible problems.

Thank you for explaining the pre-op procedure to me that has set my mind at rest. Today I did contemplate running away, never to be found again, but in the long run it wouldn’t help!

They all keep mentioning this “roller coaster ride” when you have breast cancer but I think you have been round enough times already.

Try to take your mind off things for a couple of days and tackle that gardening.

Keep positive.

love and hugs

Pauline
xxx

Thanks Pauline Dear Pauline

Glad to have you back. Hope all is well (silly thing to say in the circumstances). I have woken up really fed up this morning so it is lovely to hear from you. Such a lovely day too.

I am trying to stay positive but it is tedious now undoing all the arrangments I made for next week, and telling everyone the news. Feels like starting all over again. But as you say, runnng away won’t help. Tempting though at times!

Hearing from you has done me good and I will give myself a good talking to and get on with it. Let me know how your next appointment goes, and hopefully I will have a new date on Monday to work towards.

Lots of love

Dilys

Hi Dilys

Oh God, like Pauline says you have been very lucky that you found out before hand…

There is no need for you to feel stupid you have been through a lot and it was’nt your fault, most of the time I think they see so many people you start to look like the next module on a conveyerbelt…

I hope you get a date soon I would push them as it was there error, I am sorry about your husband health dilys but please look after yourself it will get harder once you have had the operation as you are limited to what you can do…whether you have the implant or straight mastectomy…

best wishes
&
much love as alway’s
lucy
xxx

Hallo Lucy and Pauline Dear Pauline and Lucy

OK back from the hospital again. Nearly changed my mind again about the becker when they started talking about the possibility of having to have surgery on the intact breast as well. But decided to stick with it. My first breast nurse was back and I can really talk to her. But still no date - they are going to ring during the week now, so back rather in limbo. I can understand that rant from Mrs Silver!

Pauline I have realised that I have lost track of what you decided in the end! Are you still on for 8 May? Lucy - what did you do?

Lots of love as ever

Dilys

Hi Dilys Dear Dilys

I am sorry you still have no date but hopefully they will ring you soon. I hope the biopsy went okay.

I have just come back from the hospital after my pre-op
appointment. All fine there so it is on track for my mastectomy on the 8th May.

I am not having immediate reconstruction as my surgeon advised against it.

I have just though reached my lowest ebb as my beautiful West Highland White, Lucy, died yesterday. She was 16.
I feel that someone had ripped out my heart, I just adored her.

keep in touch
lots of love
Pauline
xx

Oh Pauline! Dear Pauline

I am so sorry about Lucy. I know how you feel. I have lost beloved cats before and it tears you to pieces. I am also holiday mum to two adorable Westies who I love dearly. What an awful thing to happen right now. Please have a big hug from me, and cry all you like. It is a huge loss. Life really does have a way of kicking you when you are at your lowest.
You are in my thoughts and my heart. I will be thinking of you on 8 May but we will be in touch before then.

So much love and real sympathy

Dlys

Thanks so much Dilys
love Pauline

Another hug Dear Pauline

I am in tears for you. Stay strong but cry all you like.

Wishing you all the strength there is, you poor darling. I will hold you and Lucy in my heart tonight.

Love and best wishes

Dilys

Hi Dilys

Thanks so much for your lovely kind words it really does help. You are such a caring sincere lady.

I just wondered how you are today since you should have been going in to hospital. None of us really wants to go but I suspect you could be feeling a little disappointed today.

lots of love
Pauline
xxx

For Pauline Dearest Pauline

I care for you as you care for me! We all need it right now. I pulled myself together again today and have been out getting parking permits for anyone who might visit, and then to the garden centre to sort out the yard. I have been planting and feeling blessed. In many ways I wish it was over today, but it wasn’t to be so I am trying to keep busy. Days are ok. Don’t know about you but the nights are still a problem. And you must be missing your dog so much! At least I can take my elderly cat for his check up on Saturday. Had been worried about letting him down.

Are you ok? I will be thinking of you so much. Have already realised how scared you get before surgery. I will be there in spirit holding your hand and being on your side.

Love and strength

Dilys

Dear Dilys

Thank you so much once again, for your encouraging post.

I have managed today to stop sobbing my heart out about Lucy by going out and getting easy meals for hubbie (seem to remember you were doing that this time last week) and buying a few bits and pieces that I think I will need to take in with me.

As you say, the nights are a problem but I am glad you managed to get your planting done yesterday, think how it will cheer you up later when the flowers are out.

I am missing Lucy so much I can’t believe the amount of stuff I have come across in the house that belonged to her. How can one little dog accumulate so much? I do hope all goes well for your cat on Saturday.

You are in my thoughts and I hope you have had a calm day today.

lots of love
Pauline
xx

Hallo Pauline Dear Pauline

Cry all you like about Lucy. It really is a blow. Things happen like that. I lost a lovely old cat just a month before my mum died, and things with mum were so bad I always felt I had not spent enough time mourning him. Ho hum.

You sound so much like me! Easy things for your husband, and I too have a small stock of wet wipes and face cream etc to keep me cheerful while I am in hospital. Dressing gown and pyjamas all washed and ready!

I did have a good day today over in my sister-in-laws beautiful garden being fed and generally spoiled rotten. As you know days are ok, but nights less so. I am going to try natrasleep tonight. And yes I am looking forward to seeing my back yard in bloom. People from work are being brilliant too at staying in touch. This does teach you who your friends are, doesn’t it?

But still no news from the hospital about a new date. Trying not to think about it now. I so hope it goes well for you next week. Try to enjoy this weather whle you can.

Much love and strength

Dilys